Hope is not Named Boaz

Some things feel too vulnerable to share.

And while I’d prefer to keep the deepest layers of my heart tucked safely in, sometimes we just need the relief of realizing that someone else walking a similar path has experienced the same emotions and reactions we’re experiencing.

So while it feels a bit risky, it’s worth it if it lifts another sister up, redirects our heart and helps us live where we are and love where we are.

Because I was caught off guard at how soon after Dan’s death I became obsessed with remarrying.

I don’t use that word lightly. It preoccupied my waking moments and became the longing of my broken heart.

When I read grief books by other widows, I’d flip to the last chapter to see if she had remarried. How long had she waited? How had they met? Was she happy?

God, please don’t make me wait ten years, I’d pray.

I had loved Dan deeply. And I had loved being married.

But oh, the conflict.

I’d steal glances at ring fingers and become simultaneously horrified at the possibility of even making eye contact.

I was madly in love with Dan and desperately wanting to remarry.

Even in the rawest ache of grief, my mind churned with when, where, how and who God might bring into my life. For more than 20 years, my heart had been given to one man. And I missed it.

Wait for your Boaz.

It’s the heart cry for the single Christian girl waiting on a godly man.

When you’re suddenly thrust into the club of young widows, the possibility of a Boaz holds out bright hope.

I’m sure it’s the same for my other single sisters.

When friend after friend gets engaged, part of you celebrates wildly while the other part wonders when your Boaz is gonna show up.

When you’ve gone through the nightmare of rejection and betrayal, you dream of a Boaz who will love, honor and cherish you.

Wait for your Boaz.

The story of Ruth spells hope for every single girl, every widow, every woman who’s heart has been crushed.

It feels like God tucked the best love story ever into the Bible just so we’d know it can happen.

And happen better than any Nicholas Sparks novel.

Ruth was a young woman in Moab who married into a Hebrew family. Elimelech, Naomi and their two sons left their hometown of Bethlehem and migrated to next door Moab when famine hit. Their sons married Moabite women – one named Orpah and the other Ruth.

That’s when the bottom dropped out. First patriarch Elimelech died and then – unbelievably – both sons. Naomi was left without husband, without sons, and both Orpah and Ruth became young widows. In ancient times, this was beyond heartbreak. This was desolation.

In deep grief, Naomi was hopeless. She could offer nothing to her daughters-in-law. She’d go empty and bitter back to Bethlehem. Orpah returned to her Moabite family and Ruth alone vowed to go with Naomi.

But not because of Boaz. It was never Boaz that made Ruth move forward in faith. Ruth had never heard the name. She didn’t know Boaz existed. She wasn’t going to Bethlehem for Boaz or even for a Boaz.

Ruth’s longing was not for Boaz, but for God.

“Your people will be my people and your God my God.” Ruth 1:16

Ruth could move forward into her bleak and empty future because she placed her hope in God.

And this is where the violins cue to fortissimo. Ruth found provision as she gleaned in the fields, protection as she gleaned from Boaz’s fields and then full out prosperity as Boaz redeemed his right of kinship and took her as his wife. The book ends as Boaz and Ruth have a child, whose grandson would one day be King David.

All the satisfying sighs as they lived happily ever after.

Because isn’t that what we single girls want? We desperately long to live happily ever after with our own Boaz.

So often we look at the book of Ruth and think, Yes! God can do the impossible. He can bring a wonderful, godly, successful man to my life. Look — it happened to Ruth! And it can happen to me, too.

So we join the singles class at church and scour the e-dating site and begin to view every event as the ONE possibility that will introduce us to our Boaz.

I’m not knocking the singles classes at church or e-dating sites.

But we’ve read into Ruth a message that God doesn’t give.

Because the hero in the book of Ruth is not Boaz.

The hero in the book of Ruth is God.

Ruth sought God, not Boaz, with her whole heart. Ruth trusted God, not Boaz, with her whole heart. Ruth went to Bethlehem for God, not Boaz.

It was God who provided for Ruth.
It was God who protected Ruth.
And it was God who prospered Ruth.

I realized a long time ago that I had to deal with my own longing for Boaz. It was taking up valuable soul space, misdirecting my hope and healing.

God is my hero. God alone can give me hope, ease the raw ache of my broken heart and prosper me to live well where I am, and to love well where I am.

I had to long for God alone.

I’d like to say it was easy to lay it down. But it was an over and over again process of giving my heart, my hurt and every hope to God and trusting him. Over time, my preoccupation to remarry began to fall away. I still have dreams tucked in close, but they don’t redirect my heart.

God is my Boaz. And he’s yours, too.

Originally written by Lisa Appelo of True & Faithful. Used with permission.

Sharing the Load

People always ask me how I do everything. Truth is, I don't! This guy right here literally carries the load.😉

Let me share with you a few things we do as a couple that has helped us stay strong in our marriage:

1) Think the best of one another, not the worst.

2) He gives me back-massages, which always leads to mutual intimacy.😉

3) Be a team player. Share the load. Literally.

4) If you're frustrated about something, speak up in a kind way, after the kids have gone to bed and you've had a few minutes to chill first.

5) Being opposites helps balance us out in a good way. Otherwise I would be broke, and he never would have had the courage to pursue his dreams.😉 (P.S. he's still getting there.)

6) Let him take out the trash, and you put the trash bag in. Otherwise, you will always be irritated that he forgot.😁

7) Speak his love language. He loves acts of service. So do it. And let him know what you love in return and he will do it too. Stop hinting and just be blunt with how you love to be loved. This isn't Hollywood, this is real life and a thriving relationship takes honest communication.

8) Pray together. It's amazing the intimacy and peace that is brought when you open up spiritual intimacy in your marriage.

What about you? What do you do to keep your marriage alive and thriving?

Originally posted on Facebook by Rachel Swanson. Used with permission.

Mrs. Ann

Her health allowing, a kind, aging widow weekly sits in the pew in front of us at church. She nods along as our pastor preaches doctrine, and especially when he reminds us of the faithfulness of the Lord Jesus to His children. This morning, though, I was deeply moved when I heard Mrs. Ann’s voice clearly, firmly singing our parting song:

He’s fairer than lilies of rarest bloom;

He’s sweeter than honey from out the comb;

He’s all that my hungering spirit needs;

I’d rather have Jesus and let him lead

Than to be the king of a vast domain

Or be held in sin’s dread sway;

I’d rather have Jesus than anything

This world affords today.

Recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, facing many unknowns in her sunsetting years, I don’t know how to communicate to her how the melody of her testimony settles and reassures and fills me with courage. A woman who has lived eight or so decades stands with her small-town church family on an average Sunday morning and with faith and hope heralds the beauties of the Savior she knows so well, her Beloved who has kept her, held her, and brought her safely thus far.

And in the church pew behind her stands a younger woman; she is a mother with her husband and children. She is singing, too, but she struggles often with faith and hope, because she knows that her little family will encounter their own unknowns, and so she fights hard for faith and joy in the God of the promises. But as the older woman's song declares the faithfulness of our precious Lord Jesus, on this Sunday morning the young mom's heart is filled -- filled to the brim with joy and courage, hope and faith through the bold and gracious testimony spilling forth from the older, godly woman.

"I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken…” Psalm 37:25.

Written by an anonymous contributor.

A Wife of Valor

Recently I opened my Bible to Proverbs 31. As a female, this chapter is one very familiar to me. When I was 13 my mom sent me to a weekly Bible study for young ladies. As a tomboy who loved adventure and despised anything pink, a Proverbs 31 study brought to mind a neat orderly row of girls dressed in pink frilly dresses dutifully knitting socks while conversing in low tones. Turns out that picture was actually pretty accurate.

To attend, you had to wear a skirt or dress that was knee-length or longer (no pants or shorts allowed). Each week you had to memorize two verses of Proverbs 31, with the end goal of memorizing the whole chapter. Each week we learned a new skill: embroidery, cooking, sewing a pillowcase, and honestly I don’t remember what else, except that it had to do with becoming the model future wife and mother that Proverbs 31 supposedly dictated all little women should be. All I know is that it was the most boring time of my life (except for the snack break, that was the highlight for sure).

One week, as we sat in our skirts, embroidering roses on handkerchiefs, I mentioned in an exasperated tone how much I despised sewing (after pricking myself for the tenth time with the sewing needle). Fast forward to that afternoon, when my mom received a call from the study leader who basically said your daughter is being a bad example by saying she hates sewing, and we may have to ask her to leave if she doesn’t settle down and conform to the biblical image of femininity that we are trying to instill in these girls.

I admit my attitude was NOT where it should be. The heart behind that group was in the right place, and the leader genuinely cared about each and every student! I will also add that I was probably the only girl who didn’t enjoy everything, the others thought it was loads of fun.

But I have to be honest. That study ruined Proverbs 31 for me for many years. In my mind, that passage meant becoming a stagnant entity whose sole existence was to slave in the house and care for husband and children. The Proverbs 31 woman appeared to me as a passive behind-the-scenes person who didn’t really play an exciting role in the family unit. As a result, that scripture really fell off my radar as the years went by and I became an adult, a wife, and then a mother myself.

Until that day a few weeks ago when I opened up my Bible to that chapter and began to read.

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.

Proverbs 31:10

I checked out the footnotes in my Bible for that verse, and it translated “virtuous wife” as lit. “wife of valor”. Hold up. Valor? I looked up the definition of valor.

Valor: strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness: personal bravery….Great courage in the face of danger, especially battle.

Turns out the word valor comes from the Latin “valorem”, which means “strength, moral worth” with the sense of “courage” added later.

This changed everything for me. I saw Proverbs 31 in a completely different light! The image in my mind of the P31 woman was formerly of a diminutive, forlorn, forgotten individual who rarely thought for herself, deferred to her husband in all things, and modestly remained in the background of life.

Yet what comes to mind when I read, “Wife of valor”? I see a woman who holds down the frontlines at home. I see a woman who courageously fights for her family, who puts their well-being first and protects them no matter what. Who trains up her children to be warriors for Christ. A strong woman who doesn’t fall to pieces when hardships comes upon her family. A wife whose husband trusts and respects and goes to for advice. That is a woman I will gladly aspire to become!

So, I challenge you, weary soul in charge of the daily ins and outs of your household, read Proverbs 31 in a different light. Look for the character of the godly woman it describes, and picture her going about the various tasks of the day with courage, bravery, and strength of mind. God knows full well that being a mother requires those traits just as much as a soldier!

Let’s be a wife of valor most importantly for our husbands. My husband needs a wife who he can trust won’t crumble when the going gets rough. A wife who can be counted on to share the burden of raising a family. A wife he can come home to with anticipation, knowing that she will be there with arms open wide to greet him, no matter how the day went.

The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.

Proverbs 31:11

Learning about the wife of valor will be an ongoing lesson for me, one that humbles and convicts, but one that I am so thankful the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to. May it be an eye-opener for you as well, friend!

Written by Strength & Song Admin, Natalya Brown.