Stories || Friday Magnify

“Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt His name together!”
Psalm 34:3

I sat in my comfy chair early one morning, sipping coffee and reading through Judges while waiting or the sun to come up. Outside was dreary, yet I felt the day had so much potential. One kiddo was awake, rolling around in his bed. The baby started stretching and cooing in his crib, and the other two kiddos were still fast asleep. Soon the quiet would become loud with laughter and pattering of feet.

I took a break from writing, for about a year - the days were simply too full. Too tiring, too emotional (and misplaced emotions - or, unchecked emotions - don’t make for good blog posts). I focused on homeschooling and therapy, healing from losing a little human and growing another precious one. Constantly learning all that I could to stay ahead of each child and make sure his needs were being met. It is a marathon, this role of parenting.

Some days, like this one, I wake up and realize that wow! Here we are. All the plodding has amounted to something. I also realize that there are foot- and handprints to clean on the hallway wall, close to the ceiling, from boys who were not interested in bedtime. I realize that I have a pyrotechnic who just proved he can use a lighter well. I realize that at any given moment my sink may not give me water when I need it, because one son enjoys randomly shutting the valves off. I realize that therapy may turn into a dance party and everyone will come unhinged, even the baby.

And I realize that all of these moments come together to make up a pretty good life. God writes the best stories, doesn’t He?

Catching Up || Friday Magnify

“Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together!”
Psalm 34:3

I stood in the kitchen prepping for dinner with friends, mixer whirling and veggies waiting to be chopped. In came little feet, padding over to the mixer. Kash stood close to it and stopped, staring hesitantly. A couple months ago he began to be wary of it, a fear that came out of nowhere. Even now he can’t stand it, but his curiosity got the best of him. I picked him up and showed him how to turn it on and off, and he adjusted the switch while whimpering and hiding his face in my hair. After a couple minutes, I set him back down and off he ran to the living room.

Another day not long ago, he started making his fearful whimper at the dark in his room, and the dark outside at night. He hasn’t ever seemed to care about the dark until now, which I found puzzling but thanked God that it meant better sleep!

These little things have been huge things for our boy. They are signs to us that his brain is developing and catching up. They are developmental markers that he should have hit years ago but didn’t. We have learned that his left brain is very developed, while his right brain has been very underdeveloped. The discrepancy has had him walking into walls, not talking, spinning but never dizzy, missing all facial and body cues, obsessing over the same toys for months…the list goes on and on. But as time has passed, he has improved in all of these areas. His brain isn’t broken, it is unbalanced and needs help evening out.

This week I am especially thankful for the progress we have seen and the things we have learned. It brings me to tears when I step back and think about it. Just the other day, he asked me to spin him around for the umpteenth time - but this time, I set him down and he was clearly dizzy. He wasn’t sure what to do with it! I don’t know all the scientific terms behind it, but I know that the dizziness means his ears and brain are on their way to functioning properly. Praise God!

Kash’s progress has been a family effort. Our older boys get onto his level and pull him out of his little world; they take him along in their adventures and he loves being a part of their shenanigans. Josh and I are so proud of them and grateful for the compassion they have learned. They ask questions and try to understand as much as they can, and they jump right in with Kash’s exercises and “school” work. All of us work hard and gosh, what a gift it is to see the fruit of our labors. God is so good!

Friday Magnify || The Sewing Machines

“Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together!”
Psalm 34:3

There was a day a couple months ago that my sewing machine and my sister-in-law’s sewing machine both conked out. She had sent hers to be repaired, and it returned in working condition only to fail again. I hadn’t sent mine out, but spent hours fiddling with it and looking at the manual and watching videos about my model machine. A friend even sat with me and tried to troubleshoot, and was equally stumped.

My mother-in-law offered some advice. “You know,” she said, “a while ago Grandma had a washing machine that wouldn’t work. She had little kids at home and no money to fix it, so she prayed over it and asked the Lord to help her out. Funny enough, that machine started working and lasted a few more years!”

I laughed, and asked God if He would somehow get my machine working. I had Christmas stockings to finish sewing, and would really be grateful if I didn’t have to do them all by hand!

Not long after I asked Him, the machine started working. I still don’t know what happened and what made it work, but it hasn’t stopped working since and it makes me smile every time I use it.

The day after my machine started working, my sister-in-law asked the Lord to help her with her machine as well. And He did! It also started working and she has finished her projects. We laughed and thanked Him together!

These stories aren’t something to build a theology around, other than the fact that our God is kind and He cares about the details of our lives. He loves to help us and see us smile, and be thanked in return!

Friday Magnify || Baby Steps

“Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together!”
Psalm 34:3

The Israelites are so relatable. Over and over, the Lord blesses them and does wonders for them and provides for them - and they celebrate and thank Him and then promptly forget. The days carry on and they get back to old bad habits and sins, and they lose track of how the Lord is Lord and cares for His people.

Back in April, Josh and I saw the Lord’s work in front of us as He brought Kash home to us and provided for all of our needs. We have seen His goodness over and over again. Yet I’ve had weeks of losing track, wallowing in how hard the challenges are and how there’s seemingly little progress made. I have to make a conscious effort to look back and reflect, to see that there has in fact been progress, and to thank God for His many blessings!

Four months ago, nobody in our house knew which end was up. Well, some days we did and many days we didn’t. There was a new kid who couldn’t talk and didn’t know how to help himself along and we didn’t know what to do with him. Could he put on his shoes? Nope. Could he walk up the stairs on his own? Nope. Could he play with anyone? Nope. Did he care? Nope.

Yesterday I watched as he looked my older boys in their eyes and laughed. I teared up as they took turns putting a Tupperware container on their heads and beating it like a drum. All of them. Kash. Playing. And happy about it!

The day before that I was overcome with gratitude in a hospital lab. The kids wiggled and tried to control their impulses to grab things and they did well, considering. The pleasant nurse worked hard to get a quick blood draw from Kash while another nurse and I held him with all our might, as he tried to turn himself sideways and slip out of my lap to the floor. Finally the bandage was applied and I braced myself to deal with his anger, which would inevitably turn toward me. Yet he crumpled, and turned into me so I could hold him close. No grabbing and pinching, no clenching his teeth so hard they’d break, no hatred in his eyes. He allowed me - wanted me - to comfort him. Words can’t describe how huge that was.

Later that day Levi found a bag of candy corn stashed in the basement, and we turned it into a fun reward. Levi and Caleb get a piece for each memory verse they can recite, or Psalm they can sing. Kash gets a piece for each sound he can imitate. He will now make a few sounds on demand, with good eye contact. If that’s what it takes to get him talking!

What great marks of progress! What a blessing it is to focus on them, rather than all the challenges and struggles. Lord, thank YOU!

Photo above of Kash, doing his daily morning chore: sorting silverware. Praise God!