We Adopted!

It had been a year since we’d signed on with our wonderful consultant, Dawn. Three years since we began pursuing adoption. We had seen children’s situations come through, and had presented our family profile to some. Some we never heard about again, others we were told were a no-go. We began to have hard conversations. Maybe we should pause? Stop altogether? We called Dawn and talked it through with her, deciding to make a last-ditch effort in the remaining two months of our contract. That was a Monday. We got an email that Tuesday evening, and saw it Wednesday afternoon.

Urgent situation: 3.5 year-old-boy, reportedly autistic, born drug-addicted with one kidney. Nonverbal, not potty trained. Staying in cradle care homes, needs permanent placement asap.

We read the email over a couple times and thought about it.

“We don’t really have enough info to be able to say yes,” Josh said.

“We don’t have enough info to be able to say no… Can I ask some questions?” I asked him.

He agreed to ask and get more information. It could be a situation way over our heads, or it could be doable.

The more we found out, the more our hearts broke for this little boy. He deserved a loving home. We shared his name and some of his story with our biological boys, and we asked God for wisdom. Our boys talked about the things they would share, and all that they would teach him and show him if he came to live with us.

“Does he have a mommy and a daddy?”

“He does, but they aren’t taking care of him.”

“Does anyone care about him? Where is he staying? What does he like to eat?”

We prayed and prayed and kept asking questions and obtaining information. God kept sorting out details before we knew they existed. We committed to pursue Kashton, and the rush began.

The house was quickly rearranged and cleaned, and the four of us packed up to drive to Florida. Two weeks after we had heard of his situation, we were down in his State to meet him.

Kash was staying with a third cradle care family (similar to foster care, but not State-run) when we arrived. They are a wonderful Cuban couple who only speak Spanish. We had a translator for the first meeting, and an app for the interactions that followed. Our limited Spanish vocabulary was put to the test! We learned all that we could about how Kash had been doing; his behaviors, sleep patterns, food and drink intake, progresses and regressions. Kash stayed isolated and refused to interact, but after some time Levi and Caleb got him giggling and playing on one of the beds. Kash’s caregiver began to cry, as she hadn’t seen him open up and interact that way with any other children.

The second day, we took him out with us to a local playground where he promptly took off running. His poor balance combined with a rough night of sleep the night before resulted in more of a free-fall than a run and he toppled over a few times before sitting to play with the grass. We played a bit, then fed everyone lunch and brought him back to the house for nap time.

The third day, we packed up our belongings from the friends’ house we’d been staying at, picked up Kash and arrived at our first Airbnb. We took placement of him the following day, and he has been with us ever since.

That was five weeks ago. And it turns out, this is in fact way over our heads – and because of Christ, it is doable.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”
James 1

We have clung to this chapter in Scripture. Never did we think adoption would be easy – yet, like all of life, it’s impossible to fully know the difficulties until they are experienced. Our faith has been put to the test, and we have questioned ourselves.

Why are we caring for this little boy? Because God asks us to care for the orphan, and He gently and firmly set Kash in our laps.

How will we meet Kash’s needs? “God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). Quite frankly, we can’t meet all of Kash’s needs. Not on our own. Only Christ can give us the strength physically, the wisdom to know what he needs and when, the right resources at the right time.

What about our bio kids and their needs? Do we not think the Lord sees them too? Of course He does; they are not forgotten. They have been on this journey with us from day one, and they know what Scripture says. They know God asks us to care for others, and they have jumped at the opportunity. Their world has expanded dramatically as they’ve experienced another State and culture (Florida and New England are not the same, y’all), and as they’ve spent time with a child who does not talk or think like they do. They are learning more to take all of their needs to the Lord, and it is a beautiful thing. They have accepted Kash and chosen to serve him. Josh and I are so proud of them.

What a crash-course for maturity this has been. The first two weeks we were home, I was sure this boy would break us. But Josh pulled out James 1 and we read it over and over and over. God has proven Himself trustworthy and sufficient for each of our trials.

“Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.”
Ecclesiastes 7:8

This verse is forever in the front of my mind. When we first got Kash, he would not look at us. He would rarely lift his head. His mouth made one sound, a low “ooooh” that would come out as he flapped his hands over a book. He snatched books and toys and held them tight if I tried to move them aside. His steps stuttered and his feet dragged and he wobbled as if constantly drunk. He struggled to climb a playground structure. He only drank strawberry milk and did not feed himself. He would shake and become fearful at bedtime. He would wake in the night screaming, crying, thrashing – inconsolable, for hours on end.

The first night we had him, I placed his hand on his spoon and showed him how to bring food to his mouth. He was thrilled. From that point on, he has been determined to eat his food by himself. Fast-forward to now, just over a month later, and he will look us in the eyes. He has added “mah” and “may” and “bah” and “yah” to his vocabulary, and you better believe we rejoice with each sound! He trusts that if I move a book or toy, he will come back to it and therefore doesn’t hold on tightly. He walks a little straighter, his head stays up longer, his feet don’t shuffle quite as badly. He can climb up and down stairs with minimal help. He drinks water-diluted juice all day and his beloved plain milk at bedtime. Bedtime is no longer a scary ordeal, and his bad nights don’t last quite as long.

A week ago I brought him to the bathroom to change his diaper and figured I’d set him on the potty to get him used to it. Potty training was something I planned to do months later; there are other, higher priorities. But he sat there and peed, like he’d been waiting his whole life to use a toilet. I jumped for joy, he smiled real big. We still have to work on communication so he can tell us he needs to go potty, but for now we make frequent trips to the bathroom and he is happy to have more dry diapers.

With God’s help, he will continue to make progress. God has seen fit to show us which needs to address first, how to adjust diet to help him function better, how to keep our family routine and assimilate Kash into our family life. God is showing me how “the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit” – many times I would much rather hold onto my comforts and plans, yet He asks me to be patient and equips me to do so. This is an intense learning process for all of us, but we trust that the end will be better than the beginning!

We had asked the Lord to send us children, and specifically the children who were hard to place. We sought out private adoption as other avenues had failed – and we waited for the unlikely chance that there would be a child older than a newborn. He surprised us, in His timing, and provided the means to go get Kashton. He has cared for each of us. He saw that our finances were taken care of, even last-minute. He worked out an appointment to get our van serviced right before we headed down, and nudged friends to send clothes and gifts for each boy so they’d be ready upon our arrival back home. He located us close to Dawn during our first week in Florida, and she graciously opened her home to us and reassured me when I was scared and in tears. He worked out our rental stays, as we had to wait day-to-day for clearance to leave the State. The final rental especially was a gift – the exact dates we needed were the only available dates, and we received a discount since it was very last-minute. It was on a farm in horse country, and we had freedom to walk around and pet the animals. How sweet it was to have that time together, and to have things to do just outside our door. God has taken good care of us.

Praise the Lord with us, for His goodness and His perfect timing! And join us in welcoming Kash to our family. Finalization will happen months from now, but he is finally home for good. Thank God!

“So we, Your people and the sheep of Your pasture, will give You thanks forever; we will show forth Your praise to all generations.”
Psalm 79:13

This Is My Home, These Are My People

This is my home, these are my people.

This is the staircase with an extra stair and loose post, treads worn from traffic.

These are the floors that are daily walked on by feet of all sizes, leaving prints of mud or water or tiny sock fuzz.

This is the living room, where friends gather and forts are made and plants are watered. The sun shines bright on little faces watching trucks and cars, people and dogs. There are waves to neighbors and excited peeks to see if Daddy is home.

These are the books we read and re-read, shelf upon shelf upon shelf. We gather ideas, connect thoughts, giggle and share funny faces. These are the stories we tuck away, the people we learn from.

This is the kitchen, the heart of our home. This is where owies are mended, emotions are dealt with, bellies are filled. This is where lessons are taught and handwriting practiced, where more books are read and recipes learned. This is where herbs are potted, and remedies are made and administered. This is where gifts are made for friends and strangers, where conversations of every kind are had and countless prayers are said. This is where God provides and multiplies.

These are my children, who love life and learning. These are the ones who fill our home with laughter and creativity, who leave PVC pipe mazes in odd places and who tuck in their stuffed animals at quiet time. These are the ones God knit together, giving me the gift of motherhood. The ones He uses to sanctify me and make me more like Himself. These are the ones I in turn am able to teach and train in His ways.

This is my husband, the driving force of our home. This is the man who seeks the Lord and His will, who sets the course for our family and whom we happily follow. This is the man who is constantly learning and sharing what he learns, the one who teaches and listens and guides. This is the man who shares in our joys, dries our tears and makes us laugh. This is my husband, who shows me and our children more about Christ. This man makes our lives so rich.

These are the days that begin early, when the Lord graciously pries open my eyelids to teach me His ways. These are the mornings coffee is made while it’s dark and Scripture is read before little ones awake. These are the mornings God shows Himself mighty.

These are the days of sanctification, of roots going down deep. These are the days the Lord teaches and instructs, convicts and forgives. The days He fills with joy and peace and satisfaction. These are the best days, the days He has given us.

There are many rooms to this house, for nourishing, serving, growing and praising. These are the places and the faces He has surrounded me with. The gifts He has sweetly given. This is my home, and these are my people.

Races and Rhythms || Friday Magnify

"Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together."
Psalm 34:3

The ground was covered in icy slush, our feet crunching and sliding as we walked into the woods. The kids ran off the path to a small waterfall, shouting at us to follow.

Our friends oohed and ahhed at the waterfall and continued walking down the hill, tracing the stream toward the river. The boys took off running, again, daring themselves to slip and slide the whole way down. They managed to stay on their feet, thankfully, and without going over the banks into the icy water. A success in this mama’s book.

We admired the river and continued walking around trees and over roots and across muddy slush until we came to another incline. With each step the view of the river expanded, and we were met at the top by a beautiful historic house whose paint has been chipping away slowly over the years.

The boys took off again, this time down another hill facing the edge of the water. My husband hollered at them to stop and they did, reluctantly, knowing the feats that awaited them over that hill. We’ve been there quite a few times; my husband has not. Nevertheless, it was good he stopped them from racing down the crooked, jagged, steep granite steps that this time were covered in snow.

Once we’d all made it down that flight of stairs, we looked with wonder at the river before us. Here we were again, when the ice chunks had begun to float by. The sights of nature, all in rhythm. The same birds, ducking in and out of the water for food. The same voices from the trees, quiet and hidden.

The boys and men grabbed chunks of ice and began tossing them into the water. This led to skipping them, then smashing them, then seeing who could throw the biggest piece the farthest. Yet again, no one fell in and no one even got feet soaked. Another success.

Two out of four phones died, and we laughed and accepted the fact that we wouldn’t be documenting much, save the couple photos I had gotten earlier. Soon our fingers were frozen and the sun was beginning to set, so we headed back to through the woods to the parking lot.

We came out into the clearing to see a tow truck and a few cars remaining in the parking lot. The truck drove off before we could get to it, and there we sat with wheels spinning in the slush. I got in the driver’s seat and the men went to push. Rock back and forth, back and forth; slide up and down, up and down.

A girl who had been waiting on the side of the road stepped out of her car and walked over, offering to help. A few minutes later, a man who’d been on the phone in his car also stepped out and started to push. With more rocking and sliding we finally grabbed pavement and got up onto the road. Everyone then turned their attention to the other man’s car, which was also stuck. They pushed him up to the road, cheered and shook hands, and got into their respective cars. Off we went.

Those shouts of joy, the laughter and sounds of feet stomping through snow, the competition on the river’s edge. The rhythmic happenings of nature, the ice floating downstream as it always does in the winter. The helpful strangers in the parking lot, and just enough daylight to see the situation. A fun and comical afternoon spent with friends. The Lord has been good to us.

God's Forgiveness || Friday Magnify

"Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together."
Psalm 34:3

Every now and then I am overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a parent. All of my failings and shortcomings are on center stage, and I am plagued with doubt. How can I do this well, when I feel like a total mess? How will my children grow up knowing the Lord, if I give them a poor example of a Christ follower? I know I’m not alone in wondering these things!

In response to this we often hear that we really aren’t that bad, or that God will never give us more than we can handle. We receive some platitudes and move on. Or, we look at our failures and dramatically exaggerate them and think we are just the worst.

Well, sometimes we moms really are that bad. We do sin, and those decisions have consequences. Other times, we have messed up but the solution isn’t a good ol’ pity party that is nursing our pride. And sometimes, God surely does give us more than we can handle - ever looked at Job, or Nehemiah, or Paul? The point isn’t what we can handle, the point is that God is strong and worthy of glory. We have chances to learn our need of Him, and we see Him strong through our weaknesses.

So as I sit and mull over the week, I’m reminded that He is so good regardless of my shortcomings. He brings me back to the foot of the cross, where I humbly ask forgiveness and am given yet another fresh start. He reminds me that my kids need to see this repentance-and-forgiveness cycle in action; they don’t need to see a mom who pretends to never sin. They need to see a mom who asks her Lord, and her family, for forgiveness and then tries again. They need to see that mistakes brushed under the rug only breed more sin, instead of effectively dealing with them straight on.

How grateful I am for His forgiveness. I don’t deserve it, yet He gives it in abundance. It truly yields the best life. I am grateful for the best Teacher, that I might learn and then pass on this knowledge to my children. I am grateful that I can pray and ask the Lord for help, in my own life and in regard to my children. He is so good!

“Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered.”
Psalm 32:1

Amen!