Inadequacy & Sufficiency

I want to be all the things.

Please all the people.

Fear creeps right in as I settle down on the couch to look at the snow.

How can I possibly handle more if I can’t handle what I have?

What makes me think I could handle more kids, like we so desire?

What makes me think I can give more and serve more?

But when I think it all through, these questions and others, I see lies.

I think things aren’t being handled, yet they are. The kids are fine, everyone’s basic needs are met, we have a happy home, and we’re all learning more about Jesus.

Still all I see is my failures.

Failure over here, failure over there. Not enough of this, not enough of that.

There’s Godly wisdom in managing time well, in saying no to things, in prioritizing. Taking things off my plate when I know He wants me to - that yields blessings.

But there are situations that break me… because that’s what He wants. There are times it all simply is too much for me, and that’s a good thing. He uses these seasons to make me stronger - stronger because I know His strength better.

I know this truth, and I’ve known it all my life: I am not enough. He is.

Motherhood has shown me more depth to this truth; depths I haven’t experienced before. I can do a whole lot by myself. I can pick myself up by the bootstraps and keep going. And going, and going, and going. I can meet people’s physical needs and keep meeting them as they come in and out the door.

But there’s a whole lot of brokenness in this world, with each of us. There’s brokenness in me and there’s brokenness in everyone who comes through our doors. It’s messy. I’m inadequate. There are mental and emotional needs I’ll never be able to meet. And truthfully that’s the hardest part, seeing things and wishing I could fix them - knowing I can’t.

Yet He is sufficient.

The needs everyone else has? He can meet them. Let them see Him!

The needs I have? I mess up, and I wish my flaws could go unseen but often they don’t. So I apologize when necessary, and turn to Him. He can meet my needs too. May my children see!

There are questions I don’t have answers for. But I do know that the Lord has every answer we could ever need, whether it looks how we expect it to or not.

So rather than try to pretend I can do it all, or be it all - I’m learning to accept my limitations. It sounds silly, doesn’t it? Obviously we have limitations! Oh, but we act like we’re invincible.

My limitations show myself and others that He alone can satisfy. Using them to point to Him can be painful but it is truly a joy! And - He determines what’s ultimately necessary and what’s not. What a shift, to think of how His load is light (Matt. 11:30) while the loads we give ourselves are so heavy!

That fear that creeps in, as I sit and think of all the things to do and be… it isn’t necessary. As the Lord adds people and tasks to our lives, He gives all that’s needed. He also gives standards to measure by; I can look to others to gauge some things in life, but may I let Him be the end-all.

My encouragement to you, reader, is to rely on His strength and look to Him to judge how you’re doing. Be consistently - daily - in His Word and in prayer. Let Him guide you and your family.

Be faithful with what He puts in front of you, be content in it, and do all for His glory. Rest in His sufficiency. He truly, deeply, is enough!

-Amy

Taught in the Quiet

It’s been quiet around here the last month. :)

I’m amazed at how much the Lord has taught me in these last few weeks. Seems like many of the things I *knew* in my head have been fleshed out, brought to life before me.

It has been so full.

Scaling back (significantly) on work beyond the home has left me with so much more. More time and energy, yes, but also more awareness. More availability. More creativity for what’s in front of me.

I tend to view all things in life from a dichotomist’s perspective - either/or, this or that, black or white. All or nothing. I do things to extremes, and over the years the Lord has so graciously been helping me gain balance. Pausing the Strength & Song magazine and routine emails has been another means of Him teaching me this. In time, those things may come back to my plate - but they will be much better balanced and the season will be more suitable.

Instead of using every naptime and much of my free time for work, I am more available for my family and community. And I’ll share a humbling fact - I think I’ve done more ministry in the last four weeks than I did in two years working. (It is hard to determine this, of course, because I don’t see the fruit of my labor when I’m producing emails and magazines. But this month has been so rich; you’ll see why.)

We’ve welcomed people over for dinner. I’ve sat on my couch with ladies from church as we cried out to the Lord on behalf of a friend. The kids have helped me make dinner for a sick friend, and came with me to deliver it. We’ve sat around the fire past bedtime with family, watching stars and kids who’d had too much sugar. We’ve had new friends over to play, a family who just moved back home after 10 years away. The kids and I have been in a morning Bible study, and my husband and I have joined an evening Bible study. We welcomed a desperate mom and her baby for a night while she made some life choices. We’ve had impromptu playdates with neighbors whose yard isn’t so flat.

It’s been full.

These things haven’t all happened at once, and I don’t share them to boast. I don’t have all the things we think are necessary to be hospitable - in fact, the only bed I had to offer our guest was the couch. Yet God has convicted me of the importance of living out my faith in my community. He’s convicted me of the need to actually know my community.

I don’t need to have the answers for everyone. I used to be fearful of my neighbors, fearful that I would say something that didn’t represent Christ well and fearful that I wouldn’t remember the right Bible verse for the moment. Growing up in a Christian home and Christian school and going to church regularly (all good!), I wasn’t sure how to interact with nonbelievers. What do you even talk about, if there’s no similarity of faith? What happens when they ask a question or make a statement contrary to His Word and you don’t have an answer or response?

What a weight I haven’t needed to carry. I have learned better the meaning of Luke 12:12:

Now when they bring you to the synagogues and magistrates and authorities, do not worry about how or what you should answer, or what you should say. For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.

He knows what our neighbors need and when they need it. My job is to be obedient to Him. Of course, that can still spark some fear (standing for Truth with nonbelievers is still a challenge sometimes!). But being obedient to Him is to love them well.

Living alongside other humans is messy. (I know, DUH.) It means riding the rollercoasters of emotions with them. It means joy in the morning and weeping at lunch and desperation at snacktime and contentment at dinner. (And yes, it also means days are often measured in terms of meals. There’s lots of food.) I’ve been learning too that riding the rollercoasters means you need to get good at leaving things with the Lord. If you keep it all in your grip, you obsess over problems and how to fix them and make everyone happy and guess what? Only God can satisfy. We do have limits to how far we can extend. He doesn’t. Hallelujah!

I’ve been taught in the quiet. It has been hard, and it has been wonderful. We have a Savior who steps into our mess, who loves us so deeply, who knows the answers to all of our needs. He is the answer to our need. And He fills us with His joy everlasting, He is truly amazing!

I have missed the regular emails and putting together magazines, it is still bittersweet to think of the fact that I’m not doing them right now. Yet this season has been so good, and I know I’m where the Lord wants me to be. I am so looking forward to how He continues to teach me and work in our family. If you need a push to slow down, scale back, or get outside your comfort zone in community… here it is. *Nudge*

Still praying for you, friends. May the Lord lead you and fill you with His joy.

-Amy

Not an Idol, but the Living God

Psalm 115

Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us,
But to Your name give glory,
Because of Your mercy,
Because of Your truth.
Why should the Gentiles say,
“So where is their God?”

But our God is in heaven;
He does whatever He pleases.
Their idols are silver and gold,
The work of men’s hands.
They have mouths, but they do not speak;
Eyes they have, but they do not see;
They have ears, but they do not hear;
Noses they have, but they do not smell;
They have hands, but they do not handle;
Feet they have, but they do not walk;
Nor do they mutter through their throat.
Those who make them are like them;
So is everyone who trusts in them.

O Israel, trust in the Lord;
He is their help and their shield.
O house of Aaron, trust in the Lord;
He is their help and their shield.
You who fear the Lord, trust in the Lord;
He is their help and their shield.

The Lord has been mindful of us;
He will bless us;
He will bless the house of Israel;
He will bless the house of Aaron.
He will bless those who fear the Lord,
Both small and great.

May the Lord give you increase more and more,
You and your children.
May you be blessed by the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

The heaven, even the heavens, are the Lord’s;
But the earth He has given to the children of men.
The dead do not praise the Lord,
Nor any who go down into silence.
But we will bless the Lord
From this time forth and forevermore.

Praise the Lord!

This Psalm has been on my mind a lot lately, especially the verses (4-8) describing the futility of idols. This past Sunday, our pastor pointed something out that corresponded with these verses - people who create idols ultimately worship themselves. True, isn’t it?

If an idol has a mouth but can’t speak, who comes up with its rules and morals?

If an idol has eyes but can’t see, who determines right and wrong?

If an idol has ears, but can’t hear, or noses, but can’t smell - who says what’s pleasing and what’s not?

Someone may have a literal figurine or statue that they bow down to, or it may be something abstract. But anything worshiped that isn’t the Lord God is an idol.

Those who make them are like them; So is everyone who trusts in them.

This Psalm talks about literal statues, physical idols. And the author says that those who create and trust in these idols are like them. Empty, futile, hopeless.

But those who trust in the Lord? We have substance to our faith!

We have the God who speaks, the God who sees, the God who hears and smells and moves. He’s living and active. He is our help and shield, He is not only aware of our lives but involved in them. We don’t serve an idol, we serve the living God!

The dead do not praise the Lord,
Nor any who go down into silence.
But we will bless the Lord
From this time forth and forevermore.

Praise the Lord!

-Amy

Strong Relationships, Part 4

If you missed the first three parts, or need a refresher, read them here: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. Enjoy this final post!

Some last thoughts that I wish to share with you young mamas:

“Let love be without hypocrisy” (Romans 12:9). I have been asking myself where my love for God, husband, children is hypocritical… where I say I love but act in unloving ways. As my pastor said in his sermon Sunday, children can smell hypocrisy a mile away.

There is much truth in the quote from Nancy Deigh LeMoss that “anything that makes me aware of my need for God is a blessing.” Raising children makes one very aware of their need for the Lord! I have decided a good hallmark hymn for parenting could be: “I need Thee every hour!!”

Actively teach them what sin is, what to do when they sin, why Jesus is the only Savior and how to become a Christian. As with every question your child asks, when they ask you about the Lord and the truth of His Word, listen carefully, respond with direct and clear answers, and use Scripture to verify what you say. There are lots of good books to help you do this, like Leading Little Ones to God. This can be simple: When the kids were really little I read to them from a children’s Bible as they ate lunch in their high chair. Once we finished one Bible we started again with a new one.

Here are some basic principles that create security and build relationships with your child:

Train your children with appropriate boundaries and consequences and expect obedience, but do not expect behavior that is beyond his or her capabilities. Punish disobedience with appropriate measures, but never in anger.

Seek consistency. Speak with kindness and in all other areas seek to model those attributes that you want them to emulate. Desire to live what you teach.

Now our kids are 25, 23 and 20 and we still have these conversations. It’s a lot easier to begin humble and honest conversation when they are young and the topics aren’t so heavy. When you do so, you all develop confidence and practice to know that home/parents are a safe place to dialogue about real issues.

Be slow to speak, quick to hear, slow to become angry. Don’t lecture. Listen well, ask good questions to draw them out, pray…and THEN speak. Try not to overspeak! Kids will eventually tune you out. But if they learn that when they come to you they will receive a calm and thoughtful response, and appropriate discipline - with the goal toward discipleship training and not to punish - from a humble parent who is aware of their own sin struggles, they are more likely to come to you because they’ve learned you really care. And you won’t freak out! 

                “At every family table there is sure to be talking; and the talk that is heard at the family table is sure to have its part in a child’s training, whether the parents wish it to be so or not. … In order to make table-talk valuable, parents must have something to talk about at the table, must be willing to talk about it there, and must have the children lovingly in mind as they do their table talking” (JC Ryle).

Build traditions: What makes you a *insert last name*? Use from each of your families, but make your own as well. This will knit your family together. 

We don’t make it our ultimate goal to have relationships with our children, or to please them. Rather, our ultimate goal should always be to walk in obedience to the Lord and please Him with the way that we love and train our children. There are certainly no guarantees with parenting, but as we walk in obedience to His truth, leading our little ones to God, teaching them about Himself and His ways, we have confidence in our purpose and peace in our hearts.

This is such a tender area and one that I feel deeply about — a mother having relationships with her children. Every mama’s heart cries out for this. This is an important goal but can never be an ultimate goal: that will lead to idolatry (putting your children over the Lord, disappointment - when they don’t need us or disappoint us; it can cause us to put them ahead of the priority of our husband, walking in disobedience to God and to the detriment of our marriage).

My husband and I came into parenthood with a strong desire to break some of the negative patterns that we had grown up with and a commitment to ask questions, read and learn together as we sought to form new patterns for our family. We were committed to one another and to a desire to raise our children in a loving home where they had the opportunity to know the Lord… but a lot of the specific how to’s, we had to learn as we went!

As you know, success in parenting isn’t about perfection. If it was, we would all be doomed! There is only one perfect parent, and that’s our Heavenly Father. He is the One we look to as we parent.

As you seek this good goal (tying heart strings with your children that will last), remember to keep these four priorities in the order the Lord has placed them according to scripture. Remember that He is faithful, and He desires for you to have a beautiful, God-honoring, life-long friendship with your child that will last into their adult years.   

Many thanks to this anonymous, wise mother for sharing her wisdom with us!