It’s weird for me to think that this time, six years ago, I was a young 19 yr old who had a pretty firm idea of what I wanted my life to look like. I was moving towards my dream of being a full-time missionary, hopefully overseas one day, and my dream did not include a husband, let alone children. Yet the Lord had already begun the softening process in my heart towards the beautiful covenant of marriage.

In the spring of 2013, before I met Joe, I traveled to India. I had a couple books to read on the many flights as my team and I traveled across that amazing country. On the flight from Dubai to New Delhi, I took out “The Apocalypse of Ahmadinejad: the Revelation of Iran’s Nuclear Prophet” by Mark Hitchcock. Looking around me, I saw mostly middle eastern, Muslim men and decided that I should probably read something else. So, I started a book I had put off reading ever since my mom had given it to me almost a year before.

“Let Me Be a Woman”, written by Elisabeth Elliot, always triggered an immediate eye roll from me. One, it had a soft pink cover with the image of a woman’s head with perfectly styled hair. I hate pink. Two, I was a self proclaimed tomboy who prided myself on my independent spirit and zero desire for marriage or a family. A book about biblical femininity, composed of letters written by a mom addressed to her recently engaged daughter, held zero appeal (obviously, since I would rather read a book about an Iranian dictator).

I read the entire book in that flight, and the Lord used Elisabeth Elliot’s words to reveal to my silly soul the TRUTH regarding femininity and marriage – the beginning of a complete transformation that changed the course of my life.

It is a naive sort of feminism that insists that women prove their ability to do all the things that men do. This is a distortion and a travesty. Men have never sought to prove that they can do all the things women do. Why subject women to purely masculine criteria? Women can and ought to be judged by the criteria of femininity, for it is in their femininity that they participate in the human race. And femininity has its limitations. So has masculinity.
Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman

I spent most of my teen years proving that I could do all the things my brother and his friends could do. I remember at his 13th birthday party, I arm wrestled his friends and made one of them cry because I wanted to prove a girl was stronger. When I went salmon fishing, I stayed out in the freezing river until I got hypothermia to prove that I was tough enough and didn’t need a break. When my period started, I was so frustrated and angry. I didn’t see the gift of fertility as a blessing, I saw it as a limitation – how unfair that only girls had to deal with all that every.single.month.!

With that attitude firmly entrenched in my heart, the quote above rocked my world. The feminist movement has spent so much effort trying to make way for women to become like men. What a boost to the male ego! You don’t see men attempting to take over roles that women are best equipped for. I think this problem dates back to the fall, ladies.

…your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.
Genesis 3:16b

I read in a commentary something that stuck – when the Bible says Eve’s desire will be for her husband, it means her desire shall be for her husband’s position, yet she is to remain under his authority. That longing to step in to a role that isn’t ours has plagued women throughout the ages. Have you seen it in your own marriages? The desire to take the matters into your own hands and jump the gun when it feels like your husband is taking forever to make a decision, or when it seems like his leadership skills are inferior to yours?

On June 14th, 2015, I stood before about 150 people and pledged myself to love, serve, honor and obey Joe Brown. The Lord had accomplished a remarkable work in my heart since the spring of 2013. I was now in awe of the beauty and holiness of the marriage covenant, and eager and excited to step in to my role of wife and, one day, mother. But that desire for my husband’s role gradually crept in and things came to a head about a year in to our marriage.

Joe and I had moved into the house he grew up in. It was packed full of his family’s possessions, which made it very difficult to make our own. I longed for a new place to live, somewhere we could start from scratch and I could decorate and design and make into a home unique to us. I pestered and nagged my husband for weeks. I would spend hours looking at available rentals around town, printing out the ones I liked and placing them where I knew my husband would see them. I couldn’t understand why it was taking him soooooo long to reach the same conclusion as I – that it would be best to find a new place to live, ASAP. I was annoyed that I couldn’t just take matters into my own hands and move forward with my plan.

Finally, after about a month or two of me pressuring him, Joe had enough. He came home from work and I immediately greeted him with the latest rentals I was interested in, and he pushed them away and said he had had enough. I remember my heart pounding as I realized I had a choice to make – either submit to my husband or fight with all my might for my way. I looked at all the saved tabs on our laptop, available places that I wanted to move to, and then I looked at the house we currently were living in. I was so convinced that this place was what was in the way of my happiness and contentment. But I knew that God had given my husband the leadership and to skirt Joe’s authority and push for my way would be to undermine the authority of God Himself.

I cried. Many hot and angry tears. But by God’s grace I submitted and told my husband I wouldn’t bring the matter up again, and I kept my word. It hurt, for sure, but I’m so thankful for that experience! Submission stings, but it brings peace and freedom because you are walking in obedience to the Lord. My disobedient desire to usurp my husband’s role was the real obstacle to my happiness and contentment, because it was coming between my relationship with the Lord.

Freedom begins way back. It begins not with doing what you want but with doing what you ought – that is, with discipline.
Elisabeth Elliot
As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.
1 Peter 1:14
He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.
John 14:21 (words of Jesus)

What a gift we can give to our families – submission to God through living in contentment and peace in the role God has given us, without coveting the role given to our spouse. It is a beautiful example of Christ and the Church – the model marriage is intended to reflect.

You can’t talk about the idea of equality and the idea of self-giving in the same breath. You can talk about partnership, but it is the partnership of the dance. If two people agree to dance together, they agree to give and take, one to lead and one to follow. This is what dance is. Insistence that both lead means there won’t be any dance.
It is the woman’s delighted yielding to the man’s lead that gives him freedom. It is the man’s willingness to take the lead that gives her freedom. Acceptance of their respective positions frees them both and whirls them into joy.
Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman

Originally written and shared by Natalya Brown. Used with permission.

Recently I opened my Bible to Proverbs 31. As a female, this chapter is one very familiar to me. When I was 13 my mom sent me to a weekly Bible study for young ladies. As a tomboy who loved adventure and despised anything pink, a Proverbs 31 study brought to mind a neat orderly row of girls dressed in pink frilly dresses dutifully knitting socks while conversing in low tones. Turns out that picture was actually pretty accurate.

To attend, you had to wear a skirt or dress that was knee-length or longer (no pants or shorts allowed). Each week you had to memorize two verses of Proverbs 31, with the end goal of memorizing the whole chapter. Each week we learned a new skill: embroidery, cooking, sewing a pillowcase, and honestly I don’t remember what else, except that it had to do with becoming the model future wife and mother that Proverbs 31 supposedly dictated all little women should be. All I know is that it was the most boring time of my life (except for the snack break, that was the highlight for sure).

One week, as we sat in our skirts, embroidering roses on handkerchiefs, I mentioned in an exasperated tone how much I despised sewing (after pricking myself for the tenth time with the sewing needle). Fast forward to that afternoon, when my mom received a call from the study leader who basically said your daughter is being a bad example by saying she hates sewing, and we may have to ask her to leave if she doesn’t settle down and conform to the biblical image of femininity that we are trying to instill in these girls.

I admit my attitude was NOT where it should be. The heart behind that group was in the right place, and the leader genuinely cared about each and every student! I will also add that I was probably the only girl who didn’t enjoy everything, the others thought it was loads of fun.

But I have to be honest. That study ruined Proverbs 31 for me for many years. In my mind, that passage meant becoming a stagnant entity whose sole existence was to slave in the house and care for husband and children. The Proverbs 31 woman appeared to me as a passive behind-the-scenes person who didn’t really play an exciting role in the family unit. As a result, that scripture really fell off my radar as the years went by and I became an adult, a wife, and then a mother myself.

Until that day a few weeks ago when I opened up my Bible to that chapter and began to read.

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.
Proverbs 31:10

I checked out the footnotes in my Bible for that verse, and it translated “virtuous wife” as lit. “wife of valor”. Hold up. Valor? I looked up the definition of valor.

Valor: strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness: personal bravery….Great courage in the face of danger, especially battle.

Turns out the word valor comes from the Latin “valorem”, which means “strength, moral worth” with the sense of “courage” added later.

This changed everything for me. I saw Proverbs 31 in a completely different light! The image in my mind of the P31 woman was formerly of a diminutive, forlorn, forgotten individual who rarely thought for herself, deferred to her husband in all things, and modestly remained in the background of life.

Yet what comes to mind when I read, “Wife of valor”? I see a woman who holds down the frontlines at home. I see a woman who courageously fights for her family, who puts their well-being first and protects them no matter what. Who trains up her children to be warriors for Christ. A strong woman who doesn’t fall to pieces when hardships comes upon her family. A wife whose husband trusts and respects and goes to for advice. That is a woman I will gladly aspire to become!

So, I challenge you, weary soul in charge of the daily ins and outs of your household, read Proverbs 31 in a different light. Look for the character of the godly woman it describes, and picture her going about the various tasks of the day with courage, bravery, and strength of mind. God knows full well that being a mother requires those traits just as much as a soldier!

Let’s be a wife of valor most importantly for our husbands. My husband needs a wife who he can trust won’t crumble when the going gets rough. A wife who can be counted on to share the burden of raising a family. A wife he can come home to with anticipation, knowing that she will be there with arms open wide to greet him, no matter how the day went.

The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.
Proverbs 31:11

Learning about the wife of valor will be an ongoing lesson for me, one that humbles and convicts, but one that I am so thankful the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to. May it be an eye-opener for you as well, friend!

Written by Strength & Song Admin, Natalya Brown.

Wives, Let’s Go Ahead and Submit

A Wife of Valor