God Knows

Nothing about me is hidden from you!
I was secretly woven together deep in the earth below, but with your own eyes you saw my body being formed.
Even before I was born, you had written in your book everything I would do.

Psalm 139:15-16 CEV

Do you ever feel like God has stepped out for a minute and isn’t paying attention? Or, perhaps it seems like a long time since you’ve “heard” from Him. Could it be that the subtle messages He’s sending are hidden in plain sight? Sometimes life is so distracting and overwhelming that we miss those little icons of hope and guidance God leaves for us in the chaos.

Recently, just after New Year’s, we went to Disney World with our two adult sons. It was the first time we had all been together at Disney since they were teenagers. The Holiday crowds had not left. There was hardly enough air to breathe let alone space to walk. Lines were long, rides broke down and we were feeling, well, not as happy as the happiest place on earth should make you feel. We did have fun, even waiting in line, playing trivia games and laughing way too loud. We were the crazy, joyful family that people rolled their eyes at but secretly wanted to join. Still, after the third time of standing in line for an hour only to have the ride break down and have to leave, we were discouraged. Then, I found Mickey. All the times I had visited in the past I never noticed the little Mickey symbols embedded in the most unlikely places. It was a sign to slow down and enjoy the little things they had to offer.

Walt Disney is no match for God’s creativity. He too leaves us signs of His thoughtfulness and attention to detail. When I am looking for Him in the everyday, expecting Him to show up in unlikely places, I see Him so clearly. Just last week I had several God symbols placed strategically in my path at the “right” time. On three different occasions God led me to a scripture passage or topic and reinforced the message through odd encounters that no one could have planned but God.

First, after preparing to teach a women’s Bible study on sexual purity, I searched for an audio teaching on the topic for more insight. I was on my way to the gym and wanted something quick. No luck. So, I hopped in the car and turned on the Christian radio station. David Jeremiah was on, which was odd because his program should have ended fifteen minutes earlier. Also surprising was the topic. He was teaching from Proverbs on sexual purity using the very same verses I just studied! In the same way the Mickey on the manhole cover revealed Walt Disney’s genius, God was showing me He was the master of detail. God knew what I needed to hear. He also knew I would miss it if He didn’t change the timing. The programming was off by fifteen minutes but God wasn’t! Okay, it’s not quite like “making the sun stand still,” but can I get a “wow?” Yes, He could have ushered me out to the car earlier but He chose to make it obvious, like the Mickey symbol I had never noticed before. So clear. So cool.

The second “God symbol” was in Acts, chapter one. (I’m reading the Bible chronologically and this is where I happened to be that day.) Again, while driving, I turned on the radio and heard Chuck Swindoll reading from Acts, chapter one, preaching about Jesus’ ascension. His focus was on the joy the disciples felt after Jesus ascended, verses the depression they felt after His death. They understood the big picture. Their eyes were opened and they were filled with joy. They knew they had a job to do and they had a promise. None of this occurred to me that morning. I had failed to meditate on the word, even though I read it. But, God had more for me.

I discovered the last “God symbol” after having lunch with a friend who was navigating conflict with friends. She had been rejected by two friends in the same day. The two incidents were unrelated and not her fault. No grace, no love, just yuck. Ouch! After encouraging her and sharing what I knew from life and God’s Word about healthy, Godly friendships, I went home. As I was preparing dinner that night I decided to listen to the In Touch podcast by Charles Stanley. Guess what? The program was called Right Relationships! Stanley talked about how Jesus is our perfect friend but He made us for relationship. Then he went on to share what a healthy, Godly friendship looks like. He quoted Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times.” I quickly sent the link to my friend and thanked God for His ever-present help.

Imagine, everywhere you go and everything you do, God is a part of your journey. God revealed so many wonderful truths to me in a very short period of time but the over-arching truth–the aha moment– is that God is with me! He is my intimate friend. He guides me and loves me through His Word, His Spirit and through other people. He makes Himself known in miraculous ways, proving that He is real, loving and knows our name. My friend, God is Good. God loves His children. God is intimately involved in our lives. God is always with you. God’s timing is perfect. God knows…you.

But God has revealed it to us by the Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.
1 Corinthians 2:10

Originally written and published by Marlene McKenna of havhope. Used with permission.

Do You Regret Having Children?

A recent article in the New York Post highlights a Facebook group entitled "I Regret Having Children." The online group is a place for moms to share their regret without shame. The comments range from the typical grumblings that I think most parents utter when they’re tired to very strong lament and ideation of leaving one’s children behind in pursuit of the life she lost:

It’s not me. I miss my old life so much I just feel like walking out and leaving my husband and son.

I’m desperately sad. I love my children very much but I preferred life before and I want it back.

I’m just a frazzled mess all the time with no confidence. I wake up and cry knowing it’s just another day of dealing with crying arguing whiny children.

Since having them I’ve become increasingly bitter, depressed and angry. 

All parents at one time or another have looked longingly back at the days before they had kids and marveled at the freedom and productivity they once possessed. When tending to a fussy baby in the middle of the night, it’s normal to realize that your pre-parent life was a lot easier. But what leads to regret year after year? What causes some moms to never stop wishing their children away? And how can we help?  

Based on my years in women’s ministry, the many hours my husband and I have spent counseling couples, and—let me be honest—hard looks into my own selfish heart, I can see four primary reasons today’s parents live with regret:

1.  Seeking fulfillment in the wrong place

Regret is not unique to parenthood. People regret taking jobs, getting married, and even going into ministry. When we seek ultimate fulfillment in temporary roles and things, we are disappointed. While these things may indeed provide good gifts, they will never fully satisfy our hearts. 

It is in God alone that we find deep, lasting fulfillment. Scripture tells us that, “In your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11) and “Jesus said to them, ‘I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst’” (John 6:35).  The New City Catechism reminds us that God is our creator and he made us to “know him, love him, live with him, and glorify him. And it is right that we who were created by God should live to his glory.” 

In our consumer-driven culture we are persuaded daily that joy will come when we get married, get the new car, move into the bigger house, have a baby, and carry the latest designer baby bag. Our flesh wants cheap satisfaction in the things of this world—but if we seek ultimate fulfillment in any role other than being created by God for his glory, we will be disappointed and have regret. 

2.  The idol of autonomy 

At this moment in human history, it could be argued that the right to self-determination is the highest value of western civilization. Our quest for autonomy is insatiable. We have laws and cultural norms that deem any boundaries or hindrance on one’s human freedom to be outdated and oppressive. This cultural mood of “I can be who I want to be and no one can tell me otherwise” leaks into all of our relationships, including parenting. These messages so permeate our surroundings that when anything hinders our freedom we cry foul. And so it is with children. 

3.  Imbalanced societal views of career and roles inside the home

As a woman and mom of four daughters, I see messages daily that say a women’s worth is equal to her ability to be as male as possible.  Alastair Roberts rightly says, “our culture perceives the ‘potential’ of women largely in terms of their liberation from their nature, rather than in their flourishing within the inherent directionality and order of that nature.” Women are considered oppressed if they bear children and mother them. Our society seeks to liberate us, giving us the choice to do away with our babies, so that we may thrive in a successful career outside the home. Women’s liberation is actually the “manning” of women, as Roberts says.  And so, the natural role of mother is devalued and women feel this when they stay home to parent. We feel less successful, less important, less useful, less than all the other roles society tells us to pursue. 

4.  Lack of community

A final contributing factor to women (and men) regretting having children is that we live in isolation. It is common knowledge that communal living is largely missing from western society and it is to our detriment. A Psychology Today article confirms, “One of the most destructive problems is the breakdown of community, and it is this breakdown that has often led to the breakdown of persons. Though we may put many around us, we are alone. Relationships have become superficial, there is no longer concern for the other, and we are pressed by societal and financial pressures to focus on our own survival.”  

Moms who regret having children walk through their disappointment alone. We no longer chat with each other over the fence or on the front porch. We isolate ourselves in our homes and apartments and suffer alone—often medicating our pain with drugs and alcohol. Moms don’t have friends with whom they can share their authentic discouragement. We use social media to put our best foot forward and don’t lean on our neighbors when we need help. Alone, our regret festers. 

How can we respond? 

1.  Renew our minds

As we experience regret and disappointment we must first renew our own minds. Dissatisfaction is not unique to moms—it is shared by all of us who live in a fallen world. We must fight for joy, rehearsing to ourselves the truth about the source of our joy and the purpose of our lives. Right thinking does not come naturally. Rather we must “not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:2). When marriage, jobs, material possessions, people, and even parenting do not deliver the on the promises we thought they would, it’s crucial that we recall that God “satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things” (Psalm 107:9). He will help us. He will fill us. He will meet us in our regret.

2.  Create community

Reaching out to others and creating community right where we are will not only minister to our own souls, but to others as well. The Apostle Paul knew this and therefore instructs us to “seek to show hospitality” (Romans 12:13). Building bridges, bearing one another’s burdens, sharing meals, and finding the commonalities between us works wonders in the human heart. The Psychology Today article referenced above says, “So if we are to truly be alive, to truly move beyond surviving to thriving, if we are to truly be human beings rather than alienated beings or drugged zombies, then we are going to need to return to the sense of community, to lay aside the barriers, and to be able to realize our common humanity.”  

If you are a Christian mom, I strongly encourage you to be on the lookout for other moms who seem to be alone. Pay attention to the other women at the park, or in the gymnastics waiting room, or in the elementary school pickup line. I think it’s safe to say that we often appear to have it all together, while inwardly we’d all love to share our joys and sorrows with a friend. I’ve lived back in the States now for 18 months and I can truly say that all of my new friendships began with a shy smile and a warm hello. As humans we long for connection. 

Lastly, consider starting a women’s Bible study in your home. This may seem too high a calling or perhaps out of left field. But after leading women’s Bible studies almost every single week for the last 17 years, I can tell you that there’s no better venue for meeting both the felt needs and the spiritual needs of women in your community. The necessary ingredients are easier to come by than you may think: a space to gather, a place for the kids to play while the moms talk, some coffee and a snack, a DVD player and TV to show a Bible lesson provided by a gifted Bible teacher, and an empathetic and welcoming hostess.

As of this moment in American society, it is still acceptable for a Christian woman to invite a non-Christian woman to Bible study. Having recently lived in an atheist country, I know firsthand that’s not the case around the world. However, right now in the States, one girlfriend can still invite another to come read the Bible with her and some other ladies and it’s likely to go very well. What I have seen time and time again is a believing woman invite a non-believing woman to Bible study and the new attendee is met with warmth and encouragement and new friends who “get” her station in life. This welcoming atmosphere is unlike any other she has experienced and she soon wakes up to her spiritual depravity. One thing leads to another and this new friend meets Jesus, refocuses her longings and energies, and finds true joy where she once had deep pain. I’ve seen it happen so many times.  

May we take advantage of this moment in our culture and “walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time” (Colossians 4:5). Women who regret having children need not persist in their isolation and despair. We have the antidote and we have the calling and the privilege to share it.

Originally written and published by Jen Oshman: wife, mom of four girls, missionary, writer. Used with permission.

Self-Help or Freedom?

So how good are we?

"The fool has said in his heart,

'There is no God.'

They are corrupt, and have done abominable iniquity;

There is none who does good.

God looks down from heaven upon the children of men,

To see if there are any who understand, who seek God.

Every one of them has turned aside;

They have together become corrupt;

There is none who does good,

No, not one."

Psalm 53:1-3

"...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

Romans 3:23

According to Scripture, none of us is good! HOWEVER:

"Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever."

Psalm 18:1

"Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God; Your Spirit is good. Lead me in the land of uprightness."

Psalm 143:10

God is good! Salvation in Jesus Christ means we are covered by His righteousness and freed from bondage to sin:

"For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin."

Romans 6:5-7

Hallelujah! Freedom from sin means we can do good; because of His power and by His grace, we can do good.

Does that look like self-help to you?

Nope. It's a whole lot more substantial and freeing, friends.

Written by Amy Parsons.

Making Time for Word-Filled Ministry

Question: How can we make time for word-filled ministry in the midst of our busy lives? 

Answer: First of all, there is plenty of grace for busy seasons of life. The needs of our families and churches and jobs ebb and flow and sometimes we’re consumed by different projects or newborn babies. Every season is unique in regard to how much time we have available to study the Word. 

With that said, however, if we desire to grow in our Christian faith or if we are women in Christian leadership, then we must strive and exert ourselves to prioritize Bible study. Spiritual maturity will not happen on the margins of life. Further, leaders must be prepared and out ahead of those whom they serve—not to be puffed up or perfect by any means, but leaders lead and they are, by definition, ahead. 

1. Whether you and I are single, married, or moms, of first importance is making some foundational and difficult decisions about how we’re going to spend ourselves—our time, our energy, our money, and more. It’s helpful to think ahead a decade or 30 or 50 years. What kind of woman and Christ-follower do you want to be? What will it take to get there? 

If we endeavor to know Christ deeply, then we must make time for study. In the US, we have so many options for how we might spend our time—sports, clubs, hobbies, good causes, and on and on. Buffets of options abound and if we want to stay sane, healthy, and not burned out, we must choose wisely. My encouragement to singles and families alike is to limit your activities to just one or two (or whatever number is necessary) so that you can make space for plenty of time at home to be still and in the scriptures.

2. After we’ve setup some strict boundaries about how we’re going to spend our lives, we must make the most of the opportunities we do have to get into the Word. 

For personal absorption during an especially taxing season (new baby, geographic transition, new job), I find it helpful to not only read the Bible, but to also listen to it. I like the ESV Bible app and listening to Scripture set to songs, such as Hidden In My Heart or Seeds Family Worship. Why not let the Word of God dwell in you while you’re driving or cleaning or putting the kids to bed?

If you’re finding it hard to do Bible study because you have kids, consider doing it with them. Teaching your kids is a great way to get the Word into yourself. Take time to share Bible stories or read chunks of scripture together at meals, bedtime, or snack time after school. Some helpful resources are The Bible Project, Big Truths for Young Hearts: Teaching and Learning the Greatness of God, The Radical Book for Kids: Exploring the Roots and Shoots of Faith, The New City Catechism: 52 Questions and Answers for Our Hearts and Minds, and Exploring the Bible: A Bible Reading Plan for Kids. 

If you’re tempted to skip personal Bible study altogether because you feel overwhelmed, look for ways to integrate at least small portions of Scripture into your day—everyday doesn’t have to be an in-depth, inductive day! 

Other helpful tools include podcasts such as RisenMotherhood, Help Me Teach The Bible with Nancy Guthrie, Revive Our Hearts, or Flower Mound Women’s Bible Study. Or look for Bible study workbooks you can do alone or with a group. Or simply grab a friend and read a chapter together, share reflections, and pray together. 

3. For those who teach/facilitate Word-filled women’s ministry, we really must put in the time for our own study. We have to do whatever it takes to make it happen! Ignore the house, put on a video for the kids, buy frozen pizza. As leaders we cannot compromise on this. Or, simply, as women of God, there really are no shortcuts for meditating on the Word and letting it dwell in us richly. 

4. Hosting is, in my experience, the best way to stay consistent, year in and year out. If you host women’s Bible study in your own home, then you will never miss it! If ladies are coming to your home and expecting you to lead, you will be prepared! It works like a charm. 

5. Let’s be human and walk in our finiteness. Take a Sabbath. Get good sleep. Cut other things out of life to make room for the Word (rather than cut the Word out to make time for the other things). In the end, we really will do that which we want to do. 

6. Finally, let’s pray that God would increase our desire for his Word! During dry seasons I myself have prayed, Lord, you know I just don’t feel like reading your Word today (or abiding in you or praying to you, etc). I feel lazy/discouraged/distracted/whatever. Please help me want to want to draw near to you. Amen. 

May you and I remember that we toil to make Christ known with all his energy in us (Colossians 1:28-29). For we are God’s workmanship, created in Jesus for good works, so let’s walk in them (Ephesians 2:10).

Originally written by Jen Oshman: wife, mom of four girls, missionary, writer. Used with permission.