Let Me Tell You a Story

This has been years in the making, and I have often prayed of when to start writing. When to share. The pieces haven’t been there - it always has been not yet. But now, it’s time.

I am going to share fractions of how the Lord has worked in my life. I’m not sure how it will look and where it will go - He isn’t done yet, of course. I don’t have a story tied up with a bow. But my deepest desire is that I will convey His goodness, and that you will come away with two things:

Pain isn’t bad, and God is always trustworthy.

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Josh and I talked about adoption before we ever started dating. He was moving with his family to another country, and he entertained thoughts of how to get involved in an orphanage there. Him, fresh into life in a new country; me, fresh out of life in a new country. Both: a desire to care for those who didn’t have a family.

I was heartbroken to leave that particular mission field. But I thought someday the Lord would bring me back; I had grand plans and all. I knew He had led me to return to the States, as much as I didn’t want to. I thought for sure He would move me back once I’d gotten married. The house I walked past almost daily, the one I’d researched from the sale listing and figured out how many bedrooms I could turn it into – it would wait, right? He could make that happen.

Josh and I got married and settled into our 642-square-foot apartment. Tiny by our standards, lavish by others. I looked out our bedroom window at the sparrows that always sat on the wires. You look after their every need…and You look after mine. Thank You. Would you bring us back there, please?

I longed to go.

Year after year, to this day, my husband still grins when he asks, “has it been three months? You’re about due for a need-to-move itch.”

Over time the yearning for that specific country has waned, as I see such need elsewhere. But my longing to move resurfaces every few months. I long for warmth and sun. for barefoot babies and gardens. for a home with many bedrooms, space for many children, land - that we can afford. And yet He has us here, in a cold little New England town, with many of our dreams out of reach. Contentment is something I’ve had to fight for.

“You want how many kids?” people are always surprised.

“Ten,” I say. “Or more.”

“Is your husband okay with that?”

“You kidding?” he pipes in. “I want as many as the Lord will give us.”

And here we are, with our two sweet boys. Immensely grateful and wondering what His timing is for bringing us more.

Instead of a house with many bedrooms, we are in a duplex with two bedrooms. Instead of acreage and gardens and animals, we share a backyard and have been trying our hand at raised beds in a corner of the lot. Instead of great health, I am forced to put many things (like childbearing) on hold.

I could complain.

But I know that His ways are good and we are where we are because He wants us here. So, I look for the blessings and I turn this waiting into a classroom.

We have plenty of space for our family. We have a yard to play in and let the dog run in. We have the ability to get creative with garden space, and the time to learn and get good at growing food on a small scale. We share the duplex and yard with my brother and sister-in-law, which has been one of God’s greatest blessings to us all. Josh and I have time to focus on training up our boys and setting a family rhythm before adding more children in. I have time to get healthy. There are countless other thanksgivings I could share.

God does what He wants when He wants, and there is no better way.

So I wait, and wait some more.

To be continued…

Order & Chaos || Friday Magnify

 “Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.”
Psalm 34:3

Have you noticed that God is a God of order?

We see it in flowers, in the patterns of geese, in human DNA. We see it in the plans He set for the Temple in the Old Testament; we see it in how He asks us to make right our own sins before pointing out someone else’s, and in the way we go about solving relational issues (Matt. 18).

We see His order in how He arranged the planets, in math and science as we study, in baked goods as we experiment to create.

There is order everywhere if we look close enough, and it makes beautiful what seems like chaos. In fact, even chaos has order and structure to it.

Now, hold up. I was planning to write this about the need for order and structure in our homes as a magnification of who God is. Rhythms and routines are necessary for many reasons. Structure is crucial for us and our kids.

But what about spontaneity? And what about when chaos ensues? Well, God is pretty good at adding some spontaneity and chaos in the mix. Even though He is the Master of order! Ever wash your floors and then the dog and kids stomp through with mud? Or, have plans for a weekend and then your toddler ends up in the ER?

So, life happens and we smile and do the next thing.

Gets me thinking about the whole order-our-homes thing.

As my wise husband pointed out, a proper order of priorities is more important than a focus on keeping the home orderly.

In his words, “is the house tidy and the kids well behaved, but there is envy and bitterness? Better a tornado touched the house than that.”

Our priorities have to be right before God. First and foremost, are we spending time in His Word and prayer? All else is lost if we aren’t faithful with this. Our daily lives are 100% affected by what we believe about Him.

We can better keep our homes when we study and learn who He is. He will influence our decisions. We can better teach our children when we are fed by His Word; we can put a quick stop to any envy or bitterness or other sin trying to creep in. Much better a home made of forts with children who know how to share than an Instagram-worthy room void of [angry] children because Mom won’t let them touch the armchair. And vice-versa: better a home that is kept both in looks and hearts than a home that is disheveled and unruly in the same ways.

Our priorities must be in the right place, not just our decor.

May we take joy in how He orders and scrambles life, and may our homes magnify Him!

To Build or To Tear?

“The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”
Proverbs 14:1

Today you and I have the choice to make efforts to build our homes or tear them down. I don’t know about you, but it is a scary thought that we have the ability to tear our house apart!

We can build up with words - gentle answers, kindness, listening before we speak. Or we can tear down with words - harsh answers, anger, impatience as we deal with situations.

We can build with our actions - praising good deeds, respecting projects and time, making efforts to do fun things together. Or we can tear down - ignoring good deeds to harp on the bad, demanding projects be cleaned because they’re inconvenient or cutting someone’s time short because you’re done, calling it quits at 3pm because you’re too tired for fun.

I could go on, but I’m confident you can recognize things in your own life and household. The Holy Spirit is wonderful at nudging us when we need Him to. Just this afternoon, my oldest asked if he could use my pillows, blankets, etc. to make a path in my room for quiet time. This happens nearly every day…and it is not something I love! But it’s not hurting anything, so I reluctantly said yes again. He can help clean it up in an hour and it’s a simple way to build him up rather than tearing him down by picking a silly fight.

Find ways to build your home today, and recognize the choices that could tear it down. If you mess up, apologize and seek the forgiveness of your kiddos and/or husband. Then move on, and keep growing!

God is faithful, and He will surely give you eyes to see what you need to. :)

Multipurpose Rooms || Friday Magnify

“Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.”
Psalm 34:3

I was looking through photos from one year, two years, and three years ago (phones are so handy) and amidst my trip down memory lane, I noticed how many looks our rooms have had. While I love to rearrange furniture for the fun of it, many times rooms have shifted due to needs that arise.

This room above has been a play room, a guest room, an office, a school room… and each adjustment has been so fun. The sun has shone through on the floors; it has hit across a bedspread; it has caused a glare on the computer screen.

Every other room in our home has looked different at one time or another, and I love the functionality. Sometimes we think we need a bigger house or more rooms in order to accomplish something, but oftentimes we have what we need already. God is so good to provide for us, even if it’s simply with more creativity.

This Friday, I’m thankful for the ebbs and flows our home has seen. I’m thankful for how the Lord has brought the seasons and changes, and the beauty in all of it!