Wings || Guest Post

Written by my dear friend Katie, mama of five and faithful follower of the Lord. Katie girl - thanks for letting me share your words. ;)
You can get a glimpse of her beautiful life here; you’ll be encouraged.

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I reach a point during the day - usually before 10am - where I wish I could grow wings and fly away.

Far away from the constant screaming. The fighting between siblings. The noise and clamor.

And when there is a brief moment of peace, there will always be the never-ending questions from inquisitive little toddlers. Multiple demands for juice. And the diaper changes. The many, many diaper changes.

I find myself only saying the words, “What is it?” “Don’t do that.” “Stop it.” “Not right now.” “Please wait.” I forgot what it is like to put complete thoughts and sentences together.

My heart is racing purely because I am on high alert. The adrenaline is rushing through my system at the sound of each shrill scream. Who is hurt? Who hurt who? Who needs discipline? How should I discipline? “Give me wisdom, Lord.”

My head is pounding. Another pregnancy migraine. I wish I could rest. And so I lie down on my unmade bed, hoping the children will realize I need a moment. Maybe the show I put on for them will keep them distracted for 30 minutes. But they find me. Rest is over. “Give me Your solace, Lord.”

I set the four kids up with dominos and Magna Tiles in the play room. They are playing peacefully. I slip away for 2 minutes to take a quick shower before the speech therapist arrives. But not even a minute in, I hear the toddler crying, and big sister close behind her. I get out of the shower, dripping wet, ready and armed to comfort and correct. “Give me gentleness, Lord.”

Crisis over for now. I glance at my phone, purely out of habit. Maybe something will distract me. There is a message on my blog from a woman who just found [my Facebook] page. She is reaching out with questions. I wish I had the answers for her, but I don’t even have the headspace to open up the message. If I turn my back for one second, or set my attention on my phone for longer than one moment, I don’t know what might happen. Chaos. And so I stay focused. In the moment. My eyes fixed on the children and their needs. The message will have to wait for later. “Give me purpose, Lord.”

My mind is working overtime, all the time - but then why am I drawing blanks all day? Why can I not be creative with the kids? I have no energy. It takes every bit of it out of me just to stay calm, present, in the here and now. Lunch on the table, dishes washed, children clean. I play peaceful piano music in the living room, desperate to bring an atmosphere of peace and calm to my home. But the music becomes just another annoyance, another noise to bear, and I end up shutting it off after only one song. “Give me Your peace, Lord.”

As I write, a child is crying. I don’t know why, but can probably guess.

Yes, I wish I could fly away and be at rest.

But here is where I am.

In the noise, in the chaos, in the unsettled.

I am undone.

My world is not right side up right now.

And yet in this place, I worship. I bow down, I lay down every burden, and I lift up my voice. I let go. I cry from the depths of my soul, “God, You are good! I love You! I worship You!” My voice weakens as the tears close up my throat. I drop to my knees, and am overcome by an immense, overwhelming realization that God loves me and is enough for me. In my mess. In my weakness. He is there, and He is ready to uphold me with strength in my soul.

He gives me wings. His wings of courage. Peace. Joy. Strength. My feet do not budge from this earth, but my spirit is lifted high. In this place of worship, I break free from every burden that would wish to weigh me down. Every lie from the enemy that would make me question His love and care for me. Every wrong attitude that would cause me to look at my children and despise my motherhood.

I have to go back to this place every day, this secret place with the Lord. My prayer closet. My resting place. It doesn’t look like what it used to. It is not always a physical place, but a place I go to when my heart is overcharged, and spirit overwhelmed.

Before children, my times with Jesus were carefully carved out every day. Some would call it “morning devotions” or “quiet time.” I sat in my clean bedroom, candle lit, hot tea in hand. Open Bible and pen ready to journal all the things I had on my heart. My mind was fresh and clear. There was no noise or clamor outside my bedroom door. Those days are but a distant memory to me.

But now. Now, the desperation I have for God to speak to me, to comfort me, to uphold me in the middle moments brings me to a different kind of “quiet time.” In this place, He meets me while I wash dishes. While I change the 10th diaper of the day. While I break up another argument. While I want to hide my face in the covers, blocking out the noise. While I simply do the next thing.

Have you met with Him today? Has your trouble made you run into His arms? Is He your hiding place and your shelter from every storm?

In this this place, you will find your wings to fly. Perhaps not away from your trouble, but towards sweet Jesus. Let Him be your song in the night. Your light in the darkness. Your joy in the mourning.

You can bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and do all things through Christ who gives you strength.

"I said, Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and find rest… As for me, I will call upon God; and the Lord shall save me. Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and He shall hear my voice. Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken."
Psalm 55

Serving Him

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”
Colossians 3:23-24

“Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is man’s all. For God will bring every work into judgment, including every secret thing, whether good or evil.”
Ecclesiastes 12:14

What are you doing today? Washing dishes? Changing diapers, making beds, doing laundry? Working at an office or from home? Watching birds out your window?

Our day has been full of this, that, and the other. Cleaning orange juice spots off the floor, washing sheets and blankets, working on lessons and organizing rooms, building forts and train tracks. I finished folding laundry and sat down for a minute, thinking about these verses.

Some of what I’ve done today will be seen, mostly by my husband and children. Some of it won’t be seen by anyone besides the Lord. This used to annoy me; why do things if no one will ever see them?! Oh, my prideful heart.

God sees what is done, always. And it is Him that I am serving - I want to please Him. Will He care if I lined up the corners of my kids’ pants just right when I folded them? Eh, probably not. But, will He care about my attitude while I did all these mundane chores? You betcha. Did I scrub the floor willingly, or did I bemoan the fact that my kids wanted to dance instead of sit with their drippy little popsicles? Did I throw an internal fit because the house is trashed, or did I take a deep breath and smile because it will be back to normal tomorrow?

All that we do is seen by our Lord. It is a gift, if you think about it - He is not absent from our days, for better or for worse! God, the Lord - the one who will someday welcome us into Heaven, not because of anything we’ve done but because of His Son’s sacrifice. What a joy it is to serve Him! Serve Him well today, friends. :)

The Guide Book || Friday Magnify

“Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.”
Psalm 34:3

Parenting is daunting. We are given little humans to learn about and teach and disciple…and then they get big enough to be out on their own.

Countless times I’ve heard something to the effect of, “Phew, I hope they turn out alright!” as if a parent has no impact on who a child becomes. This is discouraging!

While it’s true we don’t control our children, and they do make decisions of our own - parenting isn’t a lottery game, throwing in some good lessons here and there and hoping they come out valuable. I think we’ve forgotten that we do in fact have a guide book for raising our children - Scripture!

Scripture gives us adults guidelines to live by; it shows us how to conduct ourselves and how to interact with others. It is the basis for how a Christian ought to live.

If it works for adults, why wouldn’t it work for children - who are growing into adults?

This seems like such an obvious thing to say, but we easily forget that Scripture is just as applicable to a child as it is to an adult. We want our children to grow into mature, Godly men and women. That means we need to be intentional while they are young to teach them God’s Word and hold them to His standards. We diligently teach and train them, and pray that the Lord stirs their hearts to recognize their need for a Savior.

A Christian home that is based on Scripture yields much good fruit! It takes Mom and Dad prioritizing reading Scripture on their own, and figuring out how to apply God’s principles to the family unit. It takes a lot of patience, hard work, and perseverance. It takes forgiveness, gentleness, and kindness. It is not an easy thing, but it is a good and noble task and one that our Heavenly Father calls us to.

We are immensely blessed to have God’s Word to guide us and help us as parents. We get to learn from the one perfect Father. We get to share His rules, His mercy, and His love with our children, and they get to taste Christian fellowship in their home. All gifts! I am so thankful.

If you want more practical tips and experiences of how to apply Scripture to your family’s life, I highly suggest listening to some of the podcasts on my Resources page. Our family has been hugely blessed by the content of these faithful believers! :)

Let Me Tell You a Story - Part 5

As I said in the beginning of this series, I have no nice little bow to tie this up with. I wish I did - I wish I had answers, for my sake and that of my family. It would be so nice to know what to expect, what to plan on. It would be nice too for a reader, like you, to see how God carried things to completion in a well-written ending.

But the truth is, He isn’t done writing the story.

The last year+ has felt like a stripping of many things. Freedoms, in the world outside our door; plans, as Josh and I have made plans and watched them be thwarted time after time; foods, we make significant changes and rework our diet. I get exhausted mentally from adjusting and readjusting, researching, planning, budgeting, fighting fear. I get exhausted physically from fighting this disease and keeping up with littles.

There are so many questions; you may have wondered them too. How will we care for more children, with me being sick? What if I’m not healed of Lyme? How will we raise and earn enough money to adopt? When will we adopt? What if we face another medical emergency? When will we be able to have a larger home? What if He doesn’t give us the many children we have hoped and prayed for?

If we were talking in my living room, I’d open my Bible for you and tell you two things:

1) I don’t know!
2) But: “…we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

God has seen fit to allow our family these hardships. They could have been a lot worse. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, if it will be easier or if it will be harder. But I do know that my husband and I love the Lord with all of our hearts, and He is working all things in our lives for good. He determines what is “good” - not me. (Hallelujah, because I’d make a terrible god!) I can trust Him with all of these things, and with whatever is to come.

Would I have asked Him for all of these hardships? I can’t say that I would. Yet at the same time, I wouldn’t change it because He has grown my faith immensely through the struggles. Walking through challenge after challenge is very sanctifying if we allow it to be. If we press into Scripture amidst trials, He will shape us to be more like Himself. There are lessons from the last year that I wish I’d learned sooner, and others that I wish I knew better. But I am thankful for the growth He has given me.

We are still walking forward with adoption, and He will show us how it all will look. We know He has called us to it. We’re taking days one at a time, doing what we can, and working to leave our worries at the door. He can handle them.

We are doing the same with Lyme, treating it as best we can and praying that He heals me. He has sustained me thus far, and He is capable of continuing to do so.

These posts may have made it seem like our family’s life is one big rollercoaster ride, and it kind of is. But it’s also very full of the mundane. Josh goes to work, I homeschool the kids and get meals on the table, we play in the yard and go for walks. We read Scripture and sing and wash dishes and play a million games of Connect4. There are fights and squabbles, and daily discipleship as we teach our children (and remind ourselves) how to become Godly adults. There’s joy, forgiveness, peace and contentment. He is a giver of good gifts.

So we wait, and we learn to trust better. We know that someday, in Heaven, life’s pieces will all make sense. It’s that analogy of a beautiful tapestry - He sees the front, the glorious picture; we see jumbled, messy threads in the back. For now, we rest in the fact that He knows what He’s doing and He cares for us.

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
1 Peter 5:6-11, emphasis mine

I pray that through this series of posts, you are able to see this reality I mentioned at the start:

Pain is not bad, and God is always trustworthy.

He never leaves us in the pain, He uses it for our good. He knows and He knows what is best.

And though this completes this particular group of blog posts, it is all to be continued…because God is not done. :)

Thank you for reading along. May He receive glory!

Read all the segments:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4