Mom Anger + 3 Ways to Surrender

If you’re a woman then you’re a human and you’re going to make mistakes. Your kids and your husband will frustrate you to the moon and back and you’re going to get angry, cranky and irritated sometimes, it goes with the territory. We live in a fallen world with fallen natures and it takes everything in us to submit to the God who can conquer the sin reigning deep within.

I struggle with anger. Mostly because I have a way in my head I think everything should be. When it doesn’t look the way I want it to, I snap.

I answer harshly.

I get impatient.

I want to control my life and I want it to be a certain way–my way–which is rarely the way.

I’m selfish and I think I have rights but if we are truly following Christ, we give up our rights. We tell the Lord with all sincerity, “I surrender all” until we don’t and the ugly rears it’s head. I’m slowly learning how to truly surrender–my ways, my wants, my worship, my time, my fuse, my control, my everything–to the one who alone can change me from the inside out.

We can stress over our kids being kids, silly and sometimes highly annoying and disobedient and (especially if you have boys) way too loud! Or, we can thank God He gave us the great honor of raising our children, building them into the men and women of God He’s calling them to be.

Moms are builders. It takes time to build a life, years my friend. We do the same endless tasks over and over, teach the same lessons, correct the same behavior, pray the same prayers. And we see those tiny increments of hours and days turn into months and years, because it takes a long time to build children into the men and women of God He’s called them to be, the next generation who will change the world. The ones who will be willing to extend His hands and His feet to the lost, the desperate, the depressed, the weary, the wanderers, no matter where He leads them.

I learned three important strategies that helped to change how I viewed my role as a mother when I was in the thick of it. I believe they’ll help you too:

Pray whenever you can. In the carpool line, making lunches in the morning, folding endless loads of laundry, whenever. You don’t have to rise at dawn and have the perfect atmosphere, beautiful music and a lit candle to worship God. He knows. Do it whenever you can but do it…because wherever you do it, He’s there.

Cultivate a heart of thankfulness. When you really begin to thank Him for the lives He’s entrusted to you, you’ll view them differently. It’s a long process this parenting thing. But just like a building grows one brick and one story at a time, raising a child is one day, one month, one year at a time. It’s the day-in, day-out drudgery that can get to you if you let it. No one promises fame and fortune for being a mom. We do what we do in obscurity and hope eventually it will pay off. And if Love is leading you, it will. You’ll see destiny come forth and the children you raise will change the world.

Ask for forgiveness when you snap in anger. Kids deserve respect too and when we humble ourselves, repent and ask them to forgive us it models Godly behavior. Sin is sin, no matter how old you are.

The way you love is the way you’ll live. If you really do love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul and strength then His love will flow out of you naturally. Not perfectly mama, but naturally.

Because guess what–you’ll never be perfect and, neither will I!

Written for Strength & Song by Kate Battistelli.

Kate is the author of Growing Great Kids -Partner with God to Cultivate His Purpose in Your Child’s Life, published by Charisma House. Her newest book, The God Dare, published by Barbour Books, will release in 2019. She’s mom to GRAMMY award-winning artist Francesca Battistelli and Mimi to her 4 children. She’s been married to her best friend Mike for 35 years and lives just outside of Nashville. Kate loves to cook and blogs about food and faith at www.KateBattistelli.com. You can follow her on Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook.

When God Doesn't Open a Door

My church has been in a study on the book of Esther. Many truths have stood out to me, but one particular bend in Chapter 5 challenged me in a way that I couldn’t have expected. A little background on how I often decide where God is leading me: When stepping out in faith, or even beginning something new, I’m the person who’s looking for the open door. I want the specific answer to prayer, the “thus sayeth the Lord” moment, the talking donkey. It’s not so much that I’m unwilling to step out in faith; it’s simply that I want to know my step of faith is grounded in the Lord’s direction. The “open door” tends to be one of the things I look for. But is that always the right criteria?

When Queen Esther’s cousin and adopted father, Mordecai, informed her of a plot to kill all the Jews in the provinces of Persia, she felt overwhelmed with fear (Esther 4:4). Mordecai implored her to approach the king on behalf of her people, to save the Jews from annihilation. Esther explained to Mordecai that she could only approach the king if he summoned her. Approaching the king without having first been summoned, even as the queen, was grounds for the death penalty. If the king happened to extend grace, he would do so by extending his golden scepter, but Esther wouldn’t know this until after she’d put her life on the line.

Is a closed door really a closed door?

Putting my life on the line is precisely what I would consider a closed door. But Mordecai responded, “Who knows, perhaps you have come to your royal position for such a time as this.” (Esther 4:14.) Now see, this is another problem for me. When stepping out in faith, I’m typically looking for something a little more rock solid than who knows? Furthermore, Esther responded to Mordecai’s plea by saying that she would approach the king and “If I perish, I perish.” Statements like who knows and if I perish, I perish don’t exactly have a ring of guarantee to them. But Esther and Mordecai’s faith wasn’t grounded in the open door scenario. Something else was present.

Esther and Mordecai agreed to fast and pray for three days (prayer is not actually mentioned but implied) with their Jewish communities before she approached the king. We don’t have the specifics of what they prayed for, but don’t we know that one of them was, “Lord, prompt the king to summon Esther! Lord, it’s been over 30 days since she’s been summoned. Move on his heart to call her to his throne so her life won’t be at risk!” Could Esther herself have prayed something like, “Lord, if the king summons me, then I’ll know for sure it’s an open door and I’ll ask the king to spare the Jews!”?

We don’t know for sure, but I have to believe those three days included many prayers for the king to summon Esther. For God to open a door.

When do you knock on a closed door?

But on the third day, there was only silence. No summons. No invitation. No open door.

And what did Esther do? She got dressed. She did that mundane thing we all have to do. Put our clothes on for the day. Then she stood in the courtyard of the king’s palace and faced both her greatest fears and greatest hope. The king extended his golden scepter toward her. She had found favor in his eyes. She would not perish in that moment.

God had opened a door but not before Esther went knocking on it.

When we knock and God opens

As I pondered Esther and Mordecai’s truly remarkable faith I had to ask myself, what was it based on? It certainly wasn’t based on God opening a miraculous door ahead of time safe within the reaches of their comfort zone. It wasn’t even based on a supernatural dream, a prophetic word, or an angel whose first words are typically “do not fear” after they’ve scared everyone to death—this would have been solid Old Testament fare to go on. But Esther didn’t have to wait for an open door or a specific word because she already knew God’s revealed will.

God had already revealed Himself as the personal God of the Jews, their Deliverer, Redeemer, and Rock. Esther knew God’s heart for His people. He’d been revealing it since Abraham. True, Esther didn’t have a guarantee on her life or how exactly this would play out, but she could step out on some pretty incredible history of God acting on behalf of His people. The combination of His unmatched strength and the Jews’ chosen-ness wasn’t a specific guarantee for her personal preferences but it was a solid rock to step out on. Simply put, Esther didn’t have to wait for an open door because God had already revealed His will.

I couldn’t help but ask myself, how much more do we as New Testament believers know the revealed will of God through Jesus? He’s told us through His Word what He cares about: The poor, the lost, the sick, the down-and-outers, the up-and-outers, those on the fringes of society. He cares about people! He cares about His Gospel being proclaimed. He cares about the rule of His Kingdom coming on earth. He cares about our relationships, our love for one another, His church—oh, He cares about His church of which He is the Head. He cares about the friends and families He blesses us with and entrusts to us.

Not only has Jesus revealed the things He cares about, but He’s also told us what to do: Share the good news of the Gospel; make disciples; lay our lives down for one another; store up treasure in heaven and don’t live for the temporal; overflow with joy in Him; pray without ceasing; be generous; love each other with the love of Christ; open our homes to those who need a place to stay; be hospitable; forgive one another; serve one another; be filled with the Holy Spirit; go and tell all about Him…

And sometimes, even knowing all of this, I wait and wait and wait to step out because I’m waiting for Him to open a door. And I wonder if all that is really a super spiritual sounding EXCUSE, in Jesus’ Name. Certainly I believe in God opening doors—we see that exact phrase used in the New Testament. But what Esther taught me is that too often we use this concept as the necessary pre-cursor to doing anything at all, rather than being obedient to what God already told us to do.

I believe that God still specifically directs our steps, I believe He still acts supernaturally, I believe He still calls certain people for certain things, I believe that He still flings doors wide open. I also believe the author of Hebrews’ words that in the former days God spoke at different times and in different ways, but today He has spoken through His Son, Jesus. And if we know who Jesus is, what He cares about, and what He’s told us to do, well then, that is the open door. More specifically—and He said it Himself—He is the door. (John 10:9.)

What has He asked you to do through the revealed will of His word? What are you waiting for? Maybe the door is already open and God is waiting for us to put our clothes on, stand to face the task ahead, and turn the knob.

Originally written & shared by Kelly Minter. Used with permission.

Parenting With No Guilt-Strings Attached

We know that Christian parents must raise their children in a gospel centered way. And we also know that any gospel-center thing must carry the gospel message within and that is this:  We are sinful by nature and need to repent and believe in Christ the Savior. Only Jesus can break the bondage of sin and deliver us from its curse so that we may have abundant life.

But when it comes to raising our children in a gospel-centered way the temptation parents will many times face is do it with guilt-strings attached.

Let me explain. We do want to proclaim the gospel to our children, we want them to know what sin is, why repentance is important and what forgiveness looks like. But the temptation that many Christian parents face -especially when they want to see quick results- is to parent installing guilt in their children.

“If you really love Jesus, you would have not been disrespectful to your dad.”

“If you really, really, repented from that lie yesterday, you would not have lied to me again.”

“If when you said, “forgive me, mom” you really meant it, you would not have disobeyed me again.”

Sin is brought up in each of the examples above, yes, but the cure given will prove to be poisonous.

Many times I am surprised at how much Christian parents are afraid of God’s Grace. We are afraid that our children could abuse it (as if that was even possible!), so we try to build dams to “protect” our children from tasting it. What if they taste God’s amazing grace and then underestimate sin? What if they taste true forgiveness…maybe they will not see their future sins as grievous anymore? What if our home tastes likes grace… maybe they will not taste the horrors of sin anymore?

What is happening here? The truth is that when we act like this we act in unbelief.  We do not believe that when read the Word of God to our children, that when we speak about it as we go on our daily lives, the Holy Spirit can convict them of their own sin. In our unbelief we try to help God by bringing up the sins of our children over and over again -so that they will “have the opportunity” to search themselves to see if there has been true repentance. When we do this we imitate the Devil in what the does best, and so we become the accusers of our own children from the rising of the sun to the end of the day.

Our accusations become the seed, the soil, and the water that bring forth the rotten fruit of insecurity in our children. How will our children grow to be assured of the Father’s love and forgiveness if we are the ones who are always doubting their motives, their tears, their repentance, their words? How will our children taste the assurance of God’s forgiveness if we always tell them that “maybe their repentance was not from their heart”? How will they drink from God’s fountain of grace if we keep them away from it -fearing that they will not see their sin if they come?

May God help us to bring with much joy and much confidence our children to Christ! That we will be instruments in His hand to assure them of the Father’s love! That when we teach them to pray the Lord’s Prayer, they will never doubt that their Father in Heaven hears them when they cry out to Him! God forbid that we, their own parents, become a stumbling block to them!

But you might rightly ask, but what do we do then when our children keep sinning? What we should do is exactly what the Father has taught us to do: We repent, we believe, and from the fullness of Jesus we drink grace upon grace. We need to open the Scriptures before our children and show them what the Word says about that particular sin they are struggling with, and we tell them that in Christ there is always (always!) forgiveness for those who repent and believe. And then we assure them, from the same Holy Scriptures, of the Father’s love.

And lastly we do something that we almost always forget to do: we equip our children with the Word of God to help them fight sin in their lives. We teach them how Jesus’ way is more precious and joyful and satisfying than any sin. Because like us, they will continue to battle, and like us, they need all the counsel of God to fight and win.

Many parents are prone to point their children’s sins to them -every day and on their face, literally pointing a finger to them, to “remind” them of their shortcomings, to “encourage” them to repent quickly, and then they leave them in tears, but disarmed to fight, to win, to be assured of God’s love for them.

We must stop parenting our children with guilt-strings attached and start parenting them with grace-strings attached. How we need to teach our children the promises that we have in Christ to overcome sin. We must teach them, with our Bibles open, what are the weapons God has given us to battle our flesh, the world, and the Devil. How much our children need to hear of the power of the Word, the power of a prayer life, and the blessedness of the means of grace! How we must teach them to take the sword, which is the Word, and fight to win instead of always sending them to their rooms to do a morbid introspection of their hearts. And, oh, how much, like Paul, we need to pray with them and for them until Christ is formed in them!

Friends, unless we bring our children to Christ so that He can touch them with His grace, unless they see how precious all of Christ is to us, they will not want to come and taste and see the goodness of the Lord. Unless we stop being afraid of giving them grace in the same measure that we have received it, our generations will keep swimming in lukewarm water, never assured of the Father’s love for them.

May our children hear us say with much assurance and joy when they ask for forgiveness, “I too received mercy when I acted in my unbelief. And just like the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Jesus Christ, it now flows for you. Look not to your own heart, my child, but look up to Jesus! He is the author and perfecter of our faith. Come, come with me, let us run and bathe in the ocean of God’s amazing grace!”

Under His sun and by His grace,

Becky

Originally written & shared by Becky Pliego. Used with permission.

Being a Pregnant Housewife

I was raised by one of those superhero moms. You know the type—the ones who had the clothing you went to school in washed the next day, always had supper ready on time, arrived early to both drop you off and pick you up, made the beds each day without a single wrinkle, and packed the perfectly balanced lunchbox. I am very grateful for the example my mother set for me as both a working woman and a diligent housewife.

When I got married and we decided I would be a stay-at-home housewife, I set the same standards for my household that my mother had in ours. I mean, why couldn’t I have the same perfect household as her if I don’t have children yet and I’m not working? Tidiness and organization almost seemed to come naturally to me.

About a year and a half into our marriage, my husband and I began a new chapter in our lives with our first pregnancy. Before I became pregnant, I already made a commitment to myself and my husband that I would not let my housework fall apart simply because we had children. I was going to keep my same high standards—no matter what.

A few weeks into pregnancy, morning sickness and nausea overcame me. At first, I could push through, but within a week I found myself curled up on the couch for hours. Sickness seemed to never end, but the few times I would feel relief, my body would give way to sleep. I gave up working out, cancelled babysitting jobs, and watched laundry pile up. Most days I would pull myself from the couch cushions before supper to attempt meal prep, but some days I gave up after gagging over the smells of the kitchen. I tried to keep the living room curtains closed because the sunlight revealed a layer of wood chips, dog hair, and dust covering our floors.

One afternoon, after a three hour nap, I woke up not rested but ashamed. I hated seeing how pregnancy had debunked all my routines and tattered my tidiness. Though my husband never seemed bothered, I cried and apologized daily for the messy floors and my excess sleep. I knew I needed rest, but the amount I was getting overwhelmed me. I wanted to force myself into my old routines, but my body wouldn’t allow it. My husband would try to pick up the slack, but that only made me more sad and frustrated.  

Tired and exhausted momma, can you relate to what I experienced? First time pregnant wife, do you know the struggle of perfectionism and tiredness? It doesn’t need to stay this way. I want to offer you true change and hope from the Bible that I had to work through in those early months of pregnancy as a housewife.

Starting with the Heart—Putting Off Self-Sufficiency

The only way to bring about true change is to start with your heart. Your heart is where everything comes from—thoughts, emotions, fears, and joys, which all lead to our outward actions. There’s no point modifying our behavior if our hearts are still filled with sin; otherwise, our hearts will simply continue to produce the same bad fruit elsewhere in our lives. So let’s start with the heart of the issue.

In my shame of the chores not getting done, I was unwilling to admit or accept my need for help. I didn’t want others to come alongside and help me, and I didn’t want to take any advice from others. This attitude came from my heart desire to be self-sufficient. I wanted to have the ability to do everything myself, without ever admitting defeat or lack of ability. I wanted to be perfect in my housework and duties without the help of others. I wanted to be self-sufficient.

This isn’t a foreign concept. Read the creation story in Genesis, and the account of the first sin. Why did Eve listen to the serpent and take the bite of the fruit she knew was forbidden? What made the snake’s argument so appealing to her? “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Genesis 3:4b-5 ESV, emphasis mine).

Eve recognized that the fruit could make her like God. She wanted to be like God, so she took of the fruit and ate it. I committed a similar sin when I desired to be self-sufficient—I wanted to be like God, without need and completely independent. In my pride, I wanted to be like God, and I thought that I could push through my weakness and in this way be like him.

But we were not created to be self-sufficient. We were created to bring glory to God (Isaiah 43:7), but by refusing to admit our need we do not bring him that glory. Instead, we are trying to bring glory to ourselves. Look at me! Look at what I can do all by myself with no one’s help! Look how sufficient I am all on my own! We want others to praise us for how strong and able we are.

That doesn’t happen when we admit our weakness. When we recognize our inability and admit we cannot do it on our own, and instead accept the help we need from God, he is glorified. Consider Paul:

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 ESV

Friend, it’s time we set aside our desire to be self-sufficient and became content with our weaknesses. Stop striving for the impossible goal of self-sufficiency and trust in the One who is. Learn how to bring glory to God in your weakness.

In the context of pregnancy, instead of hating what it is doing to your body, praise God for the amazing work he is doing! He is knitting a child in your womb. Instead of complaining, bring glory to God in this weakness where his strength is brilliantly shining through.

Outward Change—Adjusting Habits and Expectations

Now that our hearts are adjusted, we can adjust our outward response. I had to learn not only to accept help from my husband and others, but also change my routine so that it could fit with my new limitations. For each person, this will probably look a little different. But below I’ll share a few of the changes I had to make in my lifestyle:

• Changing my workout from 60 minutes to 30 minutes, and lowering the intensity

• Sleeping in until 7:30 a.m. rather than 5:30 a.m.

• Getting to bed earlier

• Snacking throughout the day to help with morning sickness

• Changing some of my babysitting commitments

• Taking a break from writing as often

• Doing one load of laundry a day, or every other day (instead of two each day)

• Finding new meals that were appetizing, robust, healthy, and yet simple

• Scheduling a nap in the afternoon

• Cleaning one room a day rather than every room each day

• Asking my husband for help on especially difficult days

• Giving myself grace when the to-do list didn’t get finished

Making these simple changes helped me get back on track for keeping our house clean, staying up-to-date on laundry, and getting meals ready. There were still some days when all the tasks weren’t finished or finished perfectly, but on those days I asked for help from those around me.

If you are feeling discouraged about being a pregnant housewife, go to God in prayer and ask for strength and wisdom. Find friends and family that can help you with the day-to-day tasks, and who can also help you figure out a better schedule. You don’t need to let everything fall apart, but you also don’t need to keep your house in perfect order. There is a “happy medium” we can find when we let go of our desire to be self-sufficient and seek to bring God glory rather than ourselves.

Written by Lara d’Entremont. Used with permission.