Part-Time God

I sat in church this morning thinking of some questions.

Are we getting in the way of God fighting for our kids? Protecting our kids isn’t wrong, sure, but are we letting them experience nothing? Are we swooping in too quickly?

God is mighty. Most of us agree to that with words. But then we jump in front of the train of natural consequences that’s meant for our kids. We rush in and say “I’ve got you. I can protect you. I can save you.” But actually none of that is true. Not really. I can’t save anyone including myself.

It’s not my job to save my kids. It’s my job to teach them how Jesus saves. Sometimes that looks like conversation. Sometimes that looks like stepping aside and handing them over to their insistent behaviors. And sometimes it looks like standing beside them while they suffer those natural consequences; saying “I know and love you still.”

If we swoop in every time our kids make mistakes or seem to be walking down a road that makes us nervous, we only have ourselves to offer. And ourselves runs out pretty dang quick.

But God? That guy keeps going. He never falters. He takes our prayers over our children and whispers in our ear “no. I’ve got them. I’ve always had them. It’s me they really need. And I don’t miss. Stop making me a part time God to your children. I promise you that I’m enough.”

Thank you, God, and amen.

Written by Shontell Brewer. Used with permission.

When you’re not sure how to be thankful this Thanksgiving

Lord, I don’t know how to be thankful.

I try, I look for ways to praise You.

But everything is so challenging, so exhausting.

I’m stretched thin, and weary.

The kids, the house, the finances, everything.

Family, friends --

Lord, it seems like everywhere there’s hardship.

There’s something that stresses me out.

What can I praise You for?

You say to rejoice always, pray without ceasing,

In everything give thanks*;

For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for me.

And I know, Lord, that thanksgiving isn’t a feeling.

It can be, but I can praise You even when I don’t feel it.

It’s a mandate, even, to give thanks.

You deserve it.

I will thank You, Lord.

Help me to feel it, but give me right perspective.

Give me eyes to see how You work for my good,

How You really are in the midst of it all.

Increase my trust in You,

Help me to thank You.

I thank You for another day,

And for the children under this roof.

Thank You for supplying our every need.

Thank You, Lord,

That there’s always something to praise You for.

Amen

*1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Written by Amy Parsons.

Hearers and Doers: Valuing Proper Practice

I used to be of the opinion that if I could just renew my mind in God’s Word then I’d be well on my way towards living a sanctified life. I believed that head knowledge was half the battle and that right thoughts would surely mend wrong actions and motives.

In my circles, “Think Bible” was emphasized, and it’s important. But right thoughts are just the start.

There’s a plain, old, unromantic concept that seems to be up for grabs in our culture and that’s the idea of right practice.

Christian living (aka: doing right) may be out of fashion, but it is just as important as mental ascent to the right doctrine and is essential whether you feel like doing it or not. 

So while much of the blogosphere emphasizes correct doctrine,  I’ve noticed a failure to connect doctrine to local living. Yet, doctrine is not to be learned in a vacuum. Doctrine informs our living and demands our obedience.

Grace is the great enabler that propels us on to obedience, not a loosey-goosey spineless do-whatever-you-want stance. God would never push you to live more like the world but enables you to live counter-culturally and kingdom mindedly as we love others as He loved us. We can’t hold heaven in one hand and hell in another. Neither can Kingdom citizens live like God doesn’t care about holiness.

Psalm 37:3 Trust in the LORD and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.

We have churches full of people who know all the right things. We live in a time of unparalleled access to lexicons of Biblical information but we need to ask whether the church’s practice is better off for it.

Has all of this knowledge fallen on deaf ears or hard hearts?

Knowledge that doesn’t inform our desires, can never reform our lives.

I’m sure you’ve heard someone say that they feel like a total hypocrite if they do XYZ and they didn’t feel like doing it.

“I don’t feel like going to church, so I don’t want to be hypocrite. I have to be true to myself.”– as though actions must always be proceeded by correct feelings.

Sometimes you have to put your big girl pants on and do the right thing.

Any good mother will tell you this.

I rarely feel like getting up in the middle of the night with a cranky toddler, but I do it every.single. time. Changing sheets at 2 am has never been/never will be on my bucket list. But my mother-love and desire for my kids to be cared for and the knowledge that love is sacrifice informs my actions to get up and change sheets and give hugs and reassurance whether I feel it or not. My actions may feel hypocritical in the feelings department, but they are right and good just the same.

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. I Corinthians 10:31

 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. I Corinthians 6:20

Anyone who has been married for more than five years can tell you that the practice of kindness– whether you feel “in love” or not– is the great glue that keeps the home happy, and is the right course of action despite hormones, circumstances, or disappointments. It doesn’t mean you don’t acknowledge disappointment, but it means that it doesn’t become an excuse to go postal on your husband.

At the end of the day, I realize that my desires at the moment have to be re-evaluated and put into their proper place behind right practice. It looks a lot like consistency–boring old self-control–informed by the mind but practiced in the local sense in your home and sphere.

Correct practice has taken a hit in Christian circles because we don’t want to be like the stereotypical church person, the one who knows all the right things but uses that knowledge as bludgeoning tools to look down on others or be the self-appointed church police pointing out everyone’s faults, when their own life is not so hot either. (Have you noticed that these types usually have “glaring faults” and you’re like, really!? You have time to point out other’s faults, but haven’t spent much time worrying about your own? But I digress. lol) We don’t want to be that person. We’ve over-emphasized the heart and put walls up around judging outward actions.

But I need to judge my own actions and ask, Am I loving God with all my heart, soul, mind, strength? Am I living according to His Word? Loving my neighbor as myself?

When I self-reflect, I can see that I need right practice more than I need more knowledge, and I think many, many woman are with me in this. We know quite a bit. We want to live it out, but we get stuck in the moment to moment choices.

How can we take practical steps to embrace correct practice and good old self-discipline, and embrace God’s wisdom for living, that, as it pans out, looks an awful lot like consistent Christianity?

Well, start with what you want and desire?

Most likely, if you are born again, your desire is to live a life that loves God and glorifies Him in a real way, vs a life that seeks self glorification.

Proverbs tells us that following after Wisdom is better than anything else you might desire. (Prov. 8:11)

And when we have that wisdom in hand and heart, we are to be “doers” of the word and not hearers only.

“What God commands, He provides the power to accomplish.” David Powlison

And a quick read-through of the book of James shows us how our desires drive our choices and our everyday walk.

So, If you can’t figure out why you can’t stop hating someone even though you know all the scripture about hate being like murder, and the command to love, etc… and you realize it’s not for lack of knowledge but for lack of desire that you will not obey (desire drives actions), you have to pray for new desires, and good news!!!—-> The Holy Spirit will help with this transformation, because that’s His job, and His desire for your life before you even recognized the need.

(God wants you to do right. He’s on your side in the obedience arena. You just have to make the choice to walk in truth!)

Then we trust and OBEY.

“Lord, you want me to love that person. I want to love you by obeying you. Help me to love that person as you would.”

So, how do you identify your true desires underneath the head knowledge?  Just look for the areas of conflict or tension in your life. It’s really that simple.

Ask yourself, What do I love so much that

• I’m willing to sin to get it

• I’m willing to war with another person to get it

• I’m willing to withhold love/punish to get it

• I’m willing to neglect the Lord over it

• I go to it for comfort.

• I’m willing to isolate myself and ignore sound advice to get it. (Pr. 18:1)

These questions help me to expose any unholy desires that smack in the face of God’s Word.

Look for the sin. But then look to Christ and ask the Holy Spirit for enablement and correction.

“Lord, why am I falling in this area?”

“Why am I so prone to this sin?”

“What lie am I believing about the source of my identify and happiness?”

Then take practical steps that may seem foreign to you and may make you feel like a hypocrite but that you know are exactly what the Lord wants you to do.

• Be kind to that woman who has always tried to undermine you.

• Don’t return an angry response, but offer a blessing.

• Put away the Kettle Chips if you are trying to diet. Stop even buying them.

• Be consistent to spend time in God’s Word.

Walk in the Spirit. Desire to love God most and first knowing that His desire for you is your sanctification so you are both on the same page when you want what He wants.

Written by Sarah Beals of Joy-Filled Days. Used with permission.

When You Feel Like A Less-Than Mother

“Lara, I think you’ve lost some weight.”

My mother-in-law’s words were a stake in my heart, though I know they were never meant to be. I finished zipping my jacket over my tiny baby bump. “Really? Maybe it’s just this jacket making it look that way,” I lied.  

She verbalized the fear I had pushed away all week. I’m not gaining the weight I’m supposed to.

Nine weeks into pregnancy, morning sickness came. Though I had not thrown up yet, each morning I was greeted with nausea that stayed with me all day. For most, this would be considered easy—at least you aren’t throwing up everything you try to eat. But for me, the mere thought of vomiting was crippling.

My fears of throwing up are what started my life-long journey of anxiety. After my first experience with the flu as a young girl, the thought of vomiting gave me a visceral reaction.  I would collapse into panic attacks—crying, screaming, sweating, shaking—anytime my stomach began to get that gurgling feeling. This fear became so strong that at times I refused to eat at all so I wouldn’t have something in my stomach to throw up.

The car ride with my mother-in-law was quiet as I nibbled a saltine. This is not what I pictured pregnancy to be like. Pregnancy was supposed to be exciting, full of pleasant surprises and sweet kicks in my belly. Instead, mine was filled with misery—reminders of the anxiety I had yet to conquer 15 years later as a grown woman. I felt like a weak child again, helpless to a fear that still held me in its grips.

God, why can’t I be free from this, even still? I prayed to myself, wondering and questioning with each silent plea: If I can’t conquer this anxiety, am I really ready for motherhood? How will I raise a courageous child, who can trust God in the unknown, meanwhile I still fight against this anxiety?

Momma, are you afraid that you don’t have it “together enough” to be a mom? Do you already feel like a failure when you see the put-together moms around you? Do you look at their perfectly still children sitting in the pews and feel like giving up?

Aside from my fears of throwing up, I have many other reasons to feel like a failure compared to my fellow mom friends. But God is giving me a new hope in him, and teaching me to stop looking around at others and start looking at him.

The Joy-Robbing Comparisons

It is a gift to be in a church with fellow mothers who love God and desire to raise their children according to his Word. It’s a joy to come alongside of them and to learn from their years of mothering, both by discussion and simply watching. We see in Titus 2 that this is God’s good intentions for the women in the body of Christ—that the older women would disciple and teach the younger.

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” (Titus 2:3-5 ESV).

Sadly, we have the tendency to turn that joyful gift into despairing heartache by comparing rather than learning. Rather than looking up to these women, we begin to despise and envy them in our hearts because we do not measure up. We compare our children, our words, our methods, and our choices to see whether we did better or worse. This creates for competition rather than fellowship, and exhausted sadness rather than joy.

This is what our sinful hearts are inclined to do. But we must train them according to God’s Word. Rather than giving way to despairing comparison, we should strive to learn from one another as God intended, and encourage one another in Christ. It’s not a competition but a relay race of passing the baton to the next generation, cheering on those who are still running, and learning from those who have years of training under their belts.

The Only Life-Giving Comparison

There is only one we should be comparing ourselves to in every aspect of our journey: Christ. Comparing ourselves to other women can lead to pride. But when we compare ourselves to Christ, we see ourselves rightly: An imperfect sinner who can never measure up. We realize that no matter how hard we strive, we will never meet his standard of perfection. Maybe with enough striving we could come close to matching our friends, but we will never match Christ in his blamelessness.

Instead of despair, this comparison should bring us joy as we remember the gospel. Christ died for imperfect people. He died for moms who would yell at their children, who would become annoyed with their chatter, and who would make poor choices. He died for sinful women like us. And he rose again, paving the way for us to rise to new life with him. He lived, died, and rose in perfection because we could not. And though we are totally undeserving of it, he accredits his righteousness to our account, as if we lived it.

When we trust in Jesus’ work on the cross and repent of our sins, he renews our hearts and give us the Holy Spirit so that we can obey him. Our new desire is not to strive to look like that put-together mom in the pew in front of us, but to look like Christ in order to glorify him.

If you are stuck in the game of comparison among the women in your church, remember the gospel. Preach this to your heart. Begin comparing yourself to Christ. In every aspect of your parenting, your goal is not to look like your friends, but to look like Christ. To lead your child gently as Christ leads the church. To teach them to repent of their sins and turn to Christ. This is your goal, momma.

The Sweet Tension

I stared out the window of the car, watching the evergreens pass by.

There was a sweetness to this tension of still struggling with my anxiety even now as a soon-to-be mom. As much as I hated the fear and wanted to be free from it, it was a constant reminder that I will never be a perfect mom. There’s no “getting it together” before baby comes. I am a weak and sinful human being who will always struggle, and so will my sweet baby. In those times of weakness, my baby doesn’t need a put-together-mom. My baby will need Jesus. And in spite of my own limitations and how much carrying a baby has reminded me of them, my anxiety has also been the reminder that in all my imperfections, I can point my baby to the Perfect Saviour.

Originally written for Strength & Song by Lara d’Entremont.