Preferring Infertility: How We Worship the Queen of Heaven

If you have more than two children, likely someone has asked you one of the more embarrassing and awkward questions: “Don’t you know what causes those?”

At times I’ve wanted to answer, “No. Would you be willing to explain it to me?” But the truth is, as a mother of five living children and one that died in my womb, I do know what causes those little humans to exist. Just like I know what caused the person who asks such a question to exist. God does.

Often it isn’t the children themselves that bother onlookers, but the impracticality of having so many that gets under their skin. They want to know if the kids share rooms, what the grocery bill is like, how we plan to manage college, and most importantly, why we would subject ourselves to so much work.

Queen of Heaven

The people of Judah were just as practical and pragmatic concerning children as people of today, but in an opposite, though just as idolatrous, way. The book of Jeremiah has some terrifying words for them. Jeremiah, God’s chosen prophet, warns them over and over of their evil ways, but they are undisturbed. They defy his warnings,

“As for the word that you have spoken to us in the name of the Lord, we will not listen to you. But we will do everything that we have vowed, make offerings to the queen of heaven and pour out drink offerings to her, as we did, both we and our fathers, our kings and our officials, in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem. For then we had plenty of food, and prospered, and saw no disaster.” (Jeremiah 44:16–17)

The queen of heaven — that nonexistent goddess of fertility and love on whom God’s people had set their hearts — was requiring offerings. What did she desire aside from their complete devotion? Drink offerings and fancy cakes with her face on them. The Lord called such idolatry and sacrifices an abomination (Jeremiah 44:4).

Elective Infertility

“What must God think of a society that has made child sacrifice normal for the sake of elective infertility?”

Picturing the women of Judah foolishly and sinfully baking cakes for their female fertility idol (Jeremiah 44:19) ought to stir our hearts and have us wondering where the finger should be pointed. If sacrifices of drinks and cakes to a false goddess of fertility kindled the Lord’s anger to the point that he forbade Jeremiah to pray for the people (Jeremiah 7:16), then what must God think of a society that has made child sacrifice normal for the sake of elective infertility?

What must he think of a society that goes to such great lengths to do away with children, only to go great lengths to acquire other children when the time is right?

Many worship the false queen of heaven in her cloak of personal autonomy. The people of Judah were manipulating this false fertility queen to obtain offspring, to prosper, and for love. Today, we manipulate a similar queen, the queen of elective infertility, in order to prosper, and for love, and to wipe out offspring. Should we be surprised that so many prayers go unanswered while babies are torn apart or rinsed down the sink or acquired for selfish motives?

We’ve rejected the God who opens and closes the womb in favor of a goddess who shreds it.

When False Gods Work

What may hit closer to home in Jeremiah’s warnings is the sin of pragmatism. It’s a sin that is as common as leaves in the fall or snow at a Minnesota Christmas. Why won’t they listen to Jeremiah? Why do they continue to worship the queen of heaven? Simple. The idol worship is working for them.

Why won’t we forsake greed? Simple. It gets us what we want. Why won’t we say no to porn? Simple. The porn is working out fine and the marriage is no worse for the wear at the moment. Why are we content to ignore our Bibles for a week or a month? Easy. Nothing bad happened the last time we did it. Why do we lie and cut corners at work? Because we’ve been doing it for ages and we still got the year-end bonus and maintain a two-car garage. Why aren’t we bothered by baby killing? Easy. It doesn’t immediately impact our lives.

We are an immediate-cause-and-effect people, desiring practical, expedient solutions to feed our selfishness. We can’t conceive that what is working out so great now could eventually lead to things working out horribly later. And that is a great sin indeed, when we serve an eternally holy God redeeming a forever people who are to be like him.

Men Applauding Murder

As long as we’re dwelling on hard, uncomfortable facts, we should notice that the women of Judah were the initiators of this idol worship. But they didn’t act alone. The men looked on approvingly.

The women said, “When we made offerings to the queen of heaven and poured out drink offerings to her, was it without our husbands’ approval that we made cakes for her bearing her image and poured out drink offerings to her?” (Jeremiah 44:19)

The men commended the women in their folly and treachery, just as many men today commend the women who make it their life’s work to keep abortion “safe and legal” — a euphemism for “deadly and against God’s holy law.” And, perhaps less disgusting to us, there are Christian men who commend the pragmatism of doing what works over doing what God’s word says should be done.

“We’ve rejected the God who opens and closes the womb in favor of a goddess who shreds it.”

The irony is that in worshiping the queen of heaven, the men of Judah are actually doing wrong by their wives. They had the authority and opportunity to steer them in a different direction, but they approved of the evil instead. It’s a lot easier to let your wife wander down the road of sin if everything seems to be working out okay, than to step in and take responsibility. Allegiance to God that outweighs allegiance to a wife would cost something: time, energy, and approval.

Bow to the King of Heaven

Thankfully, Jeremiah himself offers the solution to this tangle of sin and treachery and abomination. The antidote to healing the wound lightly (Jeremiah 6:14), which just means healing it superficially, is found in Jeremiah 6:16:

Thus says the Lord: “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls.”

Jeremiah reminded the people that obeying God and his law was good for them. It was meant to give them rest. Yet, this isn’t good news for a people who have no heart to obey. What do we do when we can’t seem to walk in the way? What do we do when we see the ancient paths, but they look unappealing to us — too costly and very impractical?

We throw ourselves on the mercy of Jesus who is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). We remember that he kept every bit of the law on our behalf, declaring us righteous, and now teaches us to obey as he did. We remember that we only find our life when we lose it — that Christ turns pragmatism on its head. His is the most ancient path, for “he is before all things” (Colossians 1:17). Only in Jesus is there rest for our souls (Matthew 11:29).

And we can draw encouragement from Judah, God’s wayward people. God took them through some dark days. There were dire consequences for their sin (see the book of Lamentations). But in the end, he preserved a remnant. In the end, this disobedient, treacherous people were the very people from whom our Savior would come. That’s a word of hope to anyone who is now bowing the knee to the queen of heaven, whether by conviction or pragmatism.

Originally written by Abigail Dodds for Desiring God. Used with permission.

What Moulds Us

"It is not the thing on which we spend the most time that moulds us, but the thing that exerts the greatest power. Five minutes with God and His Word is worth more than all the rest of the day."

- Oswald Chambers

Wise Children

Recently I read a popular book that’s been pretty controversial. As I read through it I found some good points and thoughts from the author, as well as many statements that didn’t align with Scripture. In fact, there were quite a few things the author claimed as truth that simply aren’t.

But the book is well-written, and some false statements are close enough to being correct that they sound good. It got me thinking about how my kids will process the information they read and hear.

How will they know what’s accurate and what’s not? How will they avoid lies and things that will lead them in the wrong direction?

Many times parents and other well-meaning adults try to control every aspect of a child’s life. We try to shelter our kids from bad things, from lies, from things that will lead them astray. Certainly there is wisdom in that to some degree, but there also can be danger in trying to control so much.

Though my kids are young and I don’t have the experience of others, I have seen a method that works and is Biblical. Instead of trying to oversee everything related to your children, give them the tools to do it themselves. To weigh pros and cons, to determine whether something is right or wrong, to ask questions and come to reasonable conclusions.

We can teach our children how to figure things out for themselves. It may sound tedious, and I’m sure at times it is -- but their foundation on the Word of God is essential. They need to know His Word just as we do.

In our own lives, we strive to learn and grow in Christ, do we not? How do we do that apart from knowing Him through Scripture? (Answer: we don’t.)

So just as we learn how to navigate life and obstacles through God’s Word, we ought to do the same with our kids. Teach them Scripture, and teach them what the verses mean. Have them memorize it and hide it in their hearts, so that they can refer to it and understand the depth of its meaning over time. I am a testimony to this; I memorized Scripture in kindergarten that has stuck with me since, and over the years I have learned more about what those passages mean. Just because they don’t understand it at age 4 doesn’t mean it’s not worth memorizing.

When your kids have questions about things from their day, things they read or hear or see, enter into their world. Talk about it. Work it through with them. Help them get from A to B mentally, but don’t do it all for them. If you can be the assistant while they learn the decision-making and how to implement wisdom, they will be equipped to do it on their own later.

I don’t know about you, but having children who are capable of keeping a solid head on their shoulders and the Lord as the leader of their steps sounds like an incredible gift. Ask the Lord for wisdom and guidance to teach your kids, and be diligent to do the work. The outcome isn’t guaranteed, but ladies, as Christians we have the responsibility of raising our children in the way of the Lord. It’s never too early to be serious about doing so!

Written by Amy Parsons.

Hope is not Named Boaz

Some things feel too vulnerable to share.

And while I’d prefer to keep the deepest layers of my heart tucked safely in, sometimes we just need the relief of realizing that someone else walking a similar path has experienced the same emotions and reactions we’re experiencing.

So while it feels a bit risky, it’s worth it if it lifts another sister up, redirects our heart and helps us live where we are and love where we are.

Because I was caught off guard at how soon after Dan’s death I became obsessed with remarrying.

I don’t use that word lightly. It preoccupied my waking moments and became the longing of my broken heart.

When I read grief books by other widows, I’d flip to the last chapter to see if she had remarried. How long had she waited? How had they met? Was she happy?

God, please don’t make me wait ten years, I’d pray.

I had loved Dan deeply. And I had loved being married.

But oh, the conflict.

I’d steal glances at ring fingers and become simultaneously horrified at the possibility of even making eye contact.

I was madly in love with Dan and desperately wanting to remarry.

Even in the rawest ache of grief, my mind churned with when, where, how and who God might bring into my life. For more than 20 years, my heart had been given to one man. And I missed it.

Wait for your Boaz.

It’s the heart cry for the single Christian girl waiting on a godly man.

When you’re suddenly thrust into the club of young widows, the possibility of a Boaz holds out bright hope.

I’m sure it’s the same for my other single sisters.

When friend after friend gets engaged, part of you celebrates wildly while the other part wonders when your Boaz is gonna show up.

When you’ve gone through the nightmare of rejection and betrayal, you dream of a Boaz who will love, honor and cherish you.

Wait for your Boaz.

The story of Ruth spells hope for every single girl, every widow, every woman who’s heart has been crushed.

It feels like God tucked the best love story ever into the Bible just so we’d know it can happen.

And happen better than any Nicholas Sparks novel.

Ruth was a young woman in Moab who married into a Hebrew family. Elimelech, Naomi and their two sons left their hometown of Bethlehem and migrated to next door Moab when famine hit. Their sons married Moabite women – one named Orpah and the other Ruth.

That’s when the bottom dropped out. First patriarch Elimelech died and then – unbelievably – both sons. Naomi was left without husband, without sons, and both Orpah and Ruth became young widows. In ancient times, this was beyond heartbreak. This was desolation.

In deep grief, Naomi was hopeless. She could offer nothing to her daughters-in-law. She’d go empty and bitter back to Bethlehem. Orpah returned to her Moabite family and Ruth alone vowed to go with Naomi.

But not because of Boaz. It was never Boaz that made Ruth move forward in faith. Ruth had never heard the name. She didn’t know Boaz existed. She wasn’t going to Bethlehem for Boaz or even for a Boaz.

Ruth’s longing was not for Boaz, but for God.

“Your people will be my people and your God my God.” Ruth 1:16

Ruth could move forward into her bleak and empty future because she placed her hope in God.

And this is where the violins cue to fortissimo. Ruth found provision as she gleaned in the fields, protection as she gleaned from Boaz’s fields and then full out prosperity as Boaz redeemed his right of kinship and took her as his wife. The book ends as Boaz and Ruth have a child, whose grandson would one day be King David.

All the satisfying sighs as they lived happily ever after.

Because isn’t that what we single girls want? We desperately long to live happily ever after with our own Boaz.

So often we look at the book of Ruth and think, Yes! God can do the impossible. He can bring a wonderful, godly, successful man to my life. Look — it happened to Ruth! And it can happen to me, too.

So we join the singles class at church and scour the e-dating site and begin to view every event as the ONE possibility that will introduce us to our Boaz.

I’m not knocking the singles classes at church or e-dating sites.

But we’ve read into Ruth a message that God doesn’t give.

Because the hero in the book of Ruth is not Boaz.

The hero in the book of Ruth is God.

Ruth sought God, not Boaz, with her whole heart. Ruth trusted God, not Boaz, with her whole heart. Ruth went to Bethlehem for God, not Boaz.

It was God who provided for Ruth.
It was God who protected Ruth.
And it was God who prospered Ruth.

I realized a long time ago that I had to deal with my own longing for Boaz. It was taking up valuable soul space, misdirecting my hope and healing.

God is my hero. God alone can give me hope, ease the raw ache of my broken heart and prosper me to live well where I am, and to love well where I am.

I had to long for God alone.

I’d like to say it was easy to lay it down. But it was an over and over again process of giving my heart, my hurt and every hope to God and trusting him. Over time, my preoccupation to remarry began to fall away. I still have dreams tucked in close, but they don’t redirect my heart.

God is my Boaz. And he’s yours, too.

Originally written by Lisa Appelo of True & Faithful. Used with permission.