Children are Blessings

We live in a culture that hates children. They are seen as annoying, distracting, and inconvenient. There are so many examples of this! Summer break starts, and many parents whine about having their kids home. School starts and parents rejoice about “not having to deal” with them anymore - but then whine about how many pairs of shoes they have to buy because *gasp* their feet grew. Not that long ago - a whole three years ago - if you walked through a store, you’d inevitably see a stressed-out mother barking at her children to stop, stop, stop! (Now we place orders for pickup and avoid the chance to train our kids how to act in public!) There are bumper stickers of little faces with “financial burden on board” written next to them. Some people take it a step further and use children for their own gain, through pedophilia and trafficking and murder. It is even considered “brave” to murder a child in the womb, if it means the mom will supposedly have a better life without the child.

Now, not everyone sees children this way or treats them poorly. But our culture is very anti-children, and I am using these examples to prove that point.

Is this negative perspective on children what Scripture teaches? Are children distracting from other good works? Are they just here for cute Instagram photos and hopefully the chance to brag on their accomplishments in college some day? Do their lives have actual meaning and purpose?

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.”
Psalm 127:3

Scripture tells us that children are a heritage - a legacy; something that goes beyond one generation. They are a reward, and they were created on purpose!

“Children are not distractions from more important work. They are the most important work.”
C.S. Lewis

Children are a heritage and reward…

…when pregnancy and labor are hard, and the first few days are spent in the NICU.

…when the days are long and filled with messes.

…when they sleep well, and when they don’t.

…when they are cheerful, or chronically sick.

…when bouts of sickness rampage the whole family.

…when they learn lessons quickly, or take their time.

…when they ask uncomfortable questions and put you on the spot.

…when your plans for them pan out, and when they don’t.

…when they arrive in your family biologically, through foster care, and through adoption.

…when they appreciate your efforts for them and when they don’t.

…when they like your cooking, and when they don’t.

And on and on we can go. We don’t get to decide whether or not our children are gifts; God says they are! When the temptation comes to complain about your child, bring this truth to mind. Bring it to mind when you are tempted to compare your child to another woman’s child.

Have you ever prayed that God would allow you to see your children how He sees them? This is one way to do just that! Memorize Psalm 127:3 and train yourself to recall it in every situation. You will see more often just how your children are blessings. Your child/children were made by Him and put specifically in your family. He has given you a heritage, and a reward! Praise Him and thank Him often! We may not be able to change our culture’s view on children singlehandedly. But we can provide a home where our children know that they have worth from God, based on what Scripture says about them. Families built around the Word of God do collectively change culture over time. Be encouraged!

Friday Magnify || Baby Steps

“Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together!”
Psalm 34:3

The Israelites are so relatable. Over and over, the Lord blesses them and does wonders for them and provides for them - and they celebrate and thank Him and then promptly forget. The days carry on and they get back to old bad habits and sins, and they lose track of how the Lord is Lord and cares for His people.

Back in April, Josh and I saw the Lord’s work in front of us as He brought Kash home to us and provided for all of our needs. We have seen His goodness over and over again. Yet I’ve had weeks of losing track, wallowing in how hard the challenges are and how there’s seemingly little progress made. I have to make a conscious effort to look back and reflect, to see that there has in fact been progress, and to thank God for His many blessings!

Four months ago, nobody in our house knew which end was up. Well, some days we did and many days we didn’t. There was a new kid who couldn’t talk and didn’t know how to help himself along and we didn’t know what to do with him. Could he put on his shoes? Nope. Could he walk up the stairs on his own? Nope. Could he play with anyone? Nope. Did he care? Nope.

Yesterday I watched as he looked my older boys in their eyes and laughed. I teared up as they took turns putting a Tupperware container on their heads and beating it like a drum. All of them. Kash. Playing. And happy about it!

The day before that I was overcome with gratitude in a hospital lab. The kids wiggled and tried to control their impulses to grab things and they did well, considering. The pleasant nurse worked hard to get a quick blood draw from Kash while another nurse and I held him with all our might, as he tried to turn himself sideways and slip out of my lap to the floor. Finally the bandage was applied and I braced myself to deal with his anger, which would inevitably turn toward me. Yet he crumpled, and turned into me so I could hold him close. No grabbing and pinching, no clenching his teeth so hard they’d break, no hatred in his eyes. He allowed me - wanted me - to comfort him. Words can’t describe how huge that was.

Later that day Levi found a bag of candy corn stashed in the basement, and we turned it into a fun reward. Levi and Caleb get a piece for each memory verse they can recite, or Psalm they can sing. Kash gets a piece for each sound he can imitate. He will now make a few sounds on demand, with good eye contact. If that’s what it takes to get him talking!

What great marks of progress! What a blessing it is to focus on them, rather than all the challenges and struggles. Lord, thank YOU!

Photo above of Kash, doing his daily morning chore: sorting silverware. Praise God!

Seven Years!

We finally got out on a date (thanks Mom!), and realized we don’t have many photos together - so we attempted selfies in the truck and this is the best we got. At least it’s documented; someday our kids will laugh!

Once there was a young girl in New Hampshire who wanted to get married and take in lots of children. She envisioned dirt roads and bugs and tile floors and ceiling fans. Walking to the market, visiting people along the way, attempting to teach the multitude of children addition and subtraction and how to read. She spent time in Belize and Mexico and looked eagerly for opportunities, yet the Lord kept her in the States. She wrote regularly to a friend, sharing things she’d learned and what she hoped for. Maybe someday her dreams would come true.

At the same time there was a young man working hard at a machine shop in Idaho, wondering where he’d meet a girl he could marry. His family was preparing to move to Brazil, and he decided to go with them and see if there were any orphanages in need of help. Plans changed, and they moved to Ecuador instead. He spent time learning the culture and getting to know people. But he had been writing regularly to a girl for years now, and it was becoming apparent that they should spend time in person.

The girl with big dreams and the man interested in pursuing her met for the first time in the Portland, Maine jetport, nervous and shaky and slightly shocked at the minimal height difference. They took each other’s hands and agreed to get to know each other better.

Less than a year later, in a beautiful barn with family and friends (and a chicken behind the pastor, because God is funny), they washed each other’s feet and vowed to serve each other for the rest of their lives. And off they went into the sunset.

That was about seven years ago, and we are still washing each other’s feet. Not literally, very often, but certainly figuratively. He sacrifices for me and I for him. Most of the time with good attitudes, and someday with chickens.

The Lord blessed us quickly with two wonderful boys, and a few months ago He brought a third little boy into our family via adoption. We have plenty of dirt and bugs and walking around barefoot as I had envisioned - but the landscape looks a bit different. Our little house is full of little people and I am attempting to teach them addition and subtraction and how to read (with success, thank the Lord!).

The days are busy and messy and oh-so-sanctifying. We get to the end of some days and conk out before we can debrief. There are many learning curves and things to juggle, many mistakes and times to ask forgiveness. There are meals around the table and dinner conversations we treasure. There are times of singing together and praying with each other and giving lots of hugs and kisses. We love our family.

Marriage has been an incredible gift to us. That God would see each of us, in different places, and bring us to spend our lives together - how amazing! I’m immensely grateful for Josh and all of our similarities and differences. God has taught us how to work well together, how to compliment and encourage each other. We have each other to lean on for every challenge, and we share the joys and sweet times. Has it been easy? Ha! Nope. But we thank God for the hard times, and for His Word - because with His Word as a guide, we have found that rough patches can turn quite a profit. Our marriage has been edified and strengthened greatly, and we are better people for it.

Here’s to seven years, Babe. You’re my favorite and I hope we have many, many more years together. I love you forever!

Bugs And Brains

"Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together."
Psalm 34:3

Have you ever stopped to think how much a child may be learning from a simple task or experience? I remember watching our first two boys as they explored the world around them, being so excited alongside them when something “clicked.” Watching the pieces come together as their brains developed was amazing. Most things came easily to them, and if there was a challenge they conquered it as quickly as they could (even if it took a little while, they were very determined!). Right on to the next thing; they still are always learning and absorbing more than I realize.

And now, we have a little boy who has not developed normally and whose brain doesn’t function like most other kids’ brains do. A few years of neglect, plus being sheltered from good things and exposed to bad things - makes for a very delayed, struggling, physically smaller brain.

It’s strange to me, to be pulling out baby board books and toys that a one-year-old would enjoy - for our almost-four-year-old. It’s not right that this little guy is struggling because of others’ poor decisions. But it is what it is, and God is redeeming the brokenness in his life. Praise Him for that!

As I watch our littlest boy interact with life around him, I’m amazed and a bit dumbfounded. Here he is, a big toddler, handling leaves like he’s never seen them. Splashing a puddle with jaw wide open while he watches how the water moves and jumps. Holding and immediately flinging playdough with disgust. Some learning is coming quickly to him, and some is not. It’s taken a couple months but he admires leaves and puddles and has decided playdough is fun. He will respond to his name; he will giggle and run to find me when he’s happy or sad or scared. He has crossed some mental bridges from the initial exposure to an object or concept, to understanding it and its movement/effects. He is learning.

Some days are painful to watch, or frustrating to manage. God has taught me much about patience as I’ve waited for shoes to be taken off or books to be returned to a shelf. Things that typically take a minute or two often take 10-20 minutes. But day by day, God is helping him understand life and be able to do tasks. His brain is growing, literally, and connections are being made.

I am especially struck by how much learning can happen from one single, small thing. All those days I spent years ago with our first two, with blocks on the floor and applesauce in a highchair; with a bin full of dry noodles and pompoms or a blanket in the yard and grass between everyone’s toes and bugs crawling up our arms… The days of watching birds and chipmunks, making muffins together, singing silly songs, pretending to be different animals… I had no idea just how productive and formative all those things were and are. Now I’m seeing those little things turn into catalysts for our boy to learn more. I’m seeing that slowly, deeply exploring God’s world and watching how He has made everything to work and function truly does set a good foundation for a child, in every way.

There is much more for me to learn as I walk through all the developmental stages again, in a not-so-neat order. I’ll have to learn more about trauma, brain chemistry, adoption, parenting, and many other things I’m not aware of yet. I’ve marveled this week at learning itself, and how capable of learning the human brain is. It can re-learn, overcome challenges, heal, grow, and thrive. God is our Maker and Sustainer! All glory to Him, for all learning and development at every stage!