Friday Magnify || Baby Steps

“Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together!”
Psalm 34:3

The Israelites are so relatable. Over and over, the Lord blesses them and does wonders for them and provides for them - and they celebrate and thank Him and then promptly forget. The days carry on and they get back to old bad habits and sins, and they lose track of how the Lord is Lord and cares for His people.

Back in April, Josh and I saw the Lord’s work in front of us as He brought Kash home to us and provided for all of our needs. We have seen His goodness over and over again. Yet I’ve had weeks of losing track, wallowing in how hard the challenges are and how there’s seemingly little progress made. I have to make a conscious effort to look back and reflect, to see that there has in fact been progress, and to thank God for His many blessings!

Four months ago, nobody in our house knew which end was up. Well, some days we did and many days we didn’t. There was a new kid who couldn’t talk and didn’t know how to help himself along and we didn’t know what to do with him. Could he put on his shoes? Nope. Could he walk up the stairs on his own? Nope. Could he play with anyone? Nope. Did he care? Nope.

Yesterday I watched as he looked my older boys in their eyes and laughed. I teared up as they took turns putting a Tupperware container on their heads and beating it like a drum. All of them. Kash. Playing. And happy about it!

The day before that I was overcome with gratitude in a hospital lab. The kids wiggled and tried to control their impulses to grab things and they did well, considering. The pleasant nurse worked hard to get a quick blood draw from Kash while another nurse and I held him with all our might, as he tried to turn himself sideways and slip out of my lap to the floor. Finally the bandage was applied and I braced myself to deal with his anger, which would inevitably turn toward me. Yet he crumpled, and turned into me so I could hold him close. No grabbing and pinching, no clenching his teeth so hard they’d break, no hatred in his eyes. He allowed me - wanted me - to comfort him. Words can’t describe how huge that was.

Later that day Levi found a bag of candy corn stashed in the basement, and we turned it into a fun reward. Levi and Caleb get a piece for each memory verse they can recite, or Psalm they can sing. Kash gets a piece for each sound he can imitate. He will now make a few sounds on demand, with good eye contact. If that’s what it takes to get him talking!

What great marks of progress! What a blessing it is to focus on them, rather than all the challenges and struggles. Lord, thank YOU!

Photo above of Kash, doing his daily morning chore: sorting silverware. Praise God!

We Adopted!

It had been a year since we’d signed on with our wonderful consultant, Dawn. Three years since we began pursuing adoption. We had seen children’s situations come through, and had presented our family profile to some. Some we never heard about again, others we were told were a no-go. We began to have hard conversations. Maybe we should pause? Stop altogether? We called Dawn and talked it through with her, deciding to make a last-ditch effort in the remaining two months of our contract. That was a Monday. We got an email that Tuesday evening, and saw it Wednesday afternoon.

Urgent situation: 3.5 year-old-boy, reportedly autistic, born drug-addicted with one kidney. Nonverbal, not potty trained. Staying in cradle care homes, needs permanent placement asap.

We read the email over a couple times and thought about it.

“We don’t really have enough info to be able to say yes,” Josh said.

“We don’t have enough info to be able to say no… Can I ask some questions?” I asked him.

He agreed to ask and get more information. It could be a situation way over our heads, or it could be doable.

The more we found out, the more our hearts broke for this little boy. He deserved a loving home. We shared his name and some of his story with our biological boys, and we asked God for wisdom. Our boys talked about the things they would share, and all that they would teach him and show him if he came to live with us.

“Does he have a mommy and a daddy?”

“He does, but they aren’t taking care of him.”

“Does anyone care about him? Where is he staying? What does he like to eat?”

We prayed and prayed and kept asking questions and obtaining information. God kept sorting out details before we knew they existed. We committed to pursue Kashton, and the rush began.

The house was quickly rearranged and cleaned, and the four of us packed up to drive to Florida. Two weeks after we had heard of his situation, we were down in his State to meet him.

Kash was staying with a third cradle care family (similar to foster care, but not State-run) when we arrived. They are a wonderful Cuban couple who only speak Spanish. We had a translator for the first meeting, and an app for the interactions that followed. Our limited Spanish vocabulary was put to the test! We learned all that we could about how Kash had been doing; his behaviors, sleep patterns, food and drink intake, progresses and regressions. Kash stayed isolated and refused to interact, but after some time Levi and Caleb got him giggling and playing on one of the beds. Kash’s caregiver began to cry, as she hadn’t seen him open up and interact that way with any other children.

The second day, we took him out with us to a local playground where he promptly took off running. His poor balance combined with a rough night of sleep the night before resulted in more of a free-fall than a run and he toppled over a few times before sitting to play with the grass. We played a bit, then fed everyone lunch and brought him back to the house for nap time.

The third day, we packed up our belongings from the friends’ house we’d been staying at, picked up Kash and arrived at our first Airbnb. We took placement of him the following day, and he has been with us ever since.

That was five weeks ago. And it turns out, this is in fact way over our heads – and because of Christ, it is doable.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”
James 1

We have clung to this chapter in Scripture. Never did we think adoption would be easy – yet, like all of life, it’s impossible to fully know the difficulties until they are experienced. Our faith has been put to the test, and we have questioned ourselves.

Why are we caring for this little boy? Because God asks us to care for the orphan, and He gently and firmly set Kash in our laps.

How will we meet Kash’s needs? “God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). Quite frankly, we can’t meet all of Kash’s needs. Not on our own. Only Christ can give us the strength physically, the wisdom to know what he needs and when, the right resources at the right time.

What about our bio kids and their needs? Do we not think the Lord sees them too? Of course He does; they are not forgotten. They have been on this journey with us from day one, and they know what Scripture says. They know God asks us to care for others, and they have jumped at the opportunity. Their world has expanded dramatically as they’ve experienced another State and culture (Florida and New England are not the same, y’all), and as they’ve spent time with a child who does not talk or think like they do. They are learning more to take all of their needs to the Lord, and it is a beautiful thing. They have accepted Kash and chosen to serve him. Josh and I are so proud of them.

What a crash-course for maturity this has been. The first two weeks we were home, I was sure this boy would break us. But Josh pulled out James 1 and we read it over and over and over. God has proven Himself trustworthy and sufficient for each of our trials.

“Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.”
Ecclesiastes 7:8

This verse is forever in the front of my mind. When we first got Kash, he would not look at us. He would rarely lift his head. His mouth made one sound, a low “ooooh” that would come out as he flapped his hands over a book. He snatched books and toys and held them tight if I tried to move them aside. His steps stuttered and his feet dragged and he wobbled as if constantly drunk. He struggled to climb a playground structure. He only drank strawberry milk and did not feed himself. He would shake and become fearful at bedtime. He would wake in the night screaming, crying, thrashing – inconsolable, for hours on end.

The first night we had him, I placed his hand on his spoon and showed him how to bring food to his mouth. He was thrilled. From that point on, he has been determined to eat his food by himself. Fast-forward to now, just over a month later, and he will look us in the eyes. He has added “mah” and “may” and “bah” and “yah” to his vocabulary, and you better believe we rejoice with each sound! He trusts that if I move a book or toy, he will come back to it and therefore doesn’t hold on tightly. He walks a little straighter, his head stays up longer, his feet don’t shuffle quite as badly. He can climb up and down stairs with minimal help. He drinks water-diluted juice all day and his beloved plain milk at bedtime. Bedtime is no longer a scary ordeal, and his bad nights don’t last quite as long.

A week ago I brought him to the bathroom to change his diaper and figured I’d set him on the potty to get him used to it. Potty training was something I planned to do months later; there are other, higher priorities. But he sat there and peed, like he’d been waiting his whole life to use a toilet. I jumped for joy, he smiled real big. We still have to work on communication so he can tell us he needs to go potty, but for now we make frequent trips to the bathroom and he is happy to have more dry diapers.

With God’s help, he will continue to make progress. God has seen fit to show us which needs to address first, how to adjust diet to help him function better, how to keep our family routine and assimilate Kash into our family life. God is showing me how “the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit” – many times I would much rather hold onto my comforts and plans, yet He asks me to be patient and equips me to do so. This is an intense learning process for all of us, but we trust that the end will be better than the beginning!

We had asked the Lord to send us children, and specifically the children who were hard to place. We sought out private adoption as other avenues had failed – and we waited for the unlikely chance that there would be a child older than a newborn. He surprised us, in His timing, and provided the means to go get Kashton. He has cared for each of us. He saw that our finances were taken care of, even last-minute. He worked out an appointment to get our van serviced right before we headed down, and nudged friends to send clothes and gifts for each boy so they’d be ready upon our arrival back home. He located us close to Dawn during our first week in Florida, and she graciously opened her home to us and reassured me when I was scared and in tears. He worked out our rental stays, as we had to wait day-to-day for clearance to leave the State. The final rental especially was a gift – the exact dates we needed were the only available dates, and we received a discount since it was very last-minute. It was on a farm in horse country, and we had freedom to walk around and pet the animals. How sweet it was to have that time together, and to have things to do just outside our door. God has taken good care of us.

Praise the Lord with us, for His goodness and His perfect timing! And join us in welcoming Kash to our family. Finalization will happen months from now, but he is finally home for good. Thank God!

“So we, Your people and the sheep of Your pasture, will give You thanks forever; we will show forth Your praise to all generations.”
Psalm 79:13

What - Or Who - Do We Magnify?

Weeks ago some symptoms started to worsen. Pain comes and stays with no sign of how long it will occupy that area of my body. Slowly I have become more equipped and educated, adding books to my library of health resources and bottles to our stock of remedies. With supplies ready, I braced myself to ride it out.

One hard weekend passed, and I came back up for air. The busyness of teaching littles and washing dishes and running errands kept my mind occupied, distracted from the discomfort. A flare here and a flare there. Then another rough weekend, what is it about weekends?! (Praise the Lord, many of the hardest stretches are when my husband is home from work.) The pain intensified and I looked for things to be grateful for. Yet my mind began to spiral.

What could this mean? Why is this an issue again?

For over a decade, I didn’t know I was sick. But now that I'm working to heal, it’s as though aches and pains keep coming out of the woodwork. In many ways I’ve gotten sicker before any progress has been made. Turns out, healing isn’t linear.

This pain is new. Where is it coming from? What if — I can’t go there. But I’m going to go there… What do I do? Who do I ask for help?

Problems arise and I don’t have answers. I seek answers. And then… I find myself relying on those [human] answers to maintain my peace. How can I have peace when I could have a tumor? Or another disease? Or nothing, but not know it? How can I walk through suffering well - what does that look like?

In dark hours, my thoughts swirl and go down rabbit trails that should be closed off. Easily and quickly I’ve found myself magnifying the problems. Magnifying fears. Bigger and bigger they appear as I try to shove down the anxiety that’s stuck in my throat. And then like a little spark - into the dark shadows of my mind - comes a ray of light: magnify the Lord.

How do I suffer chronically and not focus on the pain? How do I manage these headaches, or wait for the dizziness to lessen, or bear with the stabbing pain in my neck - and not let them consume my thoughts? How do I not fear the symptoms that may arise next week? What else is there to think of, than these physical problems? And if I think of something else, am I ignoring the problem? being foolish or ignorant or irresponsible?

In Scripture, David says:

"Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together."
Psalm 34:3

And then also, Paul commands us to rejoice in all things:

“Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!”
Philippians 4:4

The commands are to magnify the Lord, and to rejoice in Him. Do we then ignore the struggles? No, not at all. The struggles and circumstances are real, yet He tells us that even in them we can fix our eyes on Him.

Our pastor preached on Philippians 4:4 last week, and I smiled. I knew I wasn’t the only one in the sanctuary who needed the reminder to rejoice, and yet I thanked the Lord for getting me to church that morning to teach me further. Rejoicing should happen in sickness, and in health; when days are easy and when they’re hard; when life is clean with a pretty bow and when it’s messy in a heap. At all times, rejoice!

Over and over - daily - the Lord reminds me to magnify Him and rejoice. And I have found, over and over - daily - that He is sufficient. Often I ask myself, what am I magnifying? Is it pain and problems, or is it the Lord and His nature? It takes training, but we can learn to magnify Him in all things.

In this particular season, I’ve found that He is sufficient to lead me to answers and remedies when I need them. He is sufficient to give me His peace that surpasses all understanding and that wraps me in His comforting arms. This peace is not dependent on circumstances, it is dependent on an unchanging God and is therefore much richer and deeper than we can fathom. He is sufficient to take my load, my burdens, and give me joy. And He is sufficient to do it all again the next day, and the next and the next.

What a treasure we have in the Lord! What a gift, that He would make Himself readily available for all our needs at all times of all days! What a wonderful Father He is, who wants us to understand His nature and be made more into His likeness. He gives us life and He sustains it. Everything, all of it, is for His glory and our good.

You may not be dealing with physical problems; maybe you are having a hard time with other things. Or maybe you are in a season where there are minimal stressors and most days are joyful. If so, praise the Lord! And if not, still praise the Lord! Friend, if you are struggling with your thoughts and what you focus on, begin to magnify the Lord. Rejoice in Him. There is always something to praise Him for. There is always a way to magnify Him above other things. As you practice this, you will find that you are more joyful, days are more lovely, life is more abundant. May He always be praised!

“The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Psalm 23

You can listen to this Psalm here; this rendition is one of our family’s favorites!

Races and Rhythms || Friday Magnify

"Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together."
Psalm 34:3

The ground was covered in icy slush, our feet crunching and sliding as we walked into the woods. The kids ran off the path to a small waterfall, shouting at us to follow.

Our friends oohed and ahhed at the waterfall and continued walking down the hill, tracing the stream toward the river. The boys took off running, again, daring themselves to slip and slide the whole way down. They managed to stay on their feet, thankfully, and without going over the banks into the icy water. A success in this mama’s book.

We admired the river and continued walking around trees and over roots and across muddy slush until we came to another incline. With each step the view of the river expanded, and we were met at the top by a beautiful historic house whose paint has been chipping away slowly over the years.

The boys took off again, this time down another hill facing the edge of the water. My husband hollered at them to stop and they did, reluctantly, knowing the feats that awaited them over that hill. We’ve been there quite a few times; my husband has not. Nevertheless, it was good he stopped them from racing down the crooked, jagged, steep granite steps that this time were covered in snow.

Once we’d all made it down that flight of stairs, we looked with wonder at the river before us. Here we were again, when the ice chunks had begun to float by. The sights of nature, all in rhythm. The same birds, ducking in and out of the water for food. The same voices from the trees, quiet and hidden.

The boys and men grabbed chunks of ice and began tossing them into the water. This led to skipping them, then smashing them, then seeing who could throw the biggest piece the farthest. Yet again, no one fell in and no one even got feet soaked. Another success.

Two out of four phones died, and we laughed and accepted the fact that we wouldn’t be documenting much, save the couple photos I had gotten earlier. Soon our fingers were frozen and the sun was beginning to set, so we headed back to through the woods to the parking lot.

We came out into the clearing to see a tow truck and a few cars remaining in the parking lot. The truck drove off before we could get to it, and there we sat with wheels spinning in the slush. I got in the driver’s seat and the men went to push. Rock back and forth, back and forth; slide up and down, up and down.

A girl who had been waiting on the side of the road stepped out of her car and walked over, offering to help. A few minutes later, a man who’d been on the phone in his car also stepped out and started to push. With more rocking and sliding we finally grabbed pavement and got up onto the road. Everyone then turned their attention to the other man’s car, which was also stuck. They pushed him up to the road, cheered and shook hands, and got into their respective cars. Off we went.

Those shouts of joy, the laughter and sounds of feet stomping through snow, the competition on the river’s edge. The rhythmic happenings of nature, the ice floating downstream as it always does in the winter. The helpful strangers in the parking lot, and just enough daylight to see the situation. A fun and comical afternoon spent with friends. The Lord has been good to us.