Taught in the Quiet

It’s been quiet around here the last month. :)

I’m amazed at how much the Lord has taught me in these last few weeks. Seems like many of the things I *knew* in my head have been fleshed out, brought to life before me.

It has been so full.

Scaling back (significantly) on work beyond the home has left me with so much more. More time and energy, yes, but also more awareness. More availability. More creativity for what’s in front of me.

I tend to view all things in life from a dichotomist’s perspective - either/or, this or that, black or white. All or nothing. I do things to extremes, and over the years the Lord has so graciously been helping me gain balance. Pausing the Strength & Song magazine and routine emails has been another means of Him teaching me this. In time, those things may come back to my plate - but they will be much better balanced and the season will be more suitable.

Instead of using every naptime and much of my free time for work, I am more available for my family and community. And I’ll share a humbling fact - I think I’ve done more ministry in the last four weeks than I did in two years working. (It is hard to determine this, of course, because I don’t see the fruit of my labor when I’m producing emails and magazines. But this month has been so rich; you’ll see why.)

We’ve welcomed people over for dinner. I’ve sat on my couch with ladies from church as we cried out to the Lord on behalf of a friend. The kids have helped me make dinner for a sick friend, and came with me to deliver it. We’ve sat around the fire past bedtime with family, watching stars and kids who’d had too much sugar. We’ve had new friends over to play, a family who just moved back home after 10 years away. The kids and I have been in a morning Bible study, and my husband and I have joined an evening Bible study. We welcomed a desperate mom and her baby for a night while she made some life choices. We’ve had impromptu playdates with neighbors whose yard isn’t so flat.

It’s been full.

These things haven’t all happened at once, and I don’t share them to boast. I don’t have all the things we think are necessary to be hospitable - in fact, the only bed I had to offer our guest was the couch. Yet God has convicted me of the importance of living out my faith in my community. He’s convicted me of the need to actually know my community.

I don’t need to have the answers for everyone. I used to be fearful of my neighbors, fearful that I would say something that didn’t represent Christ well and fearful that I wouldn’t remember the right Bible verse for the moment. Growing up in a Christian home and Christian school and going to church regularly (all good!), I wasn’t sure how to interact with nonbelievers. What do you even talk about, if there’s no similarity of faith? What happens when they ask a question or make a statement contrary to His Word and you don’t have an answer or response?

What a weight I haven’t needed to carry. I have learned better the meaning of Luke 12:12:

Now when they bring you to the synagogues and magistrates and authorities, do not worry about how or what you should answer, or what you should say. For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.

He knows what our neighbors need and when they need it. My job is to be obedient to Him. Of course, that can still spark some fear (standing for Truth with nonbelievers is still a challenge sometimes!). But being obedient to Him is to love them well.

Living alongside other humans is messy. (I know, DUH.) It means riding the rollercoasters of emotions with them. It means joy in the morning and weeping at lunch and desperation at snacktime and contentment at dinner. (And yes, it also means days are often measured in terms of meals. There’s lots of food.) I’ve been learning too that riding the rollercoasters means you need to get good at leaving things with the Lord. If you keep it all in your grip, you obsess over problems and how to fix them and make everyone happy and guess what? Only God can satisfy. We do have limits to how far we can extend. He doesn’t. Hallelujah!

I’ve been taught in the quiet. It has been hard, and it has been wonderful. We have a Savior who steps into our mess, who loves us so deeply, who knows the answers to all of our needs. He is the answer to our need. And He fills us with His joy everlasting, He is truly amazing!

I have missed the regular emails and putting together magazines, it is still bittersweet to think of the fact that I’m not doing them right now. Yet this season has been so good, and I know I’m where the Lord wants me to be. I am so looking forward to how He continues to teach me and work in our family. If you need a push to slow down, scale back, or get outside your comfort zone in community… here it is. *Nudge*

Still praying for you, friends. May the Lord lead you and fill you with His joy.

-Amy

Strong Relationships, Part 4

If you missed the first three parts, or need a refresher, read them here: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. Enjoy this final post!

Some last thoughts that I wish to share with you young mamas:

“Let love be without hypocrisy” (Romans 12:9). I have been asking myself where my love for God, husband, children is hypocritical… where I say I love but act in unloving ways. As my pastor said in his sermon Sunday, children can smell hypocrisy a mile away.

There is much truth in the quote from Nancy Deigh LeMoss that “anything that makes me aware of my need for God is a blessing.” Raising children makes one very aware of their need for the Lord! I have decided a good hallmark hymn for parenting could be: “I need Thee every hour!!”

Actively teach them what sin is, what to do when they sin, why Jesus is the only Savior and how to become a Christian. As with every question your child asks, when they ask you about the Lord and the truth of His Word, listen carefully, respond with direct and clear answers, and use Scripture to verify what you say. There are lots of good books to help you do this, like Leading Little Ones to God. This can be simple: When the kids were really little I read to them from a children’s Bible as they ate lunch in their high chair. Once we finished one Bible we started again with a new one.

Here are some basic principles that create security and build relationships with your child:

Train your children with appropriate boundaries and consequences and expect obedience, but do not expect behavior that is beyond his or her capabilities. Punish disobedience with appropriate measures, but never in anger.

Seek consistency. Speak with kindness and in all other areas seek to model those attributes that you want them to emulate. Desire to live what you teach.

Now our kids are 25, 23 and 20 and we still have these conversations. It’s a lot easier to begin humble and honest conversation when they are young and the topics aren’t so heavy. When you do so, you all develop confidence and practice to know that home/parents are a safe place to dialogue about real issues.

Be slow to speak, quick to hear, slow to become angry. Don’t lecture. Listen well, ask good questions to draw them out, pray…and THEN speak. Try not to overspeak! Kids will eventually tune you out. But if they learn that when they come to you they will receive a calm and thoughtful response, and appropriate discipline - with the goal toward discipleship training and not to punish - from a humble parent who is aware of their own sin struggles, they are more likely to come to you because they’ve learned you really care. And you won’t freak out! 

                “At every family table there is sure to be talking; and the talk that is heard at the family table is sure to have its part in a child’s training, whether the parents wish it to be so or not. … In order to make table-talk valuable, parents must have something to talk about at the table, must be willing to talk about it there, and must have the children lovingly in mind as they do their table talking” (JC Ryle).

Build traditions: What makes you a *insert last name*? Use from each of your families, but make your own as well. This will knit your family together. 

We don’t make it our ultimate goal to have relationships with our children, or to please them. Rather, our ultimate goal should always be to walk in obedience to the Lord and please Him with the way that we love and train our children. There are certainly no guarantees with parenting, but as we walk in obedience to His truth, leading our little ones to God, teaching them about Himself and His ways, we have confidence in our purpose and peace in our hearts.

This is such a tender area and one that I feel deeply about — a mother having relationships with her children. Every mama’s heart cries out for this. This is an important goal but can never be an ultimate goal: that will lead to idolatry (putting your children over the Lord, disappointment - when they don’t need us or disappoint us; it can cause us to put them ahead of the priority of our husband, walking in disobedience to God and to the detriment of our marriage).

My husband and I came into parenthood with a strong desire to break some of the negative patterns that we had grown up with and a commitment to ask questions, read and learn together as we sought to form new patterns for our family. We were committed to one another and to a desire to raise our children in a loving home where they had the opportunity to know the Lord… but a lot of the specific how to’s, we had to learn as we went!

As you know, success in parenting isn’t about perfection. If it was, we would all be doomed! There is only one perfect parent, and that’s our Heavenly Father. He is the One we look to as we parent.

As you seek this good goal (tying heart strings with your children that will last), remember to keep these four priorities in the order the Lord has placed them according to scripture. Remember that He is faithful, and He desires for you to have a beautiful, God-honoring, life-long friendship with your child that will last into their adult years.   

Many thanks to this anonymous, wise mother for sharing her wisdom with us!

To Be Known

“Mama, Mama!”

“Moooommmmmmy!”

“Mamaaaa!”

There he is, that little cutie of mine. I saw him emerge from the sea of toddler- and baby faces, wearing a big smile and a nametag on his belly. His brother was not far behind, scooting past the other kids to get to the door.

From that room full of children, I know their voices. Amidst all the cries for mommies, there are two voices that will always make me look and pay attention. The voices of my own precious children, the little ones I know inside and out and would do anything for.

***

“… if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”

Romans 10:9

“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.”

Romans 8:15-17

“Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!”

1 John 3:1

“But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.”

John 1:12

“For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.”

Psalm 139:13-14

“‘I am the good shepherd; and I know My sheep, and am known by My own. As the Father knows Me, even so I know the Father; and I lay down My life for the sheep. … My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.’”

John 10:14-15, 27

***

I read through these verses, wondering. Does God know my voice like I know the voices of my children? Does He turn His attention to me when I call, when I ask a question or have something to say?

He is my Heavenly Father, the one who adopted me and calls me His own. I’m His child. He formed me; He knows me inside and out. He leads me as a shepherd leads his sheep, teaching me and guiding me gently. He knows me.

When I pray, does He hear me? He does. When I ask questions, does He hear me? Yes - and He provides me with adequate answers. He knows my voice, and He’s ever training me to know His better.

It boggles my mind, how God could have so many children and know each one of us so well. He doesn’t miss a beat, He never overlooks or forgets anything, He is always attentive to each of us. Desiring that we would know Him better, trust Him more, be fulfilled by Him.

Just as I know my own children so well, He knows me - and even better.

Isn’t it humbling? That He has adopted us, that He knows everything about us, and that He always seeks to keep our relationship with Him strong?

We are known by Him and loved by Him.

What a mighty, wonderful God we serve!

-Amy

Intentional Parenting

A few days ago I watched a short video on Facebook, and then saw a nasty, heartless comment from another woman. Social media is a breeding ground for nasty comments, of course; it shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did. I was taken aback by how sincerely hateful this woman was - she had pure evil purposed in her heart and made absolutely no apologies.

Raising kids in this world is scary. Sometimes I think, man, how are my kids going to go out into the world, into public places, and deal with these kinds of interactions? How are they going to handle all the evil? Will they know right and wrong and be able to stand their ground when they’re pushed? Will they make it, following Christ??

There’s no guarantee how our kids will turn out. But mamas (and dads!), we certainly have a whole lot of influence on them!

If we as Christian parents think that everything is up to chance, we are so mistaken. If we think that we can sail through parenting and let things happen as they happen, or do damage control later, we are so mistaken.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

God’s design is that we, Dad and Mom, be their primary teachers. We are the ones who establish prayer, reading Scripture, searching for God’s truth when we have questions. It’s not a bubble, keeping them from the world completely - but it is protection from some things as is age-appropriate. We walk them through each phase of their lives, until they are out of our homes and on their own. I sometimes envision that walk starting out with them being carried, then we hold hands, then lessen to holding hands sometimes. Then we walk beside, then stay a couple steps back - until they’re fully on their own.

We won’t parent perfectly, but may we be intentional! May we not just wait to see how they turn out, hoping and praying they’ll be okay.

Your ultimate hope and prayer for them is salvation, is it not? Then let us show them the Savior.

Only God knows who will be saved, but let us do all that we can to point them in that direction!

Pray with them regularly, read Scripture with them daily. Show them how you yourself turn to the Lord when you have questions or need wisdom or comfort. Forgive them, and ask for forgiveness when you mess up. Let them see a flourishing relationship between you and your Savior, a relationship that is alive and growing. If you’re struggling, it’s okay! Keep seeking Him anyways! Our children don’t need perfect parents, they need parents who recognize their shortcomings and turn to Him for every little and big thing.

Our God is a righteous, loving God. He is able to bring us along, and bring our children along, in faith and knowledge of Himself. Be encouraged; He has given you this role as parent of your children, and He equips you to do it well. When you seek Him, you will find Him (Jer. 29:13)! When you ask for wisdom, He will give it (James 1:5)! He won’t leave us alone as we try to lead our children toward Him.

Take up your duties with joy, dear friend. Be intentional in your parenting; teaching and training and gracefully pardoning. May our children see Jesus through us, that they may be drawn closer to Him!

-Amy