Not-So-Subtle Control


"Did you know the cellar door was open?” she asked pointedly.
“Oh, no,” he said. “Oops.”
Oops! she thought. Can he not remember to close it so the toddler doesn’t fall down the stairs?


“Why is your coat here?” she questioned.
“I forgot where I put it,” he answered.
She rolled her eyes and sighed. Was it that hard to put away?


Reading those scenarios makes me cringe. I hate to admit that I can be that wife – ugh, I hate to admit it. Not too long ago, God gently asked me something after one of these conversations played out: When I ask my husband these pointed questions, what’s my motive?

Often I outwardly portray that I’m “just curious.” Genuinely wanting to know the answer to the toned questions I’m throwing at him. While sometimes that’s true, there’s another motive that’s also accurate: pride.

I ask these questions wanting him to get the picture. Get with the program. Realize that he’s doing things incorrectly.

It doesn’t just happen at home; my motives follow me anywhere and everywhere. In the car, in stores, in other people’s houses. Why can’t he think like I do and take care of things like I do? Why can’t he just do it *right*?

Then I realize what I’m doing. And I realize how selfish and rude it is. How my desire for control and the need to be right run the show sometimes… and how that show is downright ugly.

Ever been there? I don’t know about you, but almost every time I do this I have a little prick in my spirit before the words come out of my mouth. A nudge from the Holy Spirit to either keep my mouth shut or change the words I’m about to say.

Right now, this morning, is a fresh start. Another chance to say no to the selfishness and pride that put a wedge between my husband and me and are sin before God. So today, with His help, I’m going to heed that nudge from the Spirit and either refrain or reword. One day at a time, may He make me more like Himself. Will you join me?


Written by Amy Parsons

Amy Parsons