A Season of Simplicity

More. Too much. Not enough. Want. Need. Now. These are the words I often find myself speaking over life when I am forcing too much. I am now in a season called for less. Motherhood, marriage, discipling, learning, and growing has called me for a quietness of life, mind, and soul. And it has been a process and a journey that I am still traveling on.

The last month or two have proven this to be true. I was spreading myself thin, saying yes to so much (all good things, but still too much), feeling like I need to do more, and wanting to have more. This is a cycle that is easy to get trapped into. But the truth is, I am doing it to myself. I am choosing to overfill my days with tasks, schedules, stresses, things that are taking my energy, and then I feel like I need more of it. And then there is nothing left for the things that I cannot choose that are put into my life. Also, I have less to give to the things that matter most: my husband, my children, and my God. When I step back and really examine it, it seems silly that I would do this to myself over and over. But the reality is, God will lead me to do what is right for my life at that time if I seek Him and listen to Him. His ways are present to me in the Word, through prayer, through worship. I need to stop and reach out more constantly, daily. It is so difficult to do this when I am distracted by all the things that I feel I need to do, think about, and have.

So I stop. I reach out. I listen. And I hear Him telling me to let go. Let go of some commitments that can wait for another time in my life, let go of possessions, let go of want for more. I keep coming back to the words that a very wise woman speaks often, “I can do everything, just not all at the same time.” And this is where I find myself. He is telling me to wait, to listen, and to just be.

Since I have been dwindling down my list of things I need to do, to have, to think about, I have seen more of Him and His call on my life. I have been more present with my children, being able to truly disciple them from my heart where God leads me. I have been able to connect more with my husband and friends.  I have been seeking God more in the everyday moments. I have been able to take care of myself and my soul to better serve others and God. And it is sweet. I am not near perfect, but I am thankful for the freedom to rebuild, to try again, to have grace in those moments where I fail to live out the order of my priorities.

Simplicity brings a certain kind of freedom; freedom to be present, to be content, to be thankful, to hold space, to be intentional. I have found a great peace in my soul during this time of simplicity. I feel that the Lord is teaching me to let go so He can grow me. I am learning to be a more present mother, wife, friend, and servant. When there is less clouding my mind and life, there is space for more to enter. More of what really matters - what Kingdom matters. I am forced to examine myself and ask “What am I worshipping?” Where is my time and energy going? And I have to face the answer. And I have the ability to change, to accept grace, and to start afresh.

We are inevitably beings bound by time, and we cannot escape it. But we get to choose how we spend it. In our culture, it seems that we are being pushed to and flooded with things that will only cloud us. Be here, do this, buy that, and you will be happy. But that is not so. The more I long for goodness, joy, happiness, the more I find that “things” do not provide that for me. It is a constant rollercoaster of learning this lesson over and over; one of my life’s biggest struggles. Coming from a person raised in a “now, more, and fast” culture, I often lose sight of what I truly value in my heart of hearts. When things are stripped away, I encounter this again and again. Intentionality, peace, joy, loving, teaching, learning, serving, listening, and worshipping. Thankfully, there is grace for the times that I do not pursue this. He is also pursuing me, and I need to take a breath and look for Him, as well.

And now, when I am stripping away unnecessary things from my life, my mind, my soul, I see more of Him. I hear Him speak to me. And so, I believe that He is louder when I have less to quiet Him.

Less, enough, intentional, joyful, filled, thankful, peace.

Originally written and published by Allie LaPointe of Born Well.

Three Secrets to Learning He is Enough

Dear Mom:

He who promised is faithful. You can’t even imagine how many times over the past thirty-five years of walking with the Lord that I refused to believe those words. Instead I chose to believe a lie and it was a simple one: If I was ‘good’ then the Lord was obligated to give me my heart's desire.

I figured it worked with child-rearing and since He was my Father it only made sense that if I behaved and followed all the rules He’d give me what I wanted. Amiright???

And all I wanted was another baby. A good thing, right? We were given one beautiful daughter two and a half years earlier but then I suffered an ectopic pregnancy which caused a miscarriage and one blown out fallopian tube and the other one damaged beyond repair. All the fertility experts were telling me and my husband we were done, no more babies were happening for us unless we adopted. And our attempts at adoption fell through. Three times.

Three freaking times!!!

I thought God was obligated to His word and, darn it, He owed me another baby. I do good, He has to bless, isn’t that how this thing works?

Not so much. I wrongly believed God was obligated to me. To me!! Can you even imagine? But in my immaturity, (I didn’t come to know the Lord until I was twenty-nine) He taught me some huge life lessons.

I learned the hard way that His ways are not my ways and I learned that, “Sometimes it’s necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly.“ From The Zoo Story by Edward Albee. During those hard, hard years He helped me come around to three realizations, three truths that helped me learn He is enough:

1- He isn’t interested in my happiness as much as my highest good. He knows me far better than I know myself and He alone knows my future. No one knows exactly what I need more than the God who created me and my job is to trust Him even when it doesn’t make sense. It’s the hardest part of maturing in Christ but oh-so-necessary if we’re ever really going to
be able to trust Him.

Anything in life I think can satisfy more than Him simply won't. He will have nothing less than my whole heart, full of Him and empty of all else including every worthless idol rattling around I feel compelled to bow down to.

Sweet friend, nothing you desire, not the baby, not the relationship, not the job, the raise, the husband, the influence or recognition, none of it compares to one real moment in God's presence. As John Piper famously says, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."

And God is most satisfied when He can look into our hearts and see His own face reflected there because our hearts are so full of Him.

2- God wants us to want Him for who He is not for what He gives. This one took me forever to learn! He is so much more than anything this world could offer. I wanted another baby way more than I wanted Him because I couldn't see God's why. All I could see was the huge hole in my heart, the empty place He couldn't fill. The hurt and the hollow, the bleeding need.

It took some years before I was able to understand God’s why. He had very make-sense reasons for my husband and me to raise an only child. When I look at our daughter’s life now, I get it and it makes complete sense, but it made no sense at the time. The perspective of years makes a huge difference!

3- His greatest mercy is sometimes wrapped in His deepest test. Oh it was hard to learn His mercy is so much bigger than our happiness. But know this: God is faithful. He promises and He follows through.

Every. Single. Time.

It may not look the way we think it should but we aren’t the ones who get to pick. He chooses our future and our job is to ‘hold fast our confession of hope without wavering...’

Are you believing God for something you desperately want or need? What is He teaching you right now? Do you intensely want to avoid the lesson?

I know, I totally get it. But mama, the best thing you will ever have is Him. Whatever good thing you want, no matter how good it seems right now, can't ever compare because good is always the enemy of the best. He's so much more than you think. Let Him peel back the layers and get to your heart. It's part of the maturing process. I know it’s hard. I know, but don’t give up.

As you allow Him access to your heart and submit to His painful lessons steeped in His great love for you, you will gain intimacy with Him. As He takes you through and you find He comes through, you’ll gain firsthand knowledge of His faithfulness, you'll hear His heartbeat and He will send you out to bring comfort, healing and hope to other bleeding souls.

And you’ll find, just like I did years ago that He is Enough.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

Written by Kate Battistelli, author of Growing Great Kids-Partner with God to Cultivate His Purpose in Your Child’s Life, published by Charisma House. Her newest book, The God Dare, published by Barbour Books, will release in 2019. She’s mom to GRAMMY award-winning artist Francesca Battistelli and Mimi to Francesca's 4 children. She’s been married to her best friend Mike for 35 years and lives just outside of Nashville. Kate loves to cook and blogs about food and faith at www.KateBattistelli.com. You can follow her on Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook.

Six Ways to Redeem Playdates

As a mom of three little boys, playdates are part of our regular rhythm of life. My kids love playing with their friends, and I should love fellowshipping with other Christian moms, right? But to be honest, playdates often leave me discouraged. I go into a date longing for Christian community, but walk out feeling like it was no different from time spent with nonbelieving friends.

I recently shared my feelings with a few other moms (ironically at a playdate), and I was surprised to learn that they feel the same way. How is it that we — a group of moms who love Jesus — can gather for two hours and talk about nothing more than diapers and diets?

We decided then and there that it’s time for our playdates to be seasoned with the gospel. How do we practically achieve that? Moms, here are six ways we can redeem our playdates.

1. Practice humble hospitality.

Playdates give us an opportunity to welcome others in the joy of the Lord. God’s word tells us to “show hospitality to one another without grumbling” (1 Peter 4:9). Remember, little ears are always listening. Do your children hear you complaining about the state of your house, or do they hear you eagerly anticipating fellowship with friends?

A tidy, beautiful home can help foster fellowship, but it is by no means a prerequisite. Go ahead and clean your house, but let the lingering crumbs and fingerprints communicate humility and camaraderie, as if to say, “I’m in the trenches, too.”

Greet your sisters, nephews, and nieces in Christ with holy affection like you would your own family (2 Corinthians 13:12). Create a context for redeemed playdates by showing humble hospitality.

2. Use playdates as a spiritual training ground for your kids.

The Christian playdate should be a safe and grace-filled training ground for our kids as we seek to train them up in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6). If your child hits another child, privately instruct him in confession and repentance. If yours is the one with the bump on his head, comfort him and help him extend forgiveness to his friend (Luke 17:3-4). Lean on and encourage each other as you seek to raise children who will love the Lord.

3. Choose your words wisely.

One of the marks of female Christian fellowship should be wholesome, edifying conversation. When we get together with other women, we have to be ever so careful to “let no corrupting talk come out of [our] mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

While women of the world may complain about their husbands or dish dirt on their neighbors, Christ-following women are called to a higher and holy standard. This doesn’t mean we can’t share our struggles with one another. If you are struggling, by all means, speak up! But check the motives of your heart — are you venting to make yourself feel good or sharing with the expectation of being encouraged (and possibly rebuked) by your sisters in gospel love?

Instead of tearing others down with your words, build each other up with Spirit-filled encouragement. Share what you have been reading in the Bible or what God has been teaching you about himself. You might even praise a child for her kindness, or tell your friend how you admire the way she handled a difficult situation. Speak words of life and point each other to Christ.

4. Look and listen.

Look for opportunities to serve one another in love (Galatians 5:13). Hold another mom’s baby, help a mom of three get her kids into the car, or bring a meal to the mom whose husband is away.

Listen well. Ask God to give you ears to hear your friend’s heart. Make sure you have really listened before offering any encouragement or counsel, and if you can, offer to talk in greater depth outside of the playdate (Proverbs 18:13).

5. Pray while you play.

Pray with and for one another. If your kids are still tiny and immobile, pray over them while they crawl around. If they’re a bit older, invite them to pray before snack time by taking turns praising God. Pray a silent prayer for the mom who is in the midst of disciplining her child. Pause and pray with your own child who is struggling to obey. Ask how you can pray for your friends during the week.

Teach your kids that we can pray even while we play!

6. Invite others in.

Jesus loves children and their mothers, and desires for them to know and love him too. “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them,” he says, “for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:14).

The way to a mom’s heart is often through her children. Invite your child’s nonbelieving friends and their moms to your playdates so they can experience genuine gospel community and the love of Jesus firsthand. “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35).

Moms, it’s time to redeem the playdate. God has so much more in store for us in our fellowship than just keeping our kids busy until nap time. John Newton once wrote, “May Christ be our theme in the pulpit and in the parlor.” With God’s help, let’s covenant to make Christ the theme in our playdates — inviting him into our homes as we gather and play for his glory.

Originally written by Chelsea Stanley for Desiring God.

In The No

“Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!

Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best;

but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Hebrews 12:9-11 (NIV)

When our boys were young they slowly morphed into teenagers, slipping into an unrelatable realm, at least for me. (I had never been a teenage boy.) The early years were easy in comparison. Over time, lack of sleep from midnight feedings turned into waiting up for my teenagers until I heard the crunch of tires on gravel. Parenthood evolved. One moment I was changing diapers and the next juggling issues like sex and alcohol. It became risky. I loved them, even when their attitudes were unattractive, but my love was sometimes expressed in ways that seemed harsh because I said “no” and wouldn’t give them what they wanted.

Still, this powerful, two-letter word, N-O, gets between us and the things we want too. Like you, God loves his children and gives them good gifts, but He doesn’t always give us what we want. In fact, He often keeps us from things we think we’ll enjoy. Even though we know God is the ultimate Father, a God who loves through all circumstances as we grow, there is still this parent-child conflict that occurs in our hearts. Fortunately, God isn’t confused or frustrated at our rebellion or poor choices. However, He is grieved for us when we challenge His “no” because it reveals a darker truth…we don’t trust Him.

Unfortunately, modeling my parenting after God wasn’t always easy. I wavered between being too strict and enabling bad behavior.  I often tell of one situation that happened during our son’s Senior year of high school. After Prom ended he and his girlfriend came to our house to watch a movie.  When the movie was over he came to me and asked, “Mom, would it be okay if she stayed the night?”

Surprised by the question I said, “No. She needs to go home.”

“But it’s really late and her mom said it was okay,” he argued respectfully.

Frustrated, I responded, “I’m not sure why her mother would allow it, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not okay. She needs to go home.”

“Why not? We’re not going to do anything?” he pleaded with a half smile, trying to wear me down.

Then inspiration hit. I asked, “If she were your daughter would you let her stay the night at her boyfriend’s house after prom?”

His quick answer surprised me, “No!”

“Then why are we having this conversation?” I asked victoriously.

Defeated, he turned and sauntered to the couch. Thinking it was settled I went back to reading my book. However, a half-hour later his girlfriend was still there. I marched over to them and found they were dozing off! Shaking him awake, I once again told him to take her home.

“We’re tired,” he growled.

“I don’t care if you’re tired,” I said angrily.  “Either you take her home, or I will!” Outwardly I was stern but inwardly battling with doubt. Am I being silly? Will he hate me? I asked myself questions like these even though I knew the truth. My actions reflected the right thing for my son, but my attitude was as gentle as a charging bull. I was angry and determined.  I was “right.”

“You’re not taking my girlfriend home! I’ll take her,” He announced, like he was the parent. Then, he took her home.

Although the outcome was good the circumstance took me off guard. I didn’t give in, but I certainly wasn’t bearing the fruit of the Spirit during our interaction! However, the possible consequences were not worth the risk. I knew if I let this go without exercising my authority as my child’s protector against “things he thinks he’ll enjoy” then I was enabling him in his destruction. My job was not to make my children comfortable or to make them happy. My job was to mold them into Godly adults--to make them set apart for God and to demonstrate His love for them the way God does for me.

Admittedly, I have failed to exercise my authority with grace in many circumstances (this being one of them). At times I did allow my son to get away with something toxic to his soul because I wanted him to like me. It didn’t work. It backfired, creating more conflict. He didn’t respect me. It wasn’t until he moved out that I realized how inconsistent I had been. (The “yo-yo” mom does not work on a child who knows how to “walk-the-dog!”) Even when I did do the right thing I often did it with the wrong motives. Instead of loving him too much to allow him to do something destructive I said no because I was trying to rescue him from experiencing pain (because it was too painful for me).

Thankfully, parents are covered by God’s grace too. Now, instead of losing sleep over my failures I bring them before God and ask Him to redeem the wounded places in the hearts of my children, fulfilling the needs I failed to meet. I seek my perfect Father and ask Him to set loving boundaries for my grown children that draw them to Himself. Now that my role has changed I feel a freedom to express favor like I would to a friend. Advice does not pass my lips unsolicited, but I am available to talk. I love showering them with good gifts and spending time with them. And, by the grace of God, they are respectful, loving, fun, grateful young men who know the LORD. Having said that, I am anticipating future flops. I am not expecting, from this day forward, to be the perfect mother, grandma or mother-in-law. But, by His authority, I will choose to walk by faith in the “no.”

"Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For He wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal."

Job 5:17-18 (NIV)

Written by Marlene McKenna.