What - Or Who - Do We Magnify?

Weeks ago some symptoms started to worsen. Pain comes and stays with no sign of how long it will occupy that area of my body. Slowly I have become more equipped and educated, adding books to my library of health resources and bottles to our stock of remedies. With supplies ready, I braced myself to ride it out.

One hard weekend passed, and I came back up for air. The busyness of teaching littles and washing dishes and running errands kept my mind occupied, distracted from the discomfort. A flare here and a flare there. Then another rough weekend, what is it about weekends?! (Praise the Lord, many of the hardest stretches are when my husband is home from work.) The pain intensified and I looked for things to be grateful for. Yet my mind began to spiral.

What could this mean? Why is this an issue again?

For over a decade, I didn’t know I was sick. But now that I'm working to heal, it’s as though aches and pains keep coming out of the woodwork. In many ways I’ve gotten sicker before any progress has been made. Turns out, healing isn’t linear.

This pain is new. Where is it coming from? What if — I can’t go there. But I’m going to go there… What do I do? Who do I ask for help?

Problems arise and I don’t have answers. I seek answers. And then… I find myself relying on those [human] answers to maintain my peace. How can I have peace when I could have a tumor? Or another disease? Or nothing, but not know it? How can I walk through suffering well - what does that look like?

In dark hours, my thoughts swirl and go down rabbit trails that should be closed off. Easily and quickly I’ve found myself magnifying the problems. Magnifying fears. Bigger and bigger they appear as I try to shove down the anxiety that’s stuck in my throat. And then like a little spark - into the dark shadows of my mind - comes a ray of light: magnify the Lord.

How do I suffer chronically and not focus on the pain? How do I manage these headaches, or wait for the dizziness to lessen, or bear with the stabbing pain in my neck - and not let them consume my thoughts? How do I not fear the symptoms that may arise next week? What else is there to think of, than these physical problems? And if I think of something else, am I ignoring the problem? being foolish or ignorant or irresponsible?

In Scripture, David says:

"Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together."
Psalm 34:3

And then also, Paul commands us to rejoice in all things:

“Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!”
Philippians 4:4

The commands are to magnify the Lord, and to rejoice in Him. Do we then ignore the struggles? No, not at all. The struggles and circumstances are real, yet He tells us that even in them we can fix our eyes on Him.

Our pastor preached on Philippians 4:4 last week, and I smiled. I knew I wasn’t the only one in the sanctuary who needed the reminder to rejoice, and yet I thanked the Lord for getting me to church that morning to teach me further. Rejoicing should happen in sickness, and in health; when days are easy and when they’re hard; when life is clean with a pretty bow and when it’s messy in a heap. At all times, rejoice!

Over and over - daily - the Lord reminds me to magnify Him and rejoice. And I have found, over and over - daily - that He is sufficient. Often I ask myself, what am I magnifying? Is it pain and problems, or is it the Lord and His nature? It takes training, but we can learn to magnify Him in all things.

In this particular season, I’ve found that He is sufficient to lead me to answers and remedies when I need them. He is sufficient to give me His peace that surpasses all understanding and that wraps me in His comforting arms. This peace is not dependent on circumstances, it is dependent on an unchanging God and is therefore much richer and deeper than we can fathom. He is sufficient to take my load, my burdens, and give me joy. And He is sufficient to do it all again the next day, and the next and the next.

What a treasure we have in the Lord! What a gift, that He would make Himself readily available for all our needs at all times of all days! What a wonderful Father He is, who wants us to understand His nature and be made more into His likeness. He gives us life and He sustains it. Everything, all of it, is for His glory and our good.

You may not be dealing with physical problems; maybe you are having a hard time with other things. Or maybe you are in a season where there are minimal stressors and most days are joyful. If so, praise the Lord! And if not, still praise the Lord! Friend, if you are struggling with your thoughts and what you focus on, begin to magnify the Lord. Rejoice in Him. There is always something to praise Him for. There is always a way to magnify Him above other things. As you practice this, you will find that you are more joyful, days are more lovely, life is more abundant. May He always be praised!

“The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Psalm 23

You can listen to this Psalm here; this rendition is one of our family’s favorites!

Let Me Tell You a Story - Part 5

As I said in the beginning of this series, I have no nice little bow to tie this up with. I wish I did - I wish I had answers, for my sake and that of my family. It would be so nice to know what to expect, what to plan on. It would be nice too for a reader, like you, to see how God carried things to completion in a well-written ending.

But the truth is, He isn’t done writing the story.

The last year+ has felt like a stripping of many things. Freedoms, in the world outside our door; plans, as Josh and I have made plans and watched them be thwarted time after time; foods, we make significant changes and rework our diet. I get exhausted mentally from adjusting and readjusting, researching, planning, budgeting, fighting fear. I get exhausted physically from fighting this disease and keeping up with littles.

There are so many questions; you may have wondered them too. How will we care for more children, with me being sick? What if I’m not healed of Lyme? How will we raise and earn enough money to adopt? When will we adopt? What if we face another medical emergency? When will we be able to have a larger home? What if He doesn’t give us the many children we have hoped and prayed for?

If we were talking in my living room, I’d open my Bible for you and tell you two things:

1) I don’t know!
2) But: “…we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

God has seen fit to allow our family these hardships. They could have been a lot worse. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, if it will be easier or if it will be harder. But I do know that my husband and I love the Lord with all of our hearts, and He is working all things in our lives for good. He determines what is “good” - not me. (Hallelujah, because I’d make a terrible god!) I can trust Him with all of these things, and with whatever is to come.

Would I have asked Him for all of these hardships? I can’t say that I would. Yet at the same time, I wouldn’t change it because He has grown my faith immensely through the struggles. Walking through challenge after challenge is very sanctifying if we allow it to be. If we press into Scripture amidst trials, He will shape us to be more like Himself. There are lessons from the last year that I wish I’d learned sooner, and others that I wish I knew better. But I am thankful for the growth He has given me.

We are still walking forward with adoption, and He will show us how it all will look. We know He has called us to it. We’re taking days one at a time, doing what we can, and working to leave our worries at the door. He can handle them.

We are doing the same with Lyme, treating it as best we can and praying that He heals me. He has sustained me thus far, and He is capable of continuing to do so.

These posts may have made it seem like our family’s life is one big rollercoaster ride, and it kind of is. But it’s also very full of the mundane. Josh goes to work, I homeschool the kids and get meals on the table, we play in the yard and go for walks. We read Scripture and sing and wash dishes and play a million games of Connect4. There are fights and squabbles, and daily discipleship as we teach our children (and remind ourselves) how to become Godly adults. There’s joy, forgiveness, peace and contentment. He is a giver of good gifts.

So we wait, and we learn to trust better. We know that someday, in Heaven, life’s pieces will all make sense. It’s that analogy of a beautiful tapestry - He sees the front, the glorious picture; we see jumbled, messy threads in the back. For now, we rest in the fact that He knows what He’s doing and He cares for us.

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
1 Peter 5:6-11, emphasis mine

I pray that through this series of posts, you are able to see this reality I mentioned at the start:

Pain is not bad, and God is always trustworthy.

He never leaves us in the pain, He uses it for our good. He knows and He knows what is best.

And though this completes this particular group of blog posts, it is all to be continued…because God is not done. :)

Thank you for reading along. May He receive glory!

Read all the segments:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Year-End Sentiments

“I’m not making any plans for 2021 - I want to see what I’m agreeing to first!”

Have you noticed there isn’t much goal-setting and resolution-making going on right now? What a strange year this has been! Many of us are looking at 2021 a little hesitant, not sure of what awaits us. Either that or we are frantically rushing forward to leave 2020 behind!

“Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”
Matthew 10:27-31

Each time we have moved to a new place, there have been little brown sparrows. I’ve learned to look for them; sitting on the wire at one apartment, resting in the trees at another house, and now they perch all along our fence. They show up on their own, happily chirping without a care in the world. They are a constant reminder to me of how the Lord has cared for me and my family, regardless of what goes on around us!

I believe 2020 has been a good year, because the Lord ordained it. He saw fit to bring each day and its dealings. It has been a hard year, no doubt about that. But He has exposed darkness, He has shone light in even the corner shadows where evil has lurked unnoticed. He has shuffled our lives so that we - if we are paying attention - can see yet again how life is not in our control. He has been re-prioritizing many things for many people. Has it come without pain? Some of it, but not all of it. Yet He knows what He’s doing and He has cared for us.

If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, I hope you leave 2020 energized. Going forward, we have such opportunity to share the hope of the Gospel to a dying world! We are not able to go on in life just coasting along; we either believe in the Lord or we don’t. We will either stand for His truth or we won’t. It’s hard, but it’s simple.

These are good days, friends. These are days we get to show our children how to live for Christ. These are days we get to be even more purposeful in teaching them and training them in the way God lays out for us. Now is the time to be intentional with our marriages, to put our minds to work in our households, to know that what we are doing as wives and mothers is a holy calling.

This next year is unknown, just like any other year. It will likely be hard and refining. But praise God for the refinement, that we would know Him more and be better able to bring Him glory!

Keep your chin up, dear friends, as we go into this new year. We are not without hope! Be refreshed, knowing that the Lord has already numbered your days and He will not leave you for any one of them. He is always present; a very present help in time of trouble (Psalm 46:1) and always near you in pleasant times too.

Run the race the Lord has called you to. Spend your days immersed in His Word and in prayer, looking for ways to serve and bless others. We have good works ahead of us for His glory, let’s walk in them. A life spent wholly for the Lord is certainly not a life wasted!

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”
Ephesians 2:10

***

“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 3:12-14

Happy New Year!

- Amy

Pain

I can see her eyes full of tears as she texts me of another miscarriage. Her body goes through the process, and she feels hopelessly out of control.

I feel her panic as she searches for answers that might give healing to her family; her desperation to rest before the next challenge begins. Back-to-back the situations come, leaving her whip-lashed and reeling.

My heart aches as my oldest asks about his great grandfather, one that he won’t meet on this earth. How I wanted that meeting to happen, how I long for my grandfather to be here with us.

***

Pain.

We run from it. We don’t want to be uncomfortable, or in pain. Especially the deep pain, the times that split a heart in two and leave a void… the pain that stabs intensely, the pain that dulls to a never-ending ache, the pain that always serves as a reminder.

God tells us He is in everything, always present (Psalm 46:1). Always present - in the pain as well. Hebrews tells us He sympathizes with our weaknesses (4:15), and the Gospels show us that He understands pain. He wept for a friend, had compassion on families with sick children. Beyond that, He endured more hardship than we will know. He was betrayed by a man who was close to him, beaten by those He came to save, hung on a cross and left to die. The wrath of God was poured out on Him - so that those of us who trust in Him will never have to experience it; He took our pain.

He knows pain.

We can go on building up anger and bitterness as we face pain. We can shake our fists at what we perceive to be unjust, even blaming Him for it all. We can run from it, shove it down, refuse to face or deal with it. We can nurse the pain to obsession, and become a victim and be miserable.

Or - we can seek Him amidst the pain.

What if, in the midst of the overwhelming pain - what if that’s where we grow to know our Maker even better? What if that’s where He can show Himself stronger to us, where He can show just how completely He can comfort? What if the pain serves ultimately to bring us joy and greater trust?

“If I say, ‘My foot slips,’
Your mercy, O Lord, will hold me up.
In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
Your comforts delight my soul.” -Psalm 94:18-19

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation.” -2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Pain is not without purpose, friend. Even if that purpose, as far as we can tell, is solely that we would know Him better. I encourage you (and myself) to lean in; fight the urge to run or harbor bitterness. Seek your Lord, desperately. Cry out to Him on the bathroom floor, let the tears fall in the car and ask Him to comfort you. He is more capable to hold and to heal and strengthen than we know - but may we seek to know!

Someday, this promise will come to pass:

“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” -Revelation 21:4

But for now, may we know this intimately:

“Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” -Psalm 73:25-26

Amen!

-Amy

Listen: It Is Well With My Soul