I Can't Keep Going Like This

Is it me or has the struggle been even more real lately?

Every where I turn someone’s marriage is shattered. Not struggling. I mean shattered.

Or someone’s child committed suicide.

The diagnosis was too much.

Our whole city is on fire. Literally.

Someone’s mama passed suddenly.

That wife is walking along side her husband as he suffers an illness.

There’s so much heavy my shoulders are just about too heavy for me to hold up.

The truth is, my shoulders have no business hanging on to those hurts.

The problem is I can’t seem to shove those burdens off. I hand them over to Jesus on Monday, but by the time Wednesday has rolled around I’m right back where I’ve started.

I made eye contact with those hurting, and I’ve heaped those hurts right back where they don’t belong.

Am I the only one who does this?

I work as an advocate for girls who have been trafficked or who are at risk of it. I was talking with someone recently about it and it occurred to me I’ve lived most of my life as an advocate in someway. All the way back to first grade when the shortest little boy in my class, Randy Bell, was being picked on. We don’t need to go into details, but let’s just say between my older brother holding the bully by the arms I was able to get in a few good punches. I handled it.

It think this is where my real struggle is. I keep trying to handle it. When others hurt, I went to jump in and help. To advocate. To give them the voice I’ve rarely struggled to find. Who wouldn’t jump in to help? That’s crazy. But there’s a big difference between a brother/sister elementary school gang teaching a bully a lesson and me insisting on carrying everyone’s burdens.

Because that feels a little more like I’m not trusting God to handle you. It’s as if I’m saying, “Lord, you don’t seem to be handling this. But don’t worry. I’ve got this.”

Do you think the angels sit around and giggle at us when we’re crazy? Like we laugh at our toddlers when they attempt to pick us up or climb the front of the refrigerator? Probably. I would. I imagine them tossing out a good-hearted chortle every time I try to take someone’s hurts on as my own. So here’s my new plan.

It’s not new really. It’s old. Or it’s the same. I’m going to do what Jesus asked his disciples to do in the garden. Just pray. He just asked them to pray. And when freedom comes, I’m going to rejoice. But until then, I’m going to pray. But maybe I could still wear a cape while doing it?

So let’s have it. How can I pray for you today?

Written for Strength & Song by Shontell Brewer.

From Fear to Peace: Three Truths to Fight Fear

I sat in my car as monsoon rains poured down on our little island in the East China Sea, while my husband was on the other side of the world, preaching at his mother’s funeral. 

A few years prior, ALS (also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease) set in, ravaging her young and vibrant body. 

I realized that the memorial service was just underway. Anguish forced its way up my throat and out, in body-shaking sobs. 

Fear and anxiety accompanied my grief. My mother in law’s life was ended not just by ALS, but actually by FALS—Familial ALS. Her father was also taken by it nine years prior. When she was diagnosed, we had the crushing realization that my husband has a 50% chance of having FALS. And if he does, then so do our children.

Currently, there is no treatment, cure, or prevention for ALS. Victims are captive to their bodies, which deteriorate while their minds stay healthy. After three to five years, they die from being unable to breathe or swallow. 

I didn’t just weep for the loss of my sweet mother-in-law, or for the sadness that my husband bore without me. I wept over the “what-ifs”. And I begged the Lord to not let them be so. 

From Grief to Fear

Five years later, the anxiety that arrived the day of her death still threatens to take hold. I can easily spiral into a frenzy of “what-ifs”. 

Grasping for reassurance, I’ve read the scientific research and the stories of other FALS-affected families. I’ve put my kids and husband through diets and regimens in hopes of staving off what can feel inevitable. I’ve wrung my hands and rechecked statistics. We even briefly considered genetic testing. 

Yet deep down I know what Christians need to do when they are afraid. We need to rest in the Lord himself. More than prevention, more than science, more than our best efforts—in the face of what could be, we need a peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7). And we need a renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2). Both are ours by God’s Spirit if we only seek him and ask. 

The Word of God and the Spirit of God stand ready to equip and empower believers in the battle against fear. Both are living and active. The Holy Spirit resides in us, giving us the strength and grace to fight our fears afresh each day. He also reminds us of truth when we wander into fear (John 14:26), helping us to wield the Word of God, our offensive weapon (Ephesians 6:17). 

From Fear to Peace: Three Truths to Fight Fear

I want to share with you three biblical truths God’s Spirit arms me with when I’m tempted to be afraid.

1. My life is not my own.

You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. (1 Corinthians 6:20)

When I surrendered to the Lord as a freshman in college, these words changed my whole perspective. I awakened to the reality that my life, my body, and my future did not actually belong to me. The Lord created me, and ransomed me with his precious blood; therefore, I belong to him and live for him (1 Peter 1:18-19).

In the years since then, Paul’s words inspired by God’s Spirit have sunk deeper into my soul: “For by him all things were created…through him and for him” (Colossians 1:16). My very existence is by God, through God, and for God. I am not untethered, required to conjure up my own meaning, purpose, and future. The Lord has already done that.

For the Lord is the one 

who made the world and everything in it… he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. And he made from one man every nation of mankind…having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. (Acts 17:24-27)

God himself determined when and where I would live. The Lord set me here in this very family with these genes, so that I may seek him and perhaps feel my way toward him and find him (Acts 17:27). 

May the the things that cause us to fear lead us to seek the Lord and find him.

2. God will never leave me nor forsake me.

“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)

The fact that God promised this gives me tremendous courage. My kids and I have memorized Psalm 46. Together we rehearse that “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (v.10, emphasis added). I know him who walks with me—that his character is good and trustworthy and sovereign.

And I know what he has already done for me in Christ: He was forsaken on my behalf, hung on a cross in my place, endured wrath from the Father for me. Because we know him and we trust these promises from him, we can face any future. 

Triumph in God’s promise to never leave or forsake you:

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

3. Even if…yet I will rejoice in the Lord.

Finally, I find rest from fear in the words of Habakkuk: 

Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength… (Habakkuk 3:17-19)  

Even if this dreaded disease visits us again—even if I am forced to walk through this particular valley of the shadow of death, I will rejoice in the Lord. 

We can rejoice precisely because he is the God of our salvation, because he has already given himself over to us. More than the gifts he gives, Jesus, the Giver, is our gift. Nothing—not sickness, not suffering, not loss—can separate us from this gift. 

Behold, All Things Will Be Made New

When I think back on that sad day, when my grief returns and fear threatens to well up within me, God’s Spirit reminds me that my life is not my own, that God will never leave me nor forsake me, and that even if the worst comes, I will be able to take joy in the God of my salvation. 

He is also the God who says, “Behold I am making all things new” (Revelation 21:5). God promises to those who have faith in Jesus Christ that, 

“He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:3-4)

One day soon, and then forever, ALS will be no more. Whatever you may fear—school shootings, car accidents, separation from loved ones, the loss of a child, extended suffering at the end of life—it will not remain. Perfect love will cast it all out. You and I will be with our Lord, and scary diagnoses and suffering will be no more.

Written by Jen Oshman. This article originally appeared here, at Unlocking the Bible. Shared with permission.

An Aching Womb: A Note From a Single Woman

As I picked up the limp, sleeping body of the sweet four-year-old girl, tears began to fill my eyes and I thought, “will this ever be my life?”

Those moments are few and far between for me, which is good, because I’m a nanny and if picking up a child always made me cry I would probably need to find a new career. The most recent occurrences have been while watching four specific kiddos. This has happened twice now, both times when I was putting the little girl to bed. One time she was awake, and another she’d fallen asleep early on the couch. Both times caught me by surprise, especially since in addition to being a nanny, I’ve been an aunt most of my life and serve in the kids ministry at my church, so it’s not like I’m not around kids often enough to be reminded I don’t have any. But there was something about tucking four kids into bed, in the style of house I’d love to own someday, that hit me in the feels. To you mamas, it probably feels extremely ordinary and maybe even a bit of a chore at times. No doubt there are times you look at your peacefully sleeping children and also get teary eyed; grateful, happy tears of love for the little life that’s been entrusted to you, but I’m sure other times you’re just exhausted and would love a break and for someone else to put the children to bed. But for me, someone who has always wanted to be a mom, it sometimes feels like a dream unfulfilled and withheld.

For the past year or so I’ve been wanting to do a Biblical word study on children, because I think we have such a selfish idea of them in this day and age. I look around at my own culture, and even among Christians, there seems to be a very self-centered approach to parenting. The emphasis is on what “we’ want, when “we” want, what “we” can afford, what “we” have the patience for, where “we” want to live, the vacations “we” want to take, the life “we” want to give our children. Children are seen as a blessing, (although the attitude for many seems to be, “as long as you don’t have more than four because that’s just ridiculous and irresponsible.”) but do we really consider them ordained by God and uniquely designed? Have we even entertained the thought of allowing God to determine how large our families grow to be? Or if we should also expand them through adoption? Before you freak out, this isn’t a post about birth-control and I’m not here to tell you you’re wrong if you are taking precautions, or if you aren’t pursuing adoption, but I am serious in posing those questions. Are these things you’ve surrendered to Christ -completely- and sense His peace and leading in your decisions? Or are they based only on your own wants and preferences? In a culture that puts so much value on education and careers and has increasingly diminished the sacrifice and beauty of stay-at-home moms, while turning their nose up at large families, have we begun to believe what the world says about children? Or do we remember and hold to what the Word says?

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them.” -Psalm 127:3-5

“Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me.” -Mark 9:37

“But Jesus called them to him, saying, ‘Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.’” -Luke 18:16

“He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!” -Psalm 113:9

“So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.” -1 Timothy 5:14

“And when Esau lifted up his eyes and saw the women and children, he said, ‘Who are these with you?’ Jacob said, ‘The children whom God has graciously given your servant.’” -Genesis 33:5

Psalm 139 highlights the intimacy with which God knows us, long before we are born. Science speaks to our miraculous being, through what we know about DNA and how each child is unique and reflects the specific egg and sperm connection. The same combination of sperm and egg can never repeat. Of course, you have multiples that can form from the same egg and sperm (which is another awesome miracle in of itself!), but aside from identical multiples, each unique set of DNA cannot repeat and an egg only gets one shot per month of teaming up with sperm to begin developing into a human. It’s so fascinating! It’s one of the biggest reasons I’m Pro-Life and why abortion breaks my heart. It’s part of why miscarriage, even at the earliest stages of pregnancy, is devastating. It’s not just a clump of cells that is lost, it’s a unique little person that the family will never get to hold, kiss, smell or know, this side of eternity.

Lately, I’ve been realizing that although my life isn’t going according to my plan, if I am going to have children they will be according to HIS plan; the children He has ordained for me to have. He is the giver of life, knows how many eggs I have in my ovaries, and exactly which ones, if any, will be fertilized. They would be knit together by Him, not me, in His perfect timing. His time frame is so much bigger than mine; He is the author of time. He is over time. I can trust Him with my life, dreams, and certainly my maternal clock.

Remember that when you look into the faces of your own little miracles. Maybe they were unplanned, maybe they didn’t come as soon as you’d hoped, but if they hadn’t come in the precise moment they did you never would’ve had them. Their DNA would’ve been discarded in your monthly cycle. All of the character traits that give them their attributes and personality would not be the exact same had you conceived a different egg, fertilized at a different time.

If you feel like you’re drowning in children, in over your head and questioning why God made you so fertile, remember: children are a blessing and God has been so incredibly gracious to entrust these miracles to your care. It’s hard, it’s overwhelming, it’s a lot - but it’s not too much. God doesn’t make mistakes, children aren’t accidents and His grace is sufficient.

Sometimes I put my hand over my physically and figuratively aching womb and ask God if it will ever hold a child. If this longing that’s been deep inside my bones for as long as I can remember will be fulfilled biologically, only through adoption, or if it was put their by God for a purpose other than my own motherhood. Maybe it was to have the passion to help other families, to nanny well or maybe even someday to have an orphanage. Whatever the long-term purpose, for now this passion is reminding you what a blessing children are and that being a mother is hard, beautiful, creative, biblical, sanctifying, messy, honorable, feminine, sacrificial, weighty, courageous and so worth it. I think we could all stand to be reminded of that.

Written for Strength & Song by Veronica Leguire. Veronica is a full-time nanny and prolife advocate who lives in Toledo, OH.

Fear, My News Feed, and Psalm 46

Anyone else feeling prone to panic these days? I watched CCN 10 (a 10-minute global news show for students) with my daughters this morning and it had my stomach in knots. The photos from the earthquake in Mexico were heart wrenching. The impending doom for Puerto Rico from Hurricane Maria was sickening. And the update on threats coming from Kim Jong-Un in North Korea was downright scary.  

These calamities and potential catastrophes feel close. I’m traveling to South America via Mexico this fall and the earthquake tempts me to consider staying home instead. I’ve been in enough earthquakes in Japan to feel paralyzed by the thought of going through more. And North Korea’s threat of an electromagnetic attack by detonating a nuclear bomb almost directly above Colorado has me feeling very vulnerable in the middle of this continent. Our planet’s current natural disasters and political unrest are almost too much. 

I am so thankful the girls and I memorized Psalm 46 last week. I can’t encourage you enough to do the same. Right now I need the power of God’s words in this Psalm to re-center me in the face of fear. Without the constant reminders of his power and protection, readily available in my stream of consciousness, I would be tempted to despair.  

And not only that, but my kids are looking to me for how they should respond to the news, as well. Their eyes go from the screen to my face and back with each story. They want to see how I’m processing what I’m seeing—how I handle it. I need to be ready to respond with the Word of God for their sakes and mine. Neither their hope nor mine will be satisfied in geography, or diplomacy, or statistics. I want our hope, our refuge, our strength to be in God alone. 

As we pour over Psalm 46 we can see Mexico in verse 2. We can see Puerto Rico in verse 3. We can see North Korea in verse 6. And we can see the Lord our God in verses 7-11. We can turn our sights on history and “behold the works of the Lord.”  We can remind ourselves with each news reel that when the Lord “utters his voice, the earth melts.” 

No matter what comes, our God will be exalted in the nations. He is over all the Earth. And we have the City of God (verse 4) to look forward to! This world is not the end of the story. Come what may, we Christians will indeed join the Most High in his holy habitation.  

Like Peter instructed the early church, I want to “set [my] hope fully on the grace that will be brought to [us] at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:13).  Jesus and his grace are my only hope. I want to tuck reminders of that hope in my mind and heart and freely transfer them to my daughters in times of uncertainty.  

Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength,

    a very present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,

    though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam,

    though the mountains tremble at its swelling. 

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

    the holy habitation of the Most High.

5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;

    God will help her when morning dawns.

6 The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;

    he utters his voice, the earth melts.

7 The Lord of hosts is with us;

    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

8 Come, behold the works of the Lord,

    how he has brought desolations on the earth.

9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;

    he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;

    he burns the chariots with fire.

10 “Be still, and know that I am God.

    I will be exalted among the nations,

    I will be exalted in the earth!”

11 The Lord of hosts is with us;

    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

You may enjoy meditating on this Psalm through song, as well. The famous hymn “A Mighty Fortress is our God” was written by Martin Luther in the 1500s and is based on the words of Psalm 46. With the 500th anniversary of the Reformation upon us next month, it would be a timely and life-giving anthem to have at the ready. Here is a helpful history of the hymn from Tim Challies and my favorite rendition of it by HeartSong at Cedarville University. 

Originally written and published by Jen Oshman. Used with permission.