When Our Hearts Need Someone to Count On

I am nine, sitting cross-legged on an elementary-school gym floor that smells vaguely like rubber soles and ketchup. My friends and I are lined up in a row waiting to go to recess or art class or the library. We’re likely wearing scrunchies in our side ponytails and neon shorts; children of the eighties. The girls nearest me lean in, grinning, and say, “We want to tell you something. We’re best friends.” I look back and forth between the two of them, confused, because just yesterday the one with the strawberry hair told me that I would always be her best friend.

I ride my bike home alone that day, forlorn, and sit at the kitchen table with a cookie in my hand and my mama across from me.These things happen, she explains gently. I nod, feeling very grown-up and wise, even in my disappointment. I will think of this again when my crush flirts with me one day and holds the hand of a long-legged athlete the next. I will feel it when the conversation with the editor at the conference seems to go so well and then the rejection letter comes in the mail. I will revisit it when the whirling crowd online is landing on my site today and taking off to another one the next like a flock of spring sparrows.

It is the nature of humans to be fickle. We put rings on each other’s fingers and then signatures on divorce papers. We are employee of the month and then find ourselves on the lay-off list. We are dear friends and then time and space and life make us drift until we’re looking back at old photos and thinking, I haven’t seen her in a while. Yet we keep searching, hoping, longing for that person who will stay. The constant who will never go away.

In these moments, it comforts me to know “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Heb. 13:8). He isn’t going to pick someone else on the playground. He isn’t going to bring us roses and then forget to call the next day. He won’t recruit us for the pet project and then neglect to invite us to the celebration party. He won’t use us up and throw us out, pull us close and then push us away, whisper in our ear and then lose our phone number. Because His love for us isn’t based on our charm; it’s rooted in His character. It doesn’t come from His emotions but instead from an eternal commitment. It isn’t dependent on what we do for Him, but what He’s already done for us.

It gets even better: Jesus also tells us,“I am making everything new!” (Rev. 21:5). Who He is doesn’t change, yet He moves and pursues in endlessly creative ways. It’s what our hearts long for, what we’re really looking for when we exchange the friendship bracelets or say the vows or sit down at the desk in a new office for the first time. We want to know we can trust, completely, the one with whom we have aligned ourselves. And yet we also want to know that doing so will lead to life and growth and adventure. We want stability and excitement, consistency and change, familiarity and novelty.

When we try to demand all of this from a human being, we always end up disappointed. But the answer isn’t to shut down our hearts, to tell ourselves we’re being unrealistic or irrational. Instead, it’s to take those desires to the One who put them there in the first place, the only One who can truly fulfill them. Jesus “is the same yesterday, today and forever” (Heb. 13:8) yet He also says.“I am making everything new!” (Rev. 21:5). Both are what we need. Both are eternally true.

XOXO
Holley Gerth

Originally written and published by Holley Gerth. Used with permission.

How to Create a Family Mission Statement

Are you are wanting to become more intentional with your family, but you’re not sure what that looks like? Start by creating a family mission statement.

A mission statement may seem too corporate for you, but hear me out. It will really get your whole family on the same page. The family mission statement gives you a chance to prioritize what your family is all about.

Companies, clubs, businesses and pretty much every organization has a set of core values that they refer to when they need redirection. Shouldn’t we decide what our families core values are so we can refer back to them? As parents, we are the CEO’s of our homes.

I want my kids to know and understand what our family stands for. The family mission statement becomes your families identity; their DNA.

So how do you create your own family mission statement?

How to Create a Family Mission Statement:

ONE

List Core Values

Create your family’s core values with your spouse, and if your kids are older, have them contribute too. You could make this a family meeting. This list should not be created by just one person in the family. Collaboration is key. Here are some examples of values you could use: generous, caring, loving, etc.

In my family, my husband and prayed and brainstormed what we wanted our family to look like (our kids are too young to contribute to the conversation). We started by writing Riches are… and then jotted down our values. We wanted a list that was short and easy to remember.

Spending this time with my spouse really connected us and helped us be on the same page with our parenting. If your spouse isn’t on board, you can make this less formal by asking what they want your kids to be like when they are older.

TWO

Rank the Values

Now that you have a good list of family values, decide which values are most important to your family. You can number or star them or whatever method you would like. We tried limiting our core values so it would be easier to remember and less overwhelming. Try to limit your list to ten or less. Talk with your spouse about this and your kids (if they are old enough).

When deciding what to cut and keep, consider what your kids need to work on. If one of your kids are struggling with lying, add in honesty or truthful. That way when your child lies, you can say _(your last name)_ are honest. You can then use the mission statement to reinforce the good qualities you want your kids to possess. You can always adapt your mission statement later on, so don’t let that deter you from writing your mission statement.

THREE

Put the Mission Statement Together

You are at the point of writing your mission statement. Try to get to the point, and not be too wordy. Make the mission statement work for you. The easiest way to start is by writing your last name are… and list your values in whatever order you want. You can write your mission statement by putting the most important values first. Be creative here and make your mission statement fit your family’s personality.

FOUR

Display your Mission Statement

A family mission statement doesn’t do much good if it is written and left in a notebook. This is the most important step! Don’t skip it! Make your family mission statement really impactful, by displaying it in your home.

We typed our mission statement up, printed it numerous times, and framed it. I bought small black frames from the dollar store to display it. Our framed mission statement is throughout our house. We have our family mission statement on display in our hallway, kitchen, kid’s bathroom, and dining room.

If you are needing some ideas on ways to display your family mission statement, here are a few…

• paint it on a canvas or wood board

• use a program like Illustrator or PhotoShop to customize your own

• type it out on a Word or Pages Doc and print off

• use colored paper/ink

• make it your phone’s background

• make it your computer’s background

The more we see our family mission statement, the greater the impact it will have. What our families stand for is so important. Go create your families mission statement. We are in this together. Let’s be intentional in raising our children - the future generation.

Originally written by Amberlee Rich. Used with permission.

The Bravest Woman I Know: A Tribute to my Mom

When I was fourteen I watched my mother do the bravest thing I’ve ever seen a woman do: She shut the door on domestic violence and became a homeless, single mother of seven children (ages fifteen to one). She chose freedom over familiarity and healing over false hope. She has never looked back.

It was a journey that started in the middle of the night when she got me out of bed and told me to quickly wake and dress my younger siblings because dad would be home soon. It was a journey that started with flight, that led to house after house. We got used to living out of bug-out bags and, due to an unfair eviction notice, we had to say goodbye to our childhood home. For the past eight years, my mom has been on a path of heartache, healing, and hope as she has daily been broken against the rocks of unjust circumstances and an overwhelming burden of motherhood.

“Single mother?!” You say. “Of seven?”
“I know I never could do it.”

Quite frankly, I think my mom would have said the same thing nine years ago. How could she, a homeschool mom with no income, ever strike out on her own? Where would we live? What would we eat?

She was trapped.

But here’s the thing about feisty women filled with faith and a protective love for their children—you can’t hold them down.

I have never seen anyone walk in faith, prostrated in prayer, the way my mom did when she left my dad; when she asked God if she should put us in school and get a job, He told her to finish what she had been called to (homeschooling all of us) and trust in Him to provide.

I’ll never forget, December 2, 2010, we moved into our new house. Water damage had caused the ceiling to collapse in what would become our schoolroom. It didn’t have any heat. We hung up thick blankets to block off the rooms that were too cold to live in. We ran space heaters in the kitchen and wore lots of layers to bed. We scrubbed the weird, caked dirt out of the cabinets and laid down shelf paper. We scoured every inch of the house and began tackling our mountain of boxes to unpack as we found our new normal.

It’s hard to describe the chronic danger we felt before we left: It was a constant pit in our stomachs and an ache behind our eyes that had been there our whole lives. But suddenly, in our own little grubby house of dreams, it was gone. There was no more, “Dad’s drunk, lay low.” No more hiding. No more running. No more fear. But without the weight of fear holding us together, we were finally free to fall apart.

And we did.

My older sister’s body shut down and she became chronically ill from the years of internalized stress and the unrealistic burdens she had been bearing on her small shoulders. I unraveled mentally. The younger kids started lashing out because they didn’t know how to express their feelings of upheaval. It was chaos.

My mom, still single, still without a job, still learning how to take on the mantle of two parents instead of just one, was left to pick up the pieces of the aftermath.

And she did.

We did lots of reading aloud around the fireplace and we started doing extracurriculars. We joined a church. We slowly knit ourselves deeply into a community as my mom worked double-time to help us find healing. She had grace for our grades when school was the last thing we could manage emotionally or physically. I had to do summer school for all of high school and redo material until I mastered it (I took algebra I three times before I could pass it with an A), but I graduated on time and in good standing, despite missing the 9th grade.  Above all, my mom always instilled us a passionate love for God and a love for learning, knowing that the rest would fall into place.

Last year my older sister graduated as senior of the year with a 4.0 from nursing school. This year I graduate with a B.A. in history as outstanding senior with a full ride to grad school in the fall. My younger brother is excelling as a college freshman, and my siblings still at home are thriving.

In the end, our story is one of triumph and my siblings and I can shoot for the stars because our mother broke herself down to build a foundation for us to stand on.

Most people are lucky if they get to meet their heroes at some point in their life, but I’m lucky enough to get to call mine “Mom.”

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom

Originally written for Mothering Beyond Expectations by Sierra Patterson. Used with permission.

Mom Anger + 3 Ways to Surrender

If you’re a woman then you’re a human and you’re going to make mistakes. Your kids and your husband will frustrate you to the moon and back and you’re going to get angry, cranky and irritated sometimes, it goes with the territory. We live in a fallen world with fallen natures and it takes everything in us to submit to the God who can conquer the sin reigning deep within.

I struggle with anger. Mostly because I have a way in my head I think everything should be. When it doesn’t look the way I want it to, I snap.

I answer harshly.

I get impatient.

I want to control my life and I want it to be a certain way–my way–which is rarely the way.

I’m selfish and I think I have rights but if we are truly following Christ, we give up our rights. We tell the Lord with all sincerity, “I surrender all” until we don’t and the ugly rears it’s head. I’m slowly learning how to truly surrender–my ways, my wants, my worship, my time, my fuse, my control, my everything–to the one who alone can change me from the inside out.

We can stress over our kids being kids, silly and sometimes highly annoying and disobedient and (especially if you have boys) way too loud! Or, we can thank God He gave us the great honor of raising our children, building them into the men and women of God He’s calling them to be.

Moms are builders. It takes time to build a life, years my friend. We do the same endless tasks over and over, teach the same lessons, correct the same behavior, pray the same prayers. And we see those tiny increments of hours and days turn into months and years, because it takes a long time to build children into the men and women of God He’s called them to be, the next generation who will change the world. The ones who will be willing to extend His hands and His feet to the lost, the desperate, the depressed, the weary, the wanderers, no matter where He leads them.

I learned three important strategies that helped to change how I viewed my role as a mother when I was in the thick of it. I believe they’ll help you too:

Pray whenever you can. In the carpool line, making lunches in the morning, folding endless loads of laundry, whenever. You don’t have to rise at dawn and have the perfect atmosphere, beautiful music and a lit candle to worship God. He knows. Do it whenever you can but do it…because wherever you do it, He’s there.

Cultivate a heart of thankfulness. When you really begin to thank Him for the lives He’s entrusted to you, you’ll view them differently. It’s a long process this parenting thing. But just like a building grows one brick and one story at a time, raising a child is one day, one month, one year at a time. It’s the day-in, day-out drudgery that can get to you if you let it. No one promises fame and fortune for being a mom. We do what we do in obscurity and hope eventually it will pay off. And if Love is leading you, it will. You’ll see destiny come forth and the children you raise will change the world.

Ask for forgiveness when you snap in anger. Kids deserve respect too and when we humble ourselves, repent and ask them to forgive us it models Godly behavior. Sin is sin, no matter how old you are.

The way you love is the way you’ll live. If you really do love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul and strength then His love will flow out of you naturally. Not perfectly mama, but naturally.

Because guess what–you’ll never be perfect and, neither will I!

Written for Strength & Song by Kate Battistelli.

Kate is the author of Growing Great Kids -Partner with God to Cultivate His Purpose in Your Child’s Life, published by Charisma House. Her newest book, The God Dare, published by Barbour Books, will release in 2019. She’s mom to GRAMMY award-winning artist Francesca Battistelli and Mimi to her 4 children. She’s been married to her best friend Mike for 35 years and lives just outside of Nashville. Kate loves to cook and blogs about food and faith at www.KateBattistelli.com. You can follow her on Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook.