10 Things to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed as a Mom

Since my husband and I have been married we have moved ten times, lived in four states, and nine different cities. Many of those moves were due to different ministry/job opportunities and some of them were due to being a military family. I feel like I can safely say that I am a pro at the whole packing, purging, cleaning, and setting it all up again thing. My husband and I also have two little ones that are only seventeen months apart. When we had our second baby my husband had just graduated from boot camp in the Navy and he was working nights over at the military base.

Let me just say, that was a really rough season. We were a brand new military family with a newborn and a one year old living in a city and state that we had never been to before without any family around. We knew that it was only for a season but that didn’t take away from the intensity of our daily lives. Aside from a few amazing military families we had met I felt very isolated and alone. My walk with the Lord felt very watered down and since I had given birth to our son I felt like was constantly teetering on the edge of depression.

The majority of my feelings and my emotions during that season could be summed up into one word “overwhelmed”. I felt practically overwhelmed by everything going on in our lives, our finances, the basic needs of our kids, meal planning, sharing a car with my husband, not having a good church nearby, not having family around, laundry, dishes, the list went on and on. The state of our home felt like it was in constant chaos. I am the creative type and cleaning does not come naturally to me. I like things to be organized but typically while doing so I make a large mess somewhere else. My husband is the neat and tidy type. He doesn’t love to clean but he can’t function in a home that isn’t perfectly polished. Okay, that was a little bit of an exaggeration but he really likes it when the house is tidy enough to walk with bare feet on the floor.

Our chaotic home was often a common start to many arguments during that season. My husband desperately wanted to help me get organized with a cleaning routine and meal plans (he was willing to do whatever it took) and I wanted him to learn to live happily in the mess. We sound kinda like that movie Yours, Mine, and Ours huh? I don’t really know what caused me to change, maybe it was from being late to every event or never being able to find a matching pair of socks but one day I decided that I could no longer live with the mess. It was by no means an easy decision. It has taken a lot of effort to get to where I am now and it continues to take a lot of effort. If you are feeling overwhelmed and maybe your mind is wired more like mine here are ten tips that have worked really well for me:

1. Pray.

I know this one kinda sounds obvious. Whenever I feel like I am trying to retrain myself I like to lean back on God’s word and ask for Him to give me the wisdom I need to get through the season that I am in. “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” James 1:5

2. Turn off the TV, Put the phone away, and get off social media!

Whenever I feel like I am spinning my wheels and I just can’t seem to get myself into a good routine, it’s usually time for me to do a reset. I start by telling my friends and family that I need a break for a few days to play catch up. I will alert them to not expect me to be answering my phone, emails, or text messages. I may even make a post on social media to let my audience and clients know that I will be out for the next several days. Personally, I am an extrovert and I naturally feel the urgency to communicate and socialize with others through face to face time, talking on the phone, and social media. Even if you aren’t someone who enjoys those things, I highly recommend taking a break for a few days from any media (including movies and TV shows) in order to get your life back on track. The amount of time I save by simply putting my phone away and staying off my socials always surprises me and usually gives me the extra time I need to get my families’ lives reorganized.

3. Focus on the Practical

I like to take my focus off of the big picture and focus on the small practical things that are directly in front of me. My most important responsibility is to make sure that everyone is safe, clean, and fed. Despite what my Pinterest boards may look like, I know that my home does not need to be fancy in order to be functional. I tell myself to take it easy, take it one step at a time, room by room. No one ever said that I had to be Marry Poppins or Martha Stewart. I typically let my kids watch a show or do a special activity while I focus on creating a plan for organization. I keep it simple by using a basic notepad and pen to make a check-off list for the things I plan to get done throughout each day. Cleaning up the clutter is the first thing that I do whenever I need to reset. It helps to have the misplaced things out of the way even if that means placing them in a large basket until I can take them to their proper places. If you are just getting started my advice would be to take it slow. Prioritize by focusing on the most important tasks and then go from there.

4. Get everyone on a schedule

This is my staple to maintaing a functional life and a functional home. Without some sort of basic schedule I find myself lacking in the most practical areas of my life such as meal prepping, and showering. By not being able to meet the practical needs of my family I am forced to take from the other areas of my life; finances, sleep, and quiet time. I have found that when my family and I have designated bedtimes and mealtimes we are happier and healthier as a whole and we have more time to do fun things with friends and each other.

5. Make a cleaning routine

This one is my least favorite. Seriously, though, I don’t like cleaning. I like how things feel when they are clean though! I gravitate more to cleaning when I feel like it and cleaning when I feel stressed. This approach is often a recipe for disaster in my home. Although I don’t always enjoy it, I have found that it is a lot easier to maintain my home with a simple cleaning routine. I don’t have anything fancy in place, in fact I don’t really even have anything written down at the moment. My husband and I have an understanding that we do certain things on certain days of the week such as cleaning our sheets, wiping down the bathrooms, laundry, and even grocery shopping. With our basic cleaning routine in place we have become more hospitable as a family and we tend to want to stay at home more often when we have a consistently clean environment.

6. Be patient

I am not a naturally clean person. I would rather go on a spontaneous outing than maintain the cleanliness of my home or grocery shop. While we do occasionally go on spontaneous outings, it is better for us to have designated times throughout the week to go exploring in our city. It takes time to develop cleaning habits before they become second nature and it takes time to get an entire family on a schedule. Little things like holidays and family in town can really throw off a routine and sometimes it takes a while to get back on track. Patience is needed, lots of patience and lots of grace. I know that if I am faithful to stick to my goals eventually I will get things where I want them to be.

7. Get your husband on board

Whenever I decide to change something or start something new, I always make it a priority to communicate with my husband. Sometimes, his input will help me to better structure my ideas and his support is always a huge bonus. We do our best to share the load in our marriage when it comes to parenting, cleaning, and other household tasks. In order for our relationship to operate smoothly it is imperative for us to communicate and get on the same page. We don’t always agree but we try our best to listen to one another and compromise with each other until we reach a decision that is best for our family.

8. Implement family values

This is a new one for us as a family. Obviously, we have values and certain things that we feel are very important to us however, until I had listened to a recent podcast by Havilah Cunnington we hadn’t ever taken the time to write down the reasons for doing what we do. Havilah’s podcast was all about the “why” behind family values. Why do you do what you do? If you can’t answer the why behind your goals you are not going to be able to stick with them when the going gets tough. You should also be able to have a why behind your no, this will ensure that you don’t over-extend yourself and others will respect you more for being able to wholeheartedly fulfill your commitments. My husband and I know that we want to be on a schedule and maintain a clean and organized home so that we can fulfill the vision for ministry that God has placed in our hearts. When our home isn’t in order we are often late to meetings and events because we can’t find things, we eat out more because we don’t have meals that we planned ahead of time, and we are forced to use up valuable time playing catch up on chores rather than using the time for our ministry and family fun.

9. Plan ahead

I am sure many of us have heard the saying “those that don’t plan, plan to fail”. This saying couldn’t be more accurate. I have always known that planning was important but I never understood the value in it until I began planning for things in my everyday life. Once there was a lady in my Bible study who told our small group that the key to being on time was to begin tomorrow the day before. I took her advice to heart and I started my preparations for the next day a day or two ahead. If I know that we are planning to go on an outdoor adventure or to a barbecue at a friend’s house on Saturday and church Sunday morning, I will make sure that I wash and fold laundry on Friday so that everyone has clean clothes to wear for the weekend. Since we have been using this method in our home, my husband and I communicate better, we are less stressed out, and we are generally more carefree when we spend time with each other and our kids.

10. Have fun

I am naturally a play before work kind of girl. It has taken a lot of work, a lot of prayer, and a lot of time for me to have a lifestyle that is organized and on a schedule. Getting on a schedule is not a walk in the park. It’s messy and difficult. That’s why it’s important to have fun. Be honest with your kids when you make a mistake and don’t forget to say I am sorry. Remember, they are watching you and copying everything that you say and do. Someday, I want my kids to be able to run their lives and their homes in an organized and peaceful manner. If I want them to do this, I have to first do it myself. Have fun with your kids, play music and dance with each other while you fold laundry. They might not be old enough to fold laundry with you but at least let them try to fold something small and maybe carry a pile of their clothes to the dresser in their rooms. Letting your kids help you will require you to take a few extra steps but it is worth it. There is always a way to make chores a little bit more fun even if that means celebrating with ice cream afterwards. Get creative and do what works best for your family.

Thanks for reading! I hope that my experience encourages you and maybe even helps you in your journey as a mom.

Written by Jo Rogers. Used with permission.

Labor On

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. (1 Corinthians 15:58 NIV)

I had such idealistic ideas about childbirth before our first child was born. Kathryn would be delivered naturally, as I stared calmly at my focal point picture, breathing as I had been taught with my wonderful husband and coach whispering just the right words of encouragement into my happy ears. Our baby would emerge pretty and pink and glowing with health. We had attended the classes. We had practiced. We were ready. Well ... the reality was somewhat messier than expected.

I was in labor 28 hours. Not only could I not focus on a focal point, I did not want to focus on anything except the doctor who could give me something to Make The Pain Stop. Sigh. Yep. I caved. Had the help of drugs. Delivered a healthy baby, but … she was not all pretty and pink when she first appeared. Ha! But Oh. When I held that little girl in my arms, when I counted her little fingers and toes and kissed her cute little button nose, I was smitten. All that hard, messy labor was worth it. Our Kathryn had arrived and we rejoiced.

Paul urges believers in the verse above to “ … stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” What work has the Lord called you to do? Are you a Sunday School teacher? On a missions committee? Working with the homeless? Whatever job God has assigned you at this point in your life, be encouraged. Labor—hard and messy though it might be—if done for the Lord, will never be in vain. Every little thing we do in our churches or simply in our daily lives that points to Christ matters.

Dear friend, don’t give up. Even when it hurts, even when you need help, like I did, to push through, keep going! On that great day when we arrive in Heaven, one of our greatest joys will be to see the results of our labors. That little kid in Sunday School class, who had a million questions, saved and present with you before the throne. Those from every tribe and nation worshiping, some of them there because of your monetary gifts, prayers, and support of missionaries. That homeless person you witnessed to … you didn't think he heard you and there he is beside you in Heaven worshiping the King! There is no greater work than the work God assigns. So stand firm. Let nothing move you from the work God has given you. It is not in vain.

Heavenly Father, show me today the work You have for me. Give me eyes to see those who need to hear of You. Help me to keep going, sharing the gospel, serving in small ways so that others can hear the good news that Jesus has paid the price for their sins and they are freed to enter Heaven if they put their trust in Him. Lord, use me. Give me strength to labor for Your kingdom work. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Originally written by Sharon Gamble of Sweet Selah Ministries. Used with permission.

Am I Doing Enough for God?

“Do you ever feel like you’re not doing enough for God? Do you ever feel guilty, like you should be working harder for him?”

Many of the ladies in my Sunday School class nodded in response to the questions. Our teacher had struck a chord that resonated with us.

We were studying 2 Samuel, and in chapter 7 we read how David had a plan to do something wonderful for God. He would build God a house. David’s desire to do this work for God flowed out of his love and worship for God.

But God’s response to David’s desire to serve him gives us insight into the way of the Lord with his children. Through the prophet Nathan, God asks David, “Would you build me a house to dwell in?…Did I speak a word…saying, ‘Why have you not built me a house of cedar?’”

Later, David’s son Solomon would build him a house, but for now, God wanted David to understand what kind of a God he was — and it wasn’t a God who needed David to build him a house.

God says in Isaiah 66:1-2,
“Thus says the LORD; ‘Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool; what is the house that you would build for me, and what is the place of my rest? All these things my hand has made, and so all these things came to be,’ declares the LORD. ‘But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.”

And oh, God did look! God looked to David, replying to him in a way that said, You want to build ME a house? Oh no, no, no, no. I will build you a house — an eternal one!

The Bible is clear: God isn’t looking for women who will build him a house, who will work for him, who will get their act together and plan for him, who will provide for him, who will fill some void in his heart. He’s looking for women for him to revive (Isaiah 57:15). He’s looking for women with a contrite and lowly spirit so he can come to them to show himself strong on their behalf (2 Chronicles 16:9).

“I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.” Isaiah 57:15

“For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him…” 2 Chronicles 16:9

God turns David’s (and my!) understanding of himself upside-down and on its head — GOD is looking to serve ME. To help me. To support me. To work for me.

“From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him.” (Isaiah 64:6)

Does this kind of doctrine make you feel uncomfortable? Do these truths make you feel like you need to put on the brakes?

I think I’ve felt uncomfortable with these truths because I don’t want to make it out like God is a genie in a bottle, a Santa Claus waiting to give me my best life now and make all my dreams come true. I also know that the Christian life does involve sacrifice and walking in a manner worthy of Christ, and I don’t want to seem to encourage lawless, ungodly living.

But Paul taught a gospel like this — a gospel so good that one might fear that its grace gives license to sin. Paul’s response to this assumption is, “By no means!” (Romans 6:1-2)

Because, for those of us who have been brought from death to life, Jesus has changed our very want-tos and who we are from the inside out. Yes, we’ll still fight those old, sinful inclinations, but we won’t love them anymore. When we receive Jesus, the Bible says we are new creatures in Christ Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:17). We are fundamentally different after we receive Jesus than we were before we believed. Now, we love God and his ways, and whereas we went wrong before, now we go right, because we are right within (Spurgeon).

But I think the biggest reason I’ve felt uncomfortable emphasizing a strong God who helps the weak, is because it’s hard for me to admit that I’m weak and needy. Do you identify? Are you strong, self-sufficient type that others can always count on? Not needy? Not dependent? For the strong, for those who see themselves as better than others (Luke 18:9-14), it’s an uncomfortable gospel.

But it’s the true one. And it’s good, good news for those who realize that they are unworthy, needy sinners.

And that Sunday when we talked in our ladies class about this glorious, too-good-to-be-true God and his goodness to us, I could feel the weight of “the Christian life” lift off my shoulders. The should, the ought-to, the guilt, the trappings of busyness and stress. Because the right response to God’s goodness is to receive it — and ask for more!

“What shall I render to the LORD for all his benefits to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD.” (Psalm 116:12-13)

Like he did for David, God is seeking to help us, too. Jesus said that he did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many (Mark 10:45). Jesus’ work on the cross — his ultimate service of dying in our place for the sin that we have done — is for those who receive His son, Jesus.

“But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” (John 1:12)

But Jesus’ help for us did not end when he died on the cross for our sins. We live the Christian life like we began it: receiving.

God works for us.

Our response to the incredible Gift we have received is love, obedience to, and worship of “the God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth.” He is a God who “does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.” (Romans 12:1; Acts 17:24-25)

And the Christian life is daily asking God for more. Asking God for help. Asking him to do in us what only he can do. Asking him to change our loves and want-tos. Trusting him to be our strong help. Walking in obedience to his word through the strength that he supplies. Joyfully rendering obedience and a whole-hearted trust in response to the work he has done for us and is doing in us. Resting in a God who works for us.

Nothing in my hands I bring, simply to Thy cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress, helpless, look to Thee for grace:
Foul, I to the fountain fly, wash me, Savior, or I die.

Originally written by Amanda Criss of Bless Your Heart and Home. Used with permission.

When You Feel Like A Less-Than Mother

“Lara, I think you’ve lost some weight.”

My mother-in-law’s words were a stake in my heart, though I know they were never meant to be. I finished zipping my jacket over my tiny baby bump. “Really? Maybe it’s just this jacket making it look that way,” I lied.  

She verbalized the fear I had pushed away all week. I’m not gaining the weight I’m supposed to.

Nine weeks into pregnancy, morning sickness came. Though I had not thrown up yet, each morning I was greeted with nausea that stayed with me all day. For most, this would be considered easy—at least you aren’t throwing up everything you try to eat. But for me, the mere thought of vomiting was crippling.

My fears of throwing up are what started my life-long journey of anxiety. After my first experience with the flu as a young girl, the thought of vomiting gave me a visceral reaction.  I would collapse into panic attacks—crying, screaming, sweating, shaking—anytime my stomach began to get that gurgling feeling. This fear became so strong that at times I refused to eat at all so I wouldn’t have something in my stomach to throw up.

The car ride with my mother-in-law was quiet as I nibbled a saltine. This is not what I pictured pregnancy to be like. Pregnancy was supposed to be exciting, full of pleasant surprises and sweet kicks in my belly. Instead, mine was filled with misery—reminders of the anxiety I had yet to conquer 15 years later as a grown woman. I felt like a weak child again, helpless to a fear that still held me in its grips.

God, why can’t I be free from this, even still? I prayed to myself, wondering and questioning with each silent plea: If I can’t conquer this anxiety, am I really ready for motherhood? How will I raise a courageous child, who can trust God in the unknown, meanwhile I still fight against this anxiety?

Momma, are you afraid that you don’t have it “together enough” to be a mom? Do you already feel like a failure when you see the put-together moms around you? Do you look at their perfectly still children sitting in the pews and feel like giving up?

Aside from my fears of throwing up, I have many other reasons to feel like a failure compared to my fellow mom friends. But God is giving me a new hope in him, and teaching me to stop looking around at others and start looking at him.

The Joy-Robbing Comparisons

It is a gift to be in a church with fellow mothers who love God and desire to raise their children according to his Word. It’s a joy to come alongside of them and to learn from their years of mothering, both by discussion and simply watching. We see in Titus 2 that this is God’s good intentions for the women in the body of Christ—that the older women would disciple and teach the younger.

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” (Titus 2:3-5 ESV).

Sadly, we have the tendency to turn that joyful gift into despairing heartache by comparing rather than learning. Rather than looking up to these women, we begin to despise and envy them in our hearts because we do not measure up. We compare our children, our words, our methods, and our choices to see whether we did better or worse. This creates for competition rather than fellowship, and exhausted sadness rather than joy.

This is what our sinful hearts are inclined to do. But we must train them according to God’s Word. Rather than giving way to despairing comparison, we should strive to learn from one another as God intended, and encourage one another in Christ. It’s not a competition but a relay race of passing the baton to the next generation, cheering on those who are still running, and learning from those who have years of training under their belts.

The Only Life-Giving Comparison

There is only one we should be comparing ourselves to in every aspect of our journey: Christ. Comparing ourselves to other women can lead to pride. But when we compare ourselves to Christ, we see ourselves rightly: An imperfect sinner who can never measure up. We realize that no matter how hard we strive, we will never meet his standard of perfection. Maybe with enough striving we could come close to matching our friends, but we will never match Christ in his blamelessness.

Instead of despair, this comparison should bring us joy as we remember the gospel. Christ died for imperfect people. He died for moms who would yell at their children, who would become annoyed with their chatter, and who would make poor choices. He died for sinful women like us. And he rose again, paving the way for us to rise to new life with him. He lived, died, and rose in perfection because we could not. And though we are totally undeserving of it, he accredits his righteousness to our account, as if we lived it.

When we trust in Jesus’ work on the cross and repent of our sins, he renews our hearts and give us the Holy Spirit so that we can obey him. Our new desire is not to strive to look like that put-together mom in the pew in front of us, but to look like Christ in order to glorify him.

If you are stuck in the game of comparison among the women in your church, remember the gospel. Preach this to your heart. Begin comparing yourself to Christ. In every aspect of your parenting, your goal is not to look like your friends, but to look like Christ. To lead your child gently as Christ leads the church. To teach them to repent of their sins and turn to Christ. This is your goal, momma.

The Sweet Tension

I stared out the window of the car, watching the evergreens pass by.

There was a sweetness to this tension of still struggling with my anxiety even now as a soon-to-be mom. As much as I hated the fear and wanted to be free from it, it was a constant reminder that I will never be a perfect mom. There’s no “getting it together” before baby comes. I am a weak and sinful human being who will always struggle, and so will my sweet baby. In those times of weakness, my baby doesn’t need a put-together-mom. My baby will need Jesus. And in spite of my own limitations and how much carrying a baby has reminded me of them, my anxiety has also been the reminder that in all my imperfections, I can point my baby to the Perfect Saviour.

Originally written for Strength & Song by Lara d’Entremont.