Older & Younger Moms

"Who's teaching mothers these days anyways?!"

An older mom looked at me, wanting to roll her eyes and tear up at the same time.

We had been talking about a choice one mom had made that put the health of her infant in jeopardy; one that she was comfortable with while those around her watched with horror. The choice is hers, and she owns it.

But the exclamation from my friend turned my attention elsewhere --
Who do we learn from?
Who is teaching us younger moms, anyways?

We moms are pros at figuring things out as we go. We have to! Kids (and life in general) are unpredictable, and we have to expect the unexpected and be prepared for what we don't know how to do.

Yet Scripture gives us this mandate:
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled" (Titus 2:3-5).

Older women are given the responsibility of teaching and training the younger women; they have had more years under their belts and typically have much wisdom for younger women to glean from.

Guess what that means for us younger women? We should listen to those who are older than us! Everything must be held against the Word of God, but that certainly shouldn't deter us from listening to those who have more life experience than we do. They may have tips for maintaining a home, or tricks for effectively disciplining a stubborn child; they may have habits they've kept for decades that have served them well in their personal lives. Each older woman has things that worked for her and things that didn't; imagine how much you could learn from even a few older moms!

My challenge to you and myself for this holiday season especially is to listen to moms older than us. We will have opportunities as we gather with family and friends to interact with women we can learn from. Even the most unlikely of people have things we can learn - whether we keep or discard their ideas.

As we sit down together, open gifts together, share meals together - don't be afraid to ask, or pay attention to a conversation that's already started. And when someone does share with you, resist the urge to be prideful. Resist cutting her off if you're not interested; resist rolling your eyes if it's something you've heard a thousand times. Hear it once more and be respectful of her opinions and methods. It will bless her, and if it doesn't bless you it will strengthen your patience and grace. Which is really still a blessing. ;)

Originally written by Amy Parsons for the Strength & Song weekly email.

In Mary's Arms

The angel – Gabriel – he told me You’d be coming. Told me not to worry, that I had somehow found favor with God; that God was giving You to me.

A Gift, though for most of these nine months I think I might be the only one who sees You as that. Joseph has married me still and believes – I’m so grateful God told him too. He knows You’re a Gift.

At first I thought You’d be like any other child, but special, maybe? since I’d never known a man and didn’t see how I could be pregnant. But he told me You were from the Holy Spirit, and therefore You would be holy.

It took me a minute to catch up with what he’d said after that. Holy. The babe inside me, holy?  How could this be? It humbles me.

How do I nurture a holy child? Discipline a holy child?

Oh Little One, You’ll teach me more than I’ll ever teach You.

Staring into Your eyes, sweet boy, You’re the most precious of precious babes. I’ve thought of so many things to share with You, when we get back home. For now we’ll just take each other in. I want every minute I have with You, Little One.

Those shepherds just leaving, they came to see You. Did You know who they were? I wonder what goes on in that tiny head of Yours… how much You already know. The men watched You in awe, having been told by angels that You had arrived.

Oh Little One, what have I been swept into? That the world would know You, my son, a king — the King from Heaven. God’s Son —

You aren’t mine, Little One. I thought I’d have that bond every mother has with her child, knowing I’m the one to keep You going and sustain You, nurture and teach You; that bond that’s indescribable and automatically there. It came, Sweetheart, but it’s different. I’m not Your end-all.

I’ll be here to wipe Your tears and carry You; I’ll hold Your hands as You learn to walk; I’ll teach You everything I know. But You don’t belong to me, and I wonder how much You really need me. You’re the Son of the all-powerful God.

What a gift. I suppose every child is a gift from God — surely, yes; absolutely. But You… You’re straight from God Himself, with no man involved. I don’t understand, my Dear, but I believe.

Your faith — is it greater than mine already? I don’t have much as it is. What things will I learn from You, Little One? You wrinkle Your nose and stretch those hands and I can only hold You close in amazement. God come to Earth, here in my arms.

I can’t imagine where Your life will take You, Little One. You’ll learn woodworking with Joseph, and I’m sure You’ll learn all that You can from the priests — unless You’re the one teaching them?

You’ll be a king, on the throne of David; You’re the Holy One, the Son of God. I thank God for His mercy toward me, though I’m at a loss for how to handle all of this. How best to handle You, Sweetheart.

Come closer, Little One. Let’s go to bed now and remember today. I have a feeling we’ll have to go forward slowly, one day at a time.

I love You, Little One.

I love You, Jesus.

Written by Amy Parsons.

Read the full story — Matthew 1 & 2, Luke 1 & 2.

The Mama Fight

It was probably something I ate. At seven months pregnant the pain in my abdomen doubled me over and all I could imagine was a monstrous, horrible gas attack. But after a few hours and no relief, my nervous husband Mike called our midwife and she ordered us to meet her at the hospital.

We were terrified.

This is back in 1985 and we were baby Christians, having been saved a little more than a year. We didn’t have a strong foundation of faith yet and we had no idea what was happening to us and our baby so we did the only thing we knew. We called the woman who had led us to the Lord and she got her church praying for us.

Since I was a little girl, my goal was to become a mother and have at least five kids. In fact, Mike and I planned on a messy, noisy houseful of children but God had a different plan. A second pregnancy turned ectopic (tubal) and we lost the baby and all future fertility. Four failed adoption attempts later we got the memo. It took a while to accept we would have only one child but eventually we saw God’s hand and will in what seemed to be the death of our dreams. But that’s a whole other story.

Anyway, back to the hospital. No one had a clue what was wrong with me. Appendicitis? Premature labor? Indigestion? Virus?

I was having some contractions so they hooked me up to the monitor. Doctors came in and out, poking and prodding and examining me. Fear was palpable in that hospital room. We didn’t know if our baby was a boy or a girl (this was thirty-three years ago) but that terrifying night in the hospital, when we didn’t know if our baby would live or die, I learned the first lesson of being a mother.

No matter what the circumstances, whether you understand what’s happening or not, a mother will fight for her child. She will do whatever it takes to give that baby a chance. Love takes over amid the desperation and she takes her stand and stands her ground.

For awhile they really thought it was appendicitis and I’d have to have my appendix out. If it would save the baby, then fine, just do it. Whatever the cost. Just save my baby.

I didn’t know about taking thoughts captive or casting down vain imaginations. I didn’t know that we ‘fight the good fight’. I just knew I had to fight. So I prayed and I feared…but I prayed. Mike prayed. We prayed together. We begged God for a miracle.

In the end, it wasn’t appendicitis and the doctors never could figure out what was wrong with me. The contractions stopped and the pain subsided and all they could say was that it was an “anomaly” which is doctor speak for “we don’t have a clue”.

We headed home, worn out but relieved. Two months later, (ten days past her due date), our daughter Francesca was born, all eight pounds, ten ounces of her.

I had no experience with babies. Seriously, none at all. But I learned. God sent me wonderful mama mentors in those days. I made plenty of mistakes but one thing never changed. I never stopped fighting or standing for my baby girl. Fighting in faith, fighting my own doubts and fears, fighting in prayer, standing in the gap, fighting for her future.

Franny’s all grown now with a husband and family of her own. I adore her four babies with everything in me. I love being Mimi and I love playing with them and buying them way too much stuff. When I’m with them my goals are to make cupcakes, make laughter and make memories. And to model a love for God that makes them want to love Him too.

But in the secret place, the place they don’t see, the sacred place of prayer, I fight. I fight for their future, I fight for their destiny. I take God at His word and I fight the good fight of faith. The fight of belief. And I stand my ground.

The weapons of my warfare? Love. Because that’s how we mamas do it.

Written by Kate Battistelli, author of Growing Great Kids-Partner with God to Cultivate His Purpose in Your Child’s Life, published by Charisma House. Her newest book, The God Dare, published by Barbour Books, will release in 2019. She’s mom to GRAMMY award-winning artist Francesca Battistelli and Mimi to her 4 children. She’s been married to her best friend Mike for 35 years and lives just outside of Nashville. Kate loves to cook and blogs about food and faith at www.KateBattistelli.com You can follow her on Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook.

10 Things to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed as a Mom

Since my husband and I have been married we have moved ten times, lived in four states, and nine different cities. Many of those moves were due to different ministry/job opportunities and some of them were due to being a military family. I feel like I can safely say that I am a pro at the whole packing, purging, cleaning, and setting it all up again thing. My husband and I also have two little ones that are only seventeen months apart. When we had our second baby my husband had just graduated from boot camp in the Navy and he was working nights over at the military base.

Let me just say, that was a really rough season. We were a brand new military family with a newborn and a one year old living in a city and state that we had never been to before without any family around. We knew that it was only for a season but that didn’t take away from the intensity of our daily lives. Aside from a few amazing military families we had met I felt very isolated and alone. My walk with the Lord felt very watered down and since I had given birth to our son I felt like was constantly teetering on the edge of depression.

The majority of my feelings and my emotions during that season could be summed up into one word “overwhelmed”. I felt practically overwhelmed by everything going on in our lives, our finances, the basic needs of our kids, meal planning, sharing a car with my husband, not having a good church nearby, not having family around, laundry, dishes, the list went on and on. The state of our home felt like it was in constant chaos. I am the creative type and cleaning does not come naturally to me. I like things to be organized but typically while doing so I make a large mess somewhere else. My husband is the neat and tidy type. He doesn’t love to clean but he can’t function in a home that isn’t perfectly polished. Okay, that was a little bit of an exaggeration but he really likes it when the house is tidy enough to walk with bare feet on the floor.

Our chaotic home was often a common start to many arguments during that season. My husband desperately wanted to help me get organized with a cleaning routine and meal plans (he was willing to do whatever it took) and I wanted him to learn to live happily in the mess. We sound kinda like that movie Yours, Mine, and Ours huh? I don’t really know what caused me to change, maybe it was from being late to every event or never being able to find a matching pair of socks but one day I decided that I could no longer live with the mess. It was by no means an easy decision. It has taken a lot of effort to get to where I am now and it continues to take a lot of effort. If you are feeling overwhelmed and maybe your mind is wired more like mine here are ten tips that have worked really well for me:

1. Pray.

I know this one kinda sounds obvious. Whenever I feel like I am trying to retrain myself I like to lean back on God’s word and ask for Him to give me the wisdom I need to get through the season that I am in. “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” James 1:5

2. Turn off the TV, Put the phone away, and get off social media!

Whenever I feel like I am spinning my wheels and I just can’t seem to get myself into a good routine, it’s usually time for me to do a reset. I start by telling my friends and family that I need a break for a few days to play catch up. I will alert them to not expect me to be answering my phone, emails, or text messages. I may even make a post on social media to let my audience and clients know that I will be out for the next several days. Personally, I am an extrovert and I naturally feel the urgency to communicate and socialize with others through face to face time, talking on the phone, and social media. Even if you aren’t someone who enjoys those things, I highly recommend taking a break for a few days from any media (including movies and TV shows) in order to get your life back on track. The amount of time I save by simply putting my phone away and staying off my socials always surprises me and usually gives me the extra time I need to get my families’ lives reorganized.

3. Focus on the Practical

I like to take my focus off of the big picture and focus on the small practical things that are directly in front of me. My most important responsibility is to make sure that everyone is safe, clean, and fed. Despite what my Pinterest boards may look like, I know that my home does not need to be fancy in order to be functional. I tell myself to take it easy, take it one step at a time, room by room. No one ever said that I had to be Marry Poppins or Martha Stewart. I typically let my kids watch a show or do a special activity while I focus on creating a plan for organization. I keep it simple by using a basic notepad and pen to make a check-off list for the things I plan to get done throughout each day. Cleaning up the clutter is the first thing that I do whenever I need to reset. It helps to have the misplaced things out of the way even if that means placing them in a large basket until I can take them to their proper places. If you are just getting started my advice would be to take it slow. Prioritize by focusing on the most important tasks and then go from there.

4. Get everyone on a schedule

This is my staple to maintaing a functional life and a functional home. Without some sort of basic schedule I find myself lacking in the most practical areas of my life such as meal prepping, and showering. By not being able to meet the practical needs of my family I am forced to take from the other areas of my life; finances, sleep, and quiet time. I have found that when my family and I have designated bedtimes and mealtimes we are happier and healthier as a whole and we have more time to do fun things with friends and each other.

5. Make a cleaning routine

This one is my least favorite. Seriously, though, I don’t like cleaning. I like how things feel when they are clean though! I gravitate more to cleaning when I feel like it and cleaning when I feel stressed. This approach is often a recipe for disaster in my home. Although I don’t always enjoy it, I have found that it is a lot easier to maintain my home with a simple cleaning routine. I don’t have anything fancy in place, in fact I don’t really even have anything written down at the moment. My husband and I have an understanding that we do certain things on certain days of the week such as cleaning our sheets, wiping down the bathrooms, laundry, and even grocery shopping. With our basic cleaning routine in place we have become more hospitable as a family and we tend to want to stay at home more often when we have a consistently clean environment.

6. Be patient

I am not a naturally clean person. I would rather go on a spontaneous outing than maintain the cleanliness of my home or grocery shop. While we do occasionally go on spontaneous outings, it is better for us to have designated times throughout the week to go exploring in our city. It takes time to develop cleaning habits before they become second nature and it takes time to get an entire family on a schedule. Little things like holidays and family in town can really throw off a routine and sometimes it takes a while to get back on track. Patience is needed, lots of patience and lots of grace. I know that if I am faithful to stick to my goals eventually I will get things where I want them to be.

7. Get your husband on board

Whenever I decide to change something or start something new, I always make it a priority to communicate with my husband. Sometimes, his input will help me to better structure my ideas and his support is always a huge bonus. We do our best to share the load in our marriage when it comes to parenting, cleaning, and other household tasks. In order for our relationship to operate smoothly it is imperative for us to communicate and get on the same page. We don’t always agree but we try our best to listen to one another and compromise with each other until we reach a decision that is best for our family.

8. Implement family values

This is a new one for us as a family. Obviously, we have values and certain things that we feel are very important to us however, until I had listened to a recent podcast by Havilah Cunnington we hadn’t ever taken the time to write down the reasons for doing what we do. Havilah’s podcast was all about the “why” behind family values. Why do you do what you do? If you can’t answer the why behind your goals you are not going to be able to stick with them when the going gets tough. You should also be able to have a why behind your no, this will ensure that you don’t over-extend yourself and others will respect you more for being able to wholeheartedly fulfill your commitments. My husband and I know that we want to be on a schedule and maintain a clean and organized home so that we can fulfill the vision for ministry that God has placed in our hearts. When our home isn’t in order we are often late to meetings and events because we can’t find things, we eat out more because we don’t have meals that we planned ahead of time, and we are forced to use up valuable time playing catch up on chores rather than using the time for our ministry and family fun.

9. Plan ahead

I am sure many of us have heard the saying “those that don’t plan, plan to fail”. This saying couldn’t be more accurate. I have always known that planning was important but I never understood the value in it until I began planning for things in my everyday life. Once there was a lady in my Bible study who told our small group that the key to being on time was to begin tomorrow the day before. I took her advice to heart and I started my preparations for the next day a day or two ahead. If I know that we are planning to go on an outdoor adventure or to a barbecue at a friend’s house on Saturday and church Sunday morning, I will make sure that I wash and fold laundry on Friday so that everyone has clean clothes to wear for the weekend. Since we have been using this method in our home, my husband and I communicate better, we are less stressed out, and we are generally more carefree when we spend time with each other and our kids.

10. Have fun

I am naturally a play before work kind of girl. It has taken a lot of work, a lot of prayer, and a lot of time for me to have a lifestyle that is organized and on a schedule. Getting on a schedule is not a walk in the park. It’s messy and difficult. That’s why it’s important to have fun. Be honest with your kids when you make a mistake and don’t forget to say I am sorry. Remember, they are watching you and copying everything that you say and do. Someday, I want my kids to be able to run their lives and their homes in an organized and peaceful manner. If I want them to do this, I have to first do it myself. Have fun with your kids, play music and dance with each other while you fold laundry. They might not be old enough to fold laundry with you but at least let them try to fold something small and maybe carry a pile of their clothes to the dresser in their rooms. Letting your kids help you will require you to take a few extra steps but it is worth it. There is always a way to make chores a little bit more fun even if that means celebrating with ice cream afterwards. Get creative and do what works best for your family.

Thanks for reading! I hope that my experience encourages you and maybe even helps you in your journey as a mom.

Written by Jo Rogers. Used with permission.