Friday Magnify || Baby Steps

“Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together!”
Psalm 34:3

The Israelites are so relatable. Over and over, the Lord blesses them and does wonders for them and provides for them - and they celebrate and thank Him and then promptly forget. The days carry on and they get back to old bad habits and sins, and they lose track of how the Lord is Lord and cares for His people.

Back in April, Josh and I saw the Lord’s work in front of us as He brought Kash home to us and provided for all of our needs. We have seen His goodness over and over again. Yet I’ve had weeks of losing track, wallowing in how hard the challenges are and how there’s seemingly little progress made. I have to make a conscious effort to look back and reflect, to see that there has in fact been progress, and to thank God for His many blessings!

Four months ago, nobody in our house knew which end was up. Well, some days we did and many days we didn’t. There was a new kid who couldn’t talk and didn’t know how to help himself along and we didn’t know what to do with him. Could he put on his shoes? Nope. Could he walk up the stairs on his own? Nope. Could he play with anyone? Nope. Did he care? Nope.

Yesterday I watched as he looked my older boys in their eyes and laughed. I teared up as they took turns putting a Tupperware container on their heads and beating it like a drum. All of them. Kash. Playing. And happy about it!

The day before that I was overcome with gratitude in a hospital lab. The kids wiggled and tried to control their impulses to grab things and they did well, considering. The pleasant nurse worked hard to get a quick blood draw from Kash while another nurse and I held him with all our might, as he tried to turn himself sideways and slip out of my lap to the floor. Finally the bandage was applied and I braced myself to deal with his anger, which would inevitably turn toward me. Yet he crumpled, and turned into me so I could hold him close. No grabbing and pinching, no clenching his teeth so hard they’d break, no hatred in his eyes. He allowed me - wanted me - to comfort him. Words can’t describe how huge that was.

Later that day Levi found a bag of candy corn stashed in the basement, and we turned it into a fun reward. Levi and Caleb get a piece for each memory verse they can recite, or Psalm they can sing. Kash gets a piece for each sound he can imitate. He will now make a few sounds on demand, with good eye contact. If that’s what it takes to get him talking!

What great marks of progress! What a blessing it is to focus on them, rather than all the challenges and struggles. Lord, thank YOU!

Photo above of Kash, doing his daily morning chore: sorting silverware. Praise God!

Seven Years!

We finally got out on a date (thanks Mom!), and realized we don’t have many photos together - so we attempted selfies in the truck and this is the best we got. At least it’s documented; someday our kids will laugh!

Once there was a young girl in New Hampshire who wanted to get married and take in lots of children. She envisioned dirt roads and bugs and tile floors and ceiling fans. Walking to the market, visiting people along the way, attempting to teach the multitude of children addition and subtraction and how to read. She spent time in Belize and Mexico and looked eagerly for opportunities, yet the Lord kept her in the States. She wrote regularly to a friend, sharing things she’d learned and what she hoped for. Maybe someday her dreams would come true.

At the same time there was a young man working hard at a machine shop in Idaho, wondering where he’d meet a girl he could marry. His family was preparing to move to Brazil, and he decided to go with them and see if there were any orphanages in need of help. Plans changed, and they moved to Ecuador instead. He spent time learning the culture and getting to know people. But he had been writing regularly to a girl for years now, and it was becoming apparent that they should spend time in person.

The girl with big dreams and the man interested in pursuing her met for the first time in the Portland, Maine jetport, nervous and shaky and slightly shocked at the minimal height difference. They took each other’s hands and agreed to get to know each other better.

Less than a year later, in a beautiful barn with family and friends (and a chicken behind the pastor, because God is funny), they washed each other’s feet and vowed to serve each other for the rest of their lives. And off they went into the sunset.

That was about seven years ago, and we are still washing each other’s feet. Not literally, very often, but certainly figuratively. He sacrifices for me and I for him. Most of the time with good attitudes, and someday with chickens.

The Lord blessed us quickly with two wonderful boys, and a few months ago He brought a third little boy into our family via adoption. We have plenty of dirt and bugs and walking around barefoot as I had envisioned - but the landscape looks a bit different. Our little house is full of little people and I am attempting to teach them addition and subtraction and how to read (with success, thank the Lord!).

The days are busy and messy and oh-so-sanctifying. We get to the end of some days and conk out before we can debrief. There are many learning curves and things to juggle, many mistakes and times to ask forgiveness. There are meals around the table and dinner conversations we treasure. There are times of singing together and praying with each other and giving lots of hugs and kisses. We love our family.

Marriage has been an incredible gift to us. That God would see each of us, in different places, and bring us to spend our lives together - how amazing! I’m immensely grateful for Josh and all of our similarities and differences. God has taught us how to work well together, how to compliment and encourage each other. We have each other to lean on for every challenge, and we share the joys and sweet times. Has it been easy? Ha! Nope. But we thank God for the hard times, and for His Word - because with His Word as a guide, we have found that rough patches can turn quite a profit. Our marriage has been edified and strengthened greatly, and we are better people for it.

Here’s to seven years, Babe. You’re my favorite and I hope we have many, many more years together. I love you forever!

Bugs And Brains

"Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together."
Psalm 34:3

Have you ever stopped to think how much a child may be learning from a simple task or experience? I remember watching our first two boys as they explored the world around them, being so excited alongside them when something “clicked.” Watching the pieces come together as their brains developed was amazing. Most things came easily to them, and if there was a challenge they conquered it as quickly as they could (even if it took a little while, they were very determined!). Right on to the next thing; they still are always learning and absorbing more than I realize.

And now, we have a little boy who has not developed normally and whose brain doesn’t function like most other kids’ brains do. A few years of neglect, plus being sheltered from good things and exposed to bad things - makes for a very delayed, struggling, physically smaller brain.

It’s strange to me, to be pulling out baby board books and toys that a one-year-old would enjoy - for our almost-four-year-old. It’s not right that this little guy is struggling because of others’ poor decisions. But it is what it is, and God is redeeming the brokenness in his life. Praise Him for that!

As I watch our littlest boy interact with life around him, I’m amazed and a bit dumbfounded. Here he is, a big toddler, handling leaves like he’s never seen them. Splashing a puddle with jaw wide open while he watches how the water moves and jumps. Holding and immediately flinging playdough with disgust. Some learning is coming quickly to him, and some is not. It’s taken a couple months but he admires leaves and puddles and has decided playdough is fun. He will respond to his name; he will giggle and run to find me when he’s happy or sad or scared. He has crossed some mental bridges from the initial exposure to an object or concept, to understanding it and its movement/effects. He is learning.

Some days are painful to watch, or frustrating to manage. God has taught me much about patience as I’ve waited for shoes to be taken off or books to be returned to a shelf. Things that typically take a minute or two often take 10-20 minutes. But day by day, God is helping him understand life and be able to do tasks. His brain is growing, literally, and connections are being made.

I am especially struck by how much learning can happen from one single, small thing. All those days I spent years ago with our first two, with blocks on the floor and applesauce in a highchair; with a bin full of dry noodles and pompoms or a blanket in the yard and grass between everyone’s toes and bugs crawling up our arms… The days of watching birds and chipmunks, making muffins together, singing silly songs, pretending to be different animals… I had no idea just how productive and formative all those things were and are. Now I’m seeing those little things turn into catalysts for our boy to learn more. I’m seeing that slowly, deeply exploring God’s world and watching how He has made everything to work and function truly does set a good foundation for a child, in every way.

There is much more for me to learn as I walk through all the developmental stages again, in a not-so-neat order. I’ll have to learn more about trauma, brain chemistry, adoption, parenting, and many other things I’m not aware of yet. I’ve marveled this week at learning itself, and how capable of learning the human brain is. It can re-learn, overcome challenges, heal, grow, and thrive. God is our Maker and Sustainer! All glory to Him, for all learning and development at every stage!

We Adopted!

It had been a year since we’d signed on with our wonderful consultant, Dawn. Three years since we began pursuing adoption. We had seen children’s situations come through, and had presented our family profile to some. Some we never heard about again, others we were told were a no-go. We began to have hard conversations. Maybe we should pause? Stop altogether? We called Dawn and talked it through with her, deciding to make a last-ditch effort in the remaining two months of our contract. That was a Monday. We got an email that Tuesday evening, and saw it Wednesday afternoon.

Urgent situation: 3.5 year-old-boy, reportedly autistic, born drug-addicted with one kidney. Nonverbal, not potty trained. Staying in cradle care homes, needs permanent placement asap.

We read the email over a couple times and thought about it.

“We don’t really have enough info to be able to say yes,” Josh said.

“We don’t have enough info to be able to say no… Can I ask some questions?” I asked him.

He agreed to ask and get more information. It could be a situation way over our heads, or it could be doable.

The more we found out, the more our hearts broke for this little boy. He deserved a loving home. We shared his name and some of his story with our biological boys, and we asked God for wisdom. Our boys talked about the things they would share, and all that they would teach him and show him if he came to live with us.

“Does he have a mommy and a daddy?”

“He does, but they aren’t taking care of him.”

“Does anyone care about him? Where is he staying? What does he like to eat?”

We prayed and prayed and kept asking questions and obtaining information. God kept sorting out details before we knew they existed. We committed to pursue Kashton, and the rush began.

The house was quickly rearranged and cleaned, and the four of us packed up to drive to Florida. Two weeks after we had heard of his situation, we were down in his State to meet him.

Kash was staying with a third cradle care family (similar to foster care, but not State-run) when we arrived. They are a wonderful Cuban couple who only speak Spanish. We had a translator for the first meeting, and an app for the interactions that followed. Our limited Spanish vocabulary was put to the test! We learned all that we could about how Kash had been doing; his behaviors, sleep patterns, food and drink intake, progresses and regressions. Kash stayed isolated and refused to interact, but after some time Levi and Caleb got him giggling and playing on one of the beds. Kash’s caregiver began to cry, as she hadn’t seen him open up and interact that way with any other children.

The second day, we took him out with us to a local playground where he promptly took off running. His poor balance combined with a rough night of sleep the night before resulted in more of a free-fall than a run and he toppled over a few times before sitting to play with the grass. We played a bit, then fed everyone lunch and brought him back to the house for nap time.

The third day, we packed up our belongings from the friends’ house we’d been staying at, picked up Kash and arrived at our first Airbnb. We took placement of him the following day, and he has been with us ever since.

That was five weeks ago. And it turns out, this is in fact way over our heads – and because of Christ, it is doable.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”
James 1

We have clung to this chapter in Scripture. Never did we think adoption would be easy – yet, like all of life, it’s impossible to fully know the difficulties until they are experienced. Our faith has been put to the test, and we have questioned ourselves.

Why are we caring for this little boy? Because God asks us to care for the orphan, and He gently and firmly set Kash in our laps.

How will we meet Kash’s needs? “God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). Quite frankly, we can’t meet all of Kash’s needs. Not on our own. Only Christ can give us the strength physically, the wisdom to know what he needs and when, the right resources at the right time.

What about our bio kids and their needs? Do we not think the Lord sees them too? Of course He does; they are not forgotten. They have been on this journey with us from day one, and they know what Scripture says. They know God asks us to care for others, and they have jumped at the opportunity. Their world has expanded dramatically as they’ve experienced another State and culture (Florida and New England are not the same, y’all), and as they’ve spent time with a child who does not talk or think like they do. They are learning more to take all of their needs to the Lord, and it is a beautiful thing. They have accepted Kash and chosen to serve him. Josh and I are so proud of them.

What a crash-course for maturity this has been. The first two weeks we were home, I was sure this boy would break us. But Josh pulled out James 1 and we read it over and over and over. God has proven Himself trustworthy and sufficient for each of our trials.

“Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.”
Ecclesiastes 7:8

This verse is forever in the front of my mind. When we first got Kash, he would not look at us. He would rarely lift his head. His mouth made one sound, a low “ooooh” that would come out as he flapped his hands over a book. He snatched books and toys and held them tight if I tried to move them aside. His steps stuttered and his feet dragged and he wobbled as if constantly drunk. He struggled to climb a playground structure. He only drank strawberry milk and did not feed himself. He would shake and become fearful at bedtime. He would wake in the night screaming, crying, thrashing – inconsolable, for hours on end.

The first night we had him, I placed his hand on his spoon and showed him how to bring food to his mouth. He was thrilled. From that point on, he has been determined to eat his food by himself. Fast-forward to now, just over a month later, and he will look us in the eyes. He has added “mah” and “may” and “bah” and “yah” to his vocabulary, and you better believe we rejoice with each sound! He trusts that if I move a book or toy, he will come back to it and therefore doesn’t hold on tightly. He walks a little straighter, his head stays up longer, his feet don’t shuffle quite as badly. He can climb up and down stairs with minimal help. He drinks water-diluted juice all day and his beloved plain milk at bedtime. Bedtime is no longer a scary ordeal, and his bad nights don’t last quite as long.

A week ago I brought him to the bathroom to change his diaper and figured I’d set him on the potty to get him used to it. Potty training was something I planned to do months later; there are other, higher priorities. But he sat there and peed, like he’d been waiting his whole life to use a toilet. I jumped for joy, he smiled real big. We still have to work on communication so he can tell us he needs to go potty, but for now we make frequent trips to the bathroom and he is happy to have more dry diapers.

With God’s help, he will continue to make progress. God has seen fit to show us which needs to address first, how to adjust diet to help him function better, how to keep our family routine and assimilate Kash into our family life. God is showing me how “the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit” – many times I would much rather hold onto my comforts and plans, yet He asks me to be patient and equips me to do so. This is an intense learning process for all of us, but we trust that the end will be better than the beginning!

We had asked the Lord to send us children, and specifically the children who were hard to place. We sought out private adoption as other avenues had failed – and we waited for the unlikely chance that there would be a child older than a newborn. He surprised us, in His timing, and provided the means to go get Kashton. He has cared for each of us. He saw that our finances were taken care of, even last-minute. He worked out an appointment to get our van serviced right before we headed down, and nudged friends to send clothes and gifts for each boy so they’d be ready upon our arrival back home. He located us close to Dawn during our first week in Florida, and she graciously opened her home to us and reassured me when I was scared and in tears. He worked out our rental stays, as we had to wait day-to-day for clearance to leave the State. The final rental especially was a gift – the exact dates we needed were the only available dates, and we received a discount since it was very last-minute. It was on a farm in horse country, and we had freedom to walk around and pet the animals. How sweet it was to have that time together, and to have things to do just outside our door. God has taken good care of us.

Praise the Lord with us, for His goodness and His perfect timing! And join us in welcoming Kash to our family. Finalization will happen months from now, but he is finally home for good. Thank God!

“So we, Your people and the sheep of Your pasture, will give You thanks forever; we will show forth Your praise to all generations.”
Psalm 79:13