A Wife of Valor

Recently I opened my Bible to Proverbs 31. As a female, this chapter is one very familiar to me. When I was 13 my mom sent me to a weekly Bible study for young ladies. As a tomboy who loved adventure and despised anything pink, a Proverbs 31 study brought to mind a neat orderly row of girls dressed in pink frilly dresses dutifully knitting socks while conversing in low tones. Turns out that picture was actually pretty accurate.

To attend, you had to wear a skirt or dress that was knee-length or longer (no pants or shorts allowed). Each week you had to memorize two verses of Proverbs 31, with the end goal of memorizing the whole chapter. Each week we learned a new skill: embroidery, cooking, sewing a pillowcase, and honestly I don’t remember what else, except that it had to do with becoming the model future wife and mother that Proverbs 31 supposedly dictated all little women should be. All I know is that it was the most boring time of my life (except for the snack break, that was the highlight for sure).

One week, as we sat in our skirts, embroidering roses on handkerchiefs, I mentioned in an exasperated tone how much I despised sewing (after pricking myself for the tenth time with the sewing needle). Fast forward to that afternoon, when my mom received a call from the study leader who basically said your daughter is being a bad example by saying she hates sewing, and we may have to ask her to leave if she doesn’t settle down and conform to the biblical image of femininity that we are trying to instill in these girls.

I admit my attitude was NOT where it should be. The heart behind that group was in the right place, and the leader genuinely cared about each and every student! I will also add that I was probably the only girl who didn’t enjoy everything, the others thought it was loads of fun.

But I have to be honest. That study ruined Proverbs 31 for me for many years. In my mind, that passage meant becoming a stagnant entity whose sole existence was to slave in the house and care for husband and children. The Proverbs 31 woman appeared to me as a passive behind-the-scenes person who didn’t really play an exciting role in the family unit. As a result, that scripture really fell off my radar as the years went by and I became an adult, a wife, and then a mother myself.

Until that day a few weeks ago when I opened up my Bible to that chapter and began to read.

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.

Proverbs 31:10

I checked out the footnotes in my Bible for that verse, and it translated “virtuous wife” as lit. “wife of valor”. Hold up. Valor? I looked up the definition of valor.

Valor: strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness: personal bravery….Great courage in the face of danger, especially battle.

Turns out the word valor comes from the Latin “valorem”, which means “strength, moral worth” with the sense of “courage” added later.

This changed everything for me. I saw Proverbs 31 in a completely different light! The image in my mind of the P31 woman was formerly of a diminutive, forlorn, forgotten individual who rarely thought for herself, deferred to her husband in all things, and modestly remained in the background of life.

Yet what comes to mind when I read, “Wife of valor”? I see a woman who holds down the frontlines at home. I see a woman who courageously fights for her family, who puts their well-being first and protects them no matter what. Who trains up her children to be warriors for Christ. A strong woman who doesn’t fall to pieces when hardships comes upon her family. A wife whose husband trusts and respects and goes to for advice. That is a woman I will gladly aspire to become!

So, I challenge you, weary soul in charge of the daily ins and outs of your household, read Proverbs 31 in a different light. Look for the character of the godly woman it describes, and picture her going about the various tasks of the day with courage, bravery, and strength of mind. God knows full well that being a mother requires those traits just as much as a soldier!

Let’s be a wife of valor most importantly for our husbands. My husband needs a wife who he can trust won’t crumble when the going gets rough. A wife who can be counted on to share the burden of raising a family. A wife he can come home to with anticipation, knowing that she will be there with arms open wide to greet him, no matter how the day went.

The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.

Proverbs 31:11

Learning about the wife of valor will be an ongoing lesson for me, one that humbles and convicts, but one that I am so thankful the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to. May it be an eye-opener for you as well, friend!

Written by Strength & Song Admin, Natalya Brown.

Post-Partum Fear and the Fruit of the Spirit

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.”

Galatians 5:16-26

I've had a lot of anxiety recently about transitioning from one to two children. Our miscarriage extended an invitation to really savor all of the extra one-on-one time I would have with our firstborn. While I have so enjoyed my time and adventures with him over the past few "extra" months, I'm incredibly conscious recently of the way that a second child will complicate our relationship logistically and emotionally. I had quite the turbulent entrance into motherhood the first go round. The arrival of our first child shook our marriage in ways I didn't anticipate. Fluctuating hormones, difficult circumstances, unmet expectations, and a lack of sleep revealed things about my heart that were hard to see, and I imagine hard for my husband to live with.

A few weeks ago, as the stomach bug ripped through our house and potty-training added an unexpected emotional riff to my relationship with my two year old, I found myself filled with fear as I thought about what was coming in just a few weeks. What would welcoming a newborn look like with a toddler thrown in to the equation this time?

The vintage Jinny Lind cradle in our room is an ever present reminder of our second son's impending arrival. I find myself filled with both joyful anticipation and anxious dread each time I see it. Above it hang 9 beautifully illustrated floral prints from Ruth Chou Simons bearing the fruit of the spirit. Last night as my eyes drifted up from the wooden cradle to study those petals, I was both convicted and encouraged.

As I anticipate the arrival of another little one, I have been so easily convinced of the fruit of fatigue and post-partum hormones and change: a short temper, depression, anxiety, frustration. But there is so much danger in imagining a future circumstance without considering God's word. There is no telling how the arrival of our second son may parallel or differ from that of our first. I could spend (and have probably already spent) hours dwelling on why this transition might be better or how it may be harder. 

Our marriage is stronger. We are both more experienced parents. I can see tangible ways God has changed me and made me more like Jesus. I know what I'm doing more than the first time. Our community is richer. We have a better idea of what to expect. We got a doula this time.

But our two year old is going to struggle to adjust. I will be jealous watching other people get to play with and enjoy him while I am nursing. I will be exhausted and he will likely be dealing with big emotions and outbursts. He will need to be lifted and hanging on me while I am sore and recovering from childbirth. My hormones may make me depressed or emotionally unavailable.

Any of those things may or may not end up being true. Any scenario I imagine may or may not come to fruition. But what I do know about our quickly approaching post-partum experience is that God's grace will be sufficient. His power will be made perfect in my weakness. He will be an ever present help in my time of need. The spirit will intercede for me with groanings too deep for words when I don't know how to pray or ask for help. And Christ, my great high priest, who is able to sympathize with my weakness, will stand ready to forgive my failings, covering them with grace and somehow still using them for God's glory. These certainties move me from fear to faith. These meditations move my anxious mind away from the fruit of fatigue, hormones, and change onto the fruit of the Spirit. 

Where I fear distance and resentment, He offers Love.

Where I fear baby blues and the dreaded darkness, He offers Joy.

Where I fear the intensity of post partum anxiety and a lack of predictability, He offers his Peace.

Where I fear my short temper and anticipated frustration with my husband and toddler, He offers Patience.

Where I worry about my biting tongue and thoughtlessness, He offers Kindness.

Where I worry about what will be exposed in me when my circumstances reveal my worst, He offers Goodness.

Where I fear my reactivity and tendency to be harsh when tired, He offers Gentleness.

Where I am concerned that I will neglect his word or disciplines, He supplies Faithfulness.

Where I fear reactivity and the reign and power of hormones, He offers Self-Control.

These things are not the result of a good night's sleep, balanced hormones, more reading, or stronger will power. They are the fruit of abiding, of asking in humility, and of trusting my Father to provide more than I allow hormones, fatigue, and pain to control.

The Holy Spirit is stronger than hormones. God's word is more certain than any of my imagined scenarios. And Christ's peace is greater than my fears.

Written and published by Abbey Wedgeworth of Gentle Leading.

Choosing Joy

I love my silly girl.

She has such a funny side to her, and never shies away from trying to make me laugh.

And sometimes, I really, really need to laugh.

Like today. Today was the kind of day I experience every so often, especially right before a surgery or development evaluation. The kind of day when I look at my sweet daughter, and just want to weep.

Weep for what is ahead, because she has no idea how hard it will be. Weep for what has been lost, though she’ll never know what exactly it was. Weep for all the hard work she has done, only to experience gut-wrenching regression. Weep for what will never be.

Will she wear that white wedding gown, or hold suckling babies to her chest? Will she ever walk, or talk, or drink? Will she ever be able to forgive me for putting her through surgery after surgery and therapies upon therapies? When I tell her she can’t play with the other kids or participate the way she wants, will she hate me for it?

But oh, she loves. I don’t think she can hate. Even the things that are hard or frustrate her... she comes through smiling - through tears, but still smiling. And I have to remind myself of this very wonderful fact about Elyse: she comes through with joy. One moment she could be beside herself, in pain or just unhappy with what she is being made to do.... but give her time, and she forgets, moves on, and can be seen and heard gloriously laughing! That cheesy grin always appears after tears. Always.

I have to believe this for her as she grows up and becomes more aware of her reality. When distraction isn’t so easy, and smiles are more of a choice than a feeling. I wish it could stay as simple as it is now.

But for tonight, I choose joy. I choose to believe God has a greater purpose in all of this. I choose to see the good. I choose to be happy. I choose to let every trial and every setback bring me closer to His heart. And when I consciously make this choice, the smile surely follows. Not because my situation has changed (sometimes, it actually grows worse) but because I have His presence, His comfort and His peace that passes all understanding. God alone makes sense of the senseless.

This is my prayer for Elyse Joy. Baby girl, if you read this one day, I want you to know that happiness isn’t to be found in being anyone other than who God wants you to be. And more than anything else, God wants you to be HIS. If you are God’s, sweet girl, known and loved by Him, that’s all that matters! May His love and ownership always bring a smile to your dear, sweet face.

“And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.” John 16:22

Keep smiling, friends!

Originally written and posted on Facebook by Katie Millen, mama of three beautiful children, one with special needs.

Invest in the Mess

Recently, my 20 month old son Moses learned the word “messy”. After spreading food all over his hair/face/chest/high chair, he will look up at me with a concerned expression and say, “Uh oh, messy!”

The fact that he says, “Uh oh!” before the “messy” is something he has learned from me. In my opinion, messes are an uh oh. I do not appreciate mess. I do not enjoy cleaning up messes. As a mom of two little boys under age two, I feel perpetually surrounded by MESS.

After months of frustration and discouragement at my inability to contain the chaos of life with little ones (and two big dogs who delight in shedding hair everywhere), the Lord sat me down for a little chat.

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.

Luke 10:41-42

Not only had my obsession with keeping my home in perfect order taken my joy, it had interfered with my goal of spending quality time with the Lord, digging in to His Word and coming before Him in prayer while my kids napped. As soon as they hit the sack I would immediately rush to get the dishes done, the clothes put away, the toys back in their place. Only after everything was in order would I sit down with my Bible…and nine times out of ten I would have 5 minutes before the first kid would wake up and the crazy start all over again.

Please note the incredible mess in the background of this pic.

I found myself resenting my precious little guy whose goal was not to maliciously ruin Mommy’s day by doing what little ones do best and leaving a mess wherever he toddled. I found myself nagging and nit picking my husband every time he would leave something on the counter or the floor. I found myself jealously comparing myself to the other moms who seemed to have immaculate homes and perfectly clean children who delightfully started cleaning up after themselves at six months of age.

I came to the realization that I need to embrace this season of mess, for my own sanity’s sake and also for the well-being of my family, but ultimately for the glory of God. This is the season He has placed me in. My toddler is learning and growing and developing, and that means spilling and smearing and leaving a disaster in his wake more often than not. Of course, I shouldnt let my home fall into a perpetual state of squalor, that’s not God-honoring at all. But exhausting all my energy and joy in trying to rid myself of the inevitable messiness of life that accompanies two little boys under two robs me of the pleasure of enjoying my precious family and investing in these fleeting moments of childhood and parenthood.

My husband is my example of investing time in what truly matters.

So. I’m going to stop freaking out when my clean living room turns into a train wreck in .5 seconds after Mosha wakes up from nap. I’m going to stop apologizing all over the place in embarrassment when the handyman comes in and has to step over mega blocks and a pile of goldfish to get to the water heater closet. I’m going to stop being a Martha who is “worried and troubled about many things”. I’m going to stop envying other moms and their seemingly perfect homes (and kids and makeup and hair and lives).

I’m going to glory in the season God has given me. I’m going to marvel at the milestones my little Moses and Thadeus hit. I’m going to thank my God for the gift of children and a legacy and all that entails. I’m going to follow Mary’s example and put my time with the Lord FIRST and trust that He will honor that and give me opportunity to complete my to-do list after. I’m going to put down the laundry and leave the half-cleaned kitchen and spend the remainder of my evening with my husband after the kids have gone to bed, investing in our marriage and having face-to-face time with him. The unfinished chores will be there tomorrow, guaranteed. The precious moments with my family are not so guaranteed.

I’ll leave you with this image of Mosha after he flung chocolate milk all over himself and our car, leaving a sour milk smell that lasted for weeks.

Written by Natalya Brown.