Preferring Infertility: How We Worship the Queen of Heaven

If you have more than two children, likely someone has asked you one of the more embarrassing and awkward questions: “Don’t you know what causes those?”

At times I’ve wanted to answer, “No. Would you be willing to explain it to me?” But the truth is, as a mother of five living children and one that died in my womb, I do know what causes those little humans to exist. Just like I know what caused the person who asks such a question to exist. God does.

Often it isn’t the children themselves that bother onlookers, but the impracticality of having so many that gets under their skin. They want to know if the kids share rooms, what the grocery bill is like, how we plan to manage college, and most importantly, why we would subject ourselves to so much work.

Queen of Heaven

The people of Judah were just as practical and pragmatic concerning children as people of today, but in an opposite, though just as idolatrous, way. The book of Jeremiah has some terrifying words for them. Jeremiah, God’s chosen prophet, warns them over and over of their evil ways, but they are undisturbed. They defy his warnings,

“As for the word that you have spoken to us in the name of the Lord, we will not listen to you. But we will do everything that we have vowed, make offerings to the queen of heaven and pour out drink offerings to her, as we did, both we and our fathers, our kings and our officials, in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem. For then we had plenty of food, and prospered, and saw no disaster.” (Jeremiah 44:16–17)

The queen of heaven — that nonexistent goddess of fertility and love on whom God’s people had set their hearts — was requiring offerings. What did she desire aside from their complete devotion? Drink offerings and fancy cakes with her face on them. The Lord called such idolatry and sacrifices an abomination (Jeremiah 44:4).

Elective Infertility

“What must God think of a society that has made child sacrifice normal for the sake of elective infertility?”

Picturing the women of Judah foolishly and sinfully baking cakes for their female fertility idol (Jeremiah 44:19) ought to stir our hearts and have us wondering where the finger should be pointed. If sacrifices of drinks and cakes to a false goddess of fertility kindled the Lord’s anger to the point that he forbade Jeremiah to pray for the people (Jeremiah 7:16), then what must God think of a society that has made child sacrifice normal for the sake of elective infertility?

What must he think of a society that goes to such great lengths to do away with children, only to go great lengths to acquire other children when the time is right?

Many worship the false queen of heaven in her cloak of personal autonomy. The people of Judah were manipulating this false fertility queen to obtain offspring, to prosper, and for love. Today, we manipulate a similar queen, the queen of elective infertility, in order to prosper, and for love, and to wipe out offspring. Should we be surprised that so many prayers go unanswered while babies are torn apart or rinsed down the sink or acquired for selfish motives?

We’ve rejected the God who opens and closes the womb in favor of a goddess who shreds it.

When False Gods Work

What may hit closer to home in Jeremiah’s warnings is the sin of pragmatism. It’s a sin that is as common as leaves in the fall or snow at a Minnesota Christmas. Why won’t they listen to Jeremiah? Why do they continue to worship the queen of heaven? Simple. The idol worship is working for them.

Why won’t we forsake greed? Simple. It gets us what we want. Why won’t we say no to porn? Simple. The porn is working out fine and the marriage is no worse for the wear at the moment. Why are we content to ignore our Bibles for a week or a month? Easy. Nothing bad happened the last time we did it. Why do we lie and cut corners at work? Because we’ve been doing it for ages and we still got the year-end bonus and maintain a two-car garage. Why aren’t we bothered by baby killing? Easy. It doesn’t immediately impact our lives.

We are an immediate-cause-and-effect people, desiring practical, expedient solutions to feed our selfishness. We can’t conceive that what is working out so great now could eventually lead to things working out horribly later. And that is a great sin indeed, when we serve an eternally holy God redeeming a forever people who are to be like him.

Men Applauding Murder

As long as we’re dwelling on hard, uncomfortable facts, we should notice that the women of Judah were the initiators of this idol worship. But they didn’t act alone. The men looked on approvingly.

The women said, “When we made offerings to the queen of heaven and poured out drink offerings to her, was it without our husbands’ approval that we made cakes for her bearing her image and poured out drink offerings to her?” (Jeremiah 44:19)

The men commended the women in their folly and treachery, just as many men today commend the women who make it their life’s work to keep abortion “safe and legal” — a euphemism for “deadly and against God’s holy law.” And, perhaps less disgusting to us, there are Christian men who commend the pragmatism of doing what works over doing what God’s word says should be done.

“We’ve rejected the God who opens and closes the womb in favor of a goddess who shreds it.”

The irony is that in worshiping the queen of heaven, the men of Judah are actually doing wrong by their wives. They had the authority and opportunity to steer them in a different direction, but they approved of the evil instead. It’s a lot easier to let your wife wander down the road of sin if everything seems to be working out okay, than to step in and take responsibility. Allegiance to God that outweighs allegiance to a wife would cost something: time, energy, and approval.

Bow to the King of Heaven

Thankfully, Jeremiah himself offers the solution to this tangle of sin and treachery and abomination. The antidote to healing the wound lightly (Jeremiah 6:14), which just means healing it superficially, is found in Jeremiah 6:16:

Thus says the Lord: “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls.”

Jeremiah reminded the people that obeying God and his law was good for them. It was meant to give them rest. Yet, this isn’t good news for a people who have no heart to obey. What do we do when we can’t seem to walk in the way? What do we do when we see the ancient paths, but they look unappealing to us — too costly and very impractical?

We throw ourselves on the mercy of Jesus who is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). We remember that he kept every bit of the law on our behalf, declaring us righteous, and now teaches us to obey as he did. We remember that we only find our life when we lose it — that Christ turns pragmatism on its head. His is the most ancient path, for “he is before all things” (Colossians 1:17). Only in Jesus is there rest for our souls (Matthew 11:29).

And we can draw encouragement from Judah, God’s wayward people. God took them through some dark days. There were dire consequences for their sin (see the book of Lamentations). But in the end, he preserved a remnant. In the end, this disobedient, treacherous people were the very people from whom our Savior would come. That’s a word of hope to anyone who is now bowing the knee to the queen of heaven, whether by conviction or pragmatism.

Originally written by Abigail Dodds for Desiring God. Used with permission.

Wise Children

Recently I read a popular book that’s been pretty controversial. As I read through it I found some good points and thoughts from the author, as well as many statements that didn’t align with Scripture. In fact, there were quite a few things the author claimed as truth that simply aren’t.

But the book is well-written, and some false statements are close enough to being correct that they sound good. It got me thinking about how my kids will process the information they read and hear.

How will they know what’s accurate and what’s not? How will they avoid lies and things that will lead them in the wrong direction?

Many times parents and other well-meaning adults try to control every aspect of a child’s life. We try to shelter our kids from bad things, from lies, from things that will lead them astray. Certainly there is wisdom in that to some degree, but there also can be danger in trying to control so much.

Though my kids are young and I don’t have the experience of others, I have seen a method that works and is Biblical. Instead of trying to oversee everything related to your children, give them the tools to do it themselves. To weigh pros and cons, to determine whether something is right or wrong, to ask questions and come to reasonable conclusions.

We can teach our children how to figure things out for themselves. It may sound tedious, and I’m sure at times it is -- but their foundation on the Word of God is essential. They need to know His Word just as we do.

In our own lives, we strive to learn and grow in Christ, do we not? How do we do that apart from knowing Him through Scripture? (Answer: we don’t.)

So just as we learn how to navigate life and obstacles through God’s Word, we ought to do the same with our kids. Teach them Scripture, and teach them what the verses mean. Have them memorize it and hide it in their hearts, so that they can refer to it and understand the depth of its meaning over time. I am a testimony to this; I memorized Scripture in kindergarten that has stuck with me since, and over the years I have learned more about what those passages mean. Just because they don’t understand it at age 4 doesn’t mean it’s not worth memorizing.

When your kids have questions about things from their day, things they read or hear or see, enter into their world. Talk about it. Work it through with them. Help them get from A to B mentally, but don’t do it all for them. If you can be the assistant while they learn the decision-making and how to implement wisdom, they will be equipped to do it on their own later.

I don’t know about you, but having children who are capable of keeping a solid head on their shoulders and the Lord as the leader of their steps sounds like an incredible gift. Ask the Lord for wisdom and guidance to teach your kids, and be diligent to do the work. The outcome isn’t guaranteed, but ladies, as Christians we have the responsibility of raising our children in the way of the Lord. It’s never too early to be serious about doing so!

Written by Amy Parsons.

Sharing the Load

People always ask me how I do everything. Truth is, I don't! This guy right here literally carries the load.😉

Let me share with you a few things we do as a couple that has helped us stay strong in our marriage:

1) Think the best of one another, not the worst.

2) He gives me back-massages, which always leads to mutual intimacy.😉

3) Be a team player. Share the load. Literally.

4) If you're frustrated about something, speak up in a kind way, after the kids have gone to bed and you've had a few minutes to chill first.

5) Being opposites helps balance us out in a good way. Otherwise I would be broke, and he never would have had the courage to pursue his dreams.😉 (P.S. he's still getting there.)

6) Let him take out the trash, and you put the trash bag in. Otherwise, you will always be irritated that he forgot.😁

7) Speak his love language. He loves acts of service. So do it. And let him know what you love in return and he will do it too. Stop hinting and just be blunt with how you love to be loved. This isn't Hollywood, this is real life and a thriving relationship takes honest communication.

8) Pray together. It's amazing the intimacy and peace that is brought when you open up spiritual intimacy in your marriage.

What about you? What do you do to keep your marriage alive and thriving?

Originally posted on Facebook by Rachel Swanson. Used with permission.

Women, We Need His Word: A Plan for the Hungry and Busy

The idea was so simple it almost doesn’t count as one. Let’s eat God’s word. Together. At a fast but reasonable pace. Let’s encourage one another to get over whatever obstacles stopped us in the past. We want to become women of his word, not women who dabble in it occasionally.

Last fall, we settled on a pace of six chapters a day — some Old Testament and some New Testament, pairing books like Leviticus and Hebrews together, and matching psalms we could to the historic context in which they were written. We wrote catch-up days into the plan (because we have regular lives with regular interruptions). We would get through the whole Bible in the academic year with around 20–30 minutes of reading each day and none on Sundays.

We prayed that God would use our plan to ignite a love of his word in other women too. The project has grown beyond all of our ideas — spreading quickly far beyond our own community and even into other languages. Thousands of women have joined in over the last year. We like to say we are a theologically diverse group, but literally on the same page.

Time to Eat

We need God’s word more than we need food. We are strengthened by it. We are equipped for every good work through it. We can trust that where God sends out his word in our lives, it will not return to him void. It will accomplish the thing for which he sent it.

We’ve simply come to feast. We have all been invited. There is a place prepared by a loving Father for each of us. The food is abundant, endless, nourishing, restoring, perfect, and occasionally confusing. The task is simple. Eat it. Be filled. Do it again. Do it forever. Enjoy the bounty before you — enjoy what your Father has done for you and said to you. Trust the Master of this feast, and enjoy the table fellowship.

But many of us are not in our chairs. We’re under the tables, scavenging for crumbs dropped by the “good eaters” at the table — famous bloggers, Christian teachers, great preachers. We can find enough crumbs at their feet to survive, maybe even live well, but we wouldn’t be obeying God. There is a place with your name on it, a book for you to eat. Get up and eat. Do not be satisfied with crumbs, because your Father is not satisfied with that for you.

Why We Don’t Read

Many Christians are not eating at all. They are busy. They don’t have a quiet life. Often they are not eating simply because they are on a streak of not eating and breaking it seems hypocritical. I cannot eat dinner when I did not have breakfast or lunch! Many Christians quit reading their Bible when they feel like they have failed in some way.

Lost track, fell behind in a plan, didn’t understand, not good enough, forgot. Better wait for a new year, and try to be a better person then. Whatever reason you have, it isn’t good enough. Lay down your pride, and take up your fork. This is the continuing feast. The feast you should never leave, and that is yours to enjoy forever. You are never behind if you are eating today.

Others think you have not taken a bite unless you understand everything about it. As though the word of God is only powerful when we have weighed and measured it, attempted to label all the ingredients, taken voluminous notes, and gone to several lectures about it. We don’t approach this meal that way. There is a time for food science, but it is not at the dinner party. This is our time to simply eat.

Still others have been persuaded that the only way to eat is first thing in the morning in silence. They will not eat unless conditions are perfect, and conditions in this life are rarely perfect. But we always need to eat. We need to learn to take bites with crazy background noise, a squirming baby on our lap, and raucous laughter at the table.

Learn to Eat

It isn’t complicated, but it can be hard. We all face resistance from three directions. The world distracts, the flesh is weak, and the devil accuses. “Do anything but eat!” says the world. “Do something easier! Try Netflix!” says the flesh. “You aren’t good enough anyways and will never succeed! Just remember last time you tried,” says the devil.

Your answer to all three should simply be, “Watch me eat.” We are a scrappy group. We listen on our phones, jump in on the current day’s reading when we get behind, read while standing at the stove making dinner or while nursing babies. We encourage one another to confess sin but despise lingering guilt. When we don’t understand what we read, we do not worry about it — we will be back soon.

The Bible Reading Challenge is a movement of thousands of hungry women enjoying God’s word together. The challenge begins tomorrow, September 11, and runs through the school year. If you are ready to eat, you can learn more information or download the reading plan.

What we are becoming through the grace of God is an enormous party. Women laughing together, eating together, rejoicing in our God together. Cheering when our favorite courses come in again, and rejoicing with one another as we see the results of this perfect food in our lives. This past year we celebrated with many women as they read their whole Bible for the first time, some of them thirty or forty years into their Christian walk. It was time to learn to eat.

Is it your time to learn? Whatever strategy or plan you choose, find a couple women and decide together that you will refuse not to read the Bible this year.

Originally written by wife and mom of seven, Rachel Jankovic, for Desiring God. Used with permission.